So I may have to give it all up

[Mishi]

Anyone can spread their legs and breed, but how many of them can be good mums? You're witty, smart and even though you're depressed, you know how you'd like to be treated and I think you'd do a pretty good job raising kids. After all, you want to work full-time with them! Besides, what does breeding have to do with it anyway?

The public transport is pretty bad (up here anyway) but if you can get a teaching position in a decent suburb then you won't have to worry as much about a license as if you were living out the back of nowhere.

Also - don't compare yourself to your sister. You're two different people and will have individual strengths and weaknesses. My little sister is freakin' awesome and I wish I had some of her qualities. She wishes that she could find pretty clothes as easily as I do as well as standing up to people like I do. Find something you do well that your sister can't and be proud of your individuality. Find something active that has concrete results and revel in it. On the days when you're feeling really down, you can look at it and think "Oh wow, I made that and it's actually pretty cool." (Yeah I know you'll probably only see the flaws, real or imagined, but it's worth a try)

If you can, go to the hardware store and grab some plasterboard repair kits. They're pretty easy to use, the last one I got was from Bunnings and it cost around $16.

[fireheart]

Sorry I haven't updated, was in hospital over the weekend. Finally got another diagnosis-Borderline Personality Disorder. May be doing the DBT BUT the only issue is going to be hoping that the therapy sessions don't clash with work/uni. Work: don't want to be stuck with bare minimum hours due to therapy sessions AND uni.

My dad's fixing the holes since he's more qualified-he's a carpenter by trade.

Work-wise: currently searching for a new job while still at current one. I'll be lucky if the stores will take me in despite me needing to give 3 weeks notice....

[Flying Grype]

My mother and I have both been on meds -- antidepressants for me, antianxiety for her -- and it doesn't stop either of us from driving. Hell, the labels on the bottles vary from month to month at the same pharmacy. One month I get "do not operate heavy machinery", the next I get "consume alcohol only in moderation", the next "DO NOT drink alcohol while on this medication". :rolleyes

Seriously, not everyone gets those side effects, and you don't know whether you will until you try. I'd be more afraid of driving with anxiety issues myself.

[Mishi]

Being in hospital sucks, but at least you have a bit more information than you did. Hope things start looking up for you really soon!

[Seshat]

It also feels like I need to stand up for myself, but then people tell me to walk away and it's like they DON'T want me to stand up for myself then. That people are happier if I don't stand up for myself. But if I walk away I feel like I'm letting them win, and every single time I've done that, they've gone along and hurt somebody else and I've felt horrible because I ignored it when I could've stopped them in the first place. I can't keep going to authority figures because it makes things worse.

Make your own decisions here, based on what's right for YOU, not what other people want.

Sit down with a piece of paper and write the pros and cons of the different ways of asserting yourself in any given situation. (This is a beginner's exercise in standing up for yourself, yes - as you get more practice, you'll be able to do it in your head.)

Walking away can be a way of standing up for yourself.
Going to authority figures can be a way of standing up for yourself.
Telling a person 'don't do that' can be a way of standing up for yourself.
Defusing a situation with a smartass joke can be a way of standing up for yourself.
Letting a person talk until they prove themselves an idiot can be a way of standing up for yourself.
Debating an idiot in front of a group, but framing your side of the debate so that the rest of the group can see that YOU are being logical and intelligent, while HE is being kneejerk and idiotic, can be a way of standing up for yourself.
Saying 'I don't want to talk about that' can be a way of standing up for yourself.

It's all about the correct method at the correct time, and it's all about looking after YOU. Whiskey's post where she said you are not responsible for other peoples' actions is correct.

During the periods of time when you are relatively healthy and have energy to spare, you may choose to spend that energy on correcting unhealthy aspects of our society. Or you might not.
During the periods of time when it's all you can do to make it through the day, your responsibility is to look after yourself.
You are disabled, no less so than the person with paraplegia. Noone expects the paraplegic to run. Noone should expect you to take on emotionally stressful tasks that aren't directly related to improving your health.



Edit to add:
There are plenty of Australian universities where you can use public transport to get around very easily. PM me for a list of the ones I know.

[fireheart]

Edit to add:
There are plenty of Australian universities where you can use public transport to get around very easily. PM me for a list of the ones I know.

I'm at the uni in Adelaide named after a famous explorer. And I already know the transport for that area. It may be a slight hassle if I move interstate and I may have to downgrade my licence if that's the case but I'm not sure (the requirements for P-Platers change interstate)

Regarding driving, we managed to work out how many more lessons I have left to go-the answer is not many. I also have about 9 or so hours left to do out of the 50 required. Given I do 2 lessons a week-one with dad, one with a driving instructor, plus dad will pick me up from work in my car and let me drive home, the time adds up pretty quickly. We worked out I'd meet the 50 hour requirement before I'd completed the final drive for the compentencies I'm doing. Well, final drives really-one covers the basics, moving out from the kerb, moving into the kerb, stop and go with the handbrake, gear changing, hill starts, u-turns, 3-point turns, 90 degree angle parking and reverse paralle parking. The other one is a 25 minute drive through heavy traffic demonstrating the skills you've learnt.

Regarding the medication issue, they've given me something called Seronquel XR (Extended release) which I take before bed. That's helped me a LOT to get to sleep and during the day as well. I only take a 1/4 of the tablet though, as we've found that doesn't knock me out as much but still works enough to calm me down. A full tablet would knock me out heavily and also virtually prohibit me from driving at all. They've also upped my medication to 750mg of Moclobemide (I'm on 600mg at the moment), however as there's been no information given to suggest that this is safe so I'd rather not try anything until my GP clears it. So far the 600mg and the seronquel seem to be working. The absolute maximum has been marked as 600mg. I would've preferred going on something that doesn't cause immediate weight gain, but since the effects of the moclobemide cancel out any possible weight gain in the seronquel, that's good enough for me.

As for the DBT therapy they offered, I had to reject it. Why? I don't need to give work another reason to get rid of me. I already restricted myself to night shifts as they're quieter and I'm less likely to have any flare ups. The DBT would've required me to give up Wednesday afternoons as well-my schedule is already restrictive enough as it is. I can't afford to live on the bare minimum hours they give me. Scarily enough, my prediction was true-if I wanted to get better, I'd have to give up a LOT. Work included. Uni? possibly. Driving? Possibly not since I'm so close.

[Whiskey]

they've given me something called Seronquel XR

Seroquel?

The absolute maximum has been marked as 600mg.

the max isnt the absolute max. Generally though, once you hit the max they start adding and making up a cocktail of pills.

my prediction was true-if I wanted to get better, I'd have to give up a LOT. Work included. Uni? possibly. Driving? Possibly not since I'm so close.

If you don't get better, you'll end up giving it all up anyways eventually. "Where theres a will, theres a way" isnt a tired old cliche for no reason.

[Seshat]

Both Anna and I have had to learn to pick and choose what we keep.

We live largely on disability pensions, because trying to do paying work has always ended up with us crashing horribly.

However, we both write articles for a disability webzine which pays well, which is a nice pension supplement. (Victoria-specific, alas, otherwise I'd give you the URL in PM.)

We use the word 'cope' as a noun. For us, it means - well, the ability to function. Time, we have plenty of. Cope, not so much of. And we certainly don't have the level of cope/day that a healthy person seems to!

We both designate cope for physiotherapy & psychotherapy stuff which helps keeps us functional.

We both designate cope for family.

We designate some level of cope for volunteer work, but that has to vary based on health.

We designate cope for self-fulfillment. Writing for our own pleasure, playing music - whatever we want to do.

We designate some of the day's cope for healing - that cope is left unused, and the body and psyche will use it. (We both found tht if we didn't, we gradually got sicker and sicker.)

And we designate some cope for de-stressing activities that let us build up emotional & mental cope for tomorrow, as well as physical rest and sleep that build up physical cope for tomorrow.

You might (or might not) find that thinking this way helps you prioritise what you do, so that you do what you CHOOSE to, not whatever falls into your lap.

[Mytical]

At the risk of being smacked I'll send you an internet hug *hug* and tell you that if you ever need somebody to listen (or talk to), I am just a pm away.

[emax4]

I think you may not find many teachers taking the bus, perhaps the reason being that if they need to stay later and help students, which may be later than the bus runs. I'm just guessing...

Put it this way.. I don't know you, but I was browsing and saw that someone was reaching out for help and/or advice, and i thought I might be able to provide, but you seem to have a lot of people here already doing the same. So I hope you know that strangers are willing to look out for one another two. But my name's Eric, so now we're only 1/2 strangers now (thank you Forrest Gump).

hope things are looking better!

[Solumina]

Since you are at Uni you may want to see if they have a mental health center. My uni had one, conveniently staffed by some of the proffs from the psychology department. They offered sessions at any time of day that classes were held and since it was right there I was able to go between classes. D was the best mental health professional that I remember ever seeing and we were able to meet whenever my schedule allowed, my appointment changed on a fairly regular basis based on projects and frequently with less than a weeks notice. If your uni has anything similar then you could make your appointments after you get your work schedule. At the very least it is something to look into.

I do wish you the best.