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  • #1

    relationship on the rocks?

    simple yet complicated question. How do you know if a relationship is nearing an end or not?

    GF and I have been going through rough times of late and I can't figure out if its a simple rough patch or something much more serious
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  • #2
    IMO, all relationships go through rough patches. Whether that leads to the end of the relationship depends on how you deal with the problems.
    "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

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    • #3
      How long have you been dating? You may just be moving on from the infatuation stage to post-rapture stage. Things might not seem quite as awesome (your body creates a cocktail of chemicals that make you head over heels for six months to two years) but you just have to realize, the person that you love hasn't changed.
      "I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone, that someone is probably the last person you should ask." - House

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      • #4
        I think you know a relationship has reached it's end, when one of you is not willing to work on it anymore. I know movies and TV show that relationships are "easy" and any problems can be resolved within 30 minutes (with ad breaks), but in real life that's simply not true.

        There may be a myriad of reasons for why one would stop working on a relationship - the feelings have faded, you don't have that much in common anymore, one or both parties have changed too much, physical distance etc.
        The report button - not just for decoration

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        • #5
          If you're both willing to work on things, there's no reason for it to end. If you both enjoy the core of who the other is, stick it out.

          We are all a combination of our core self, and assorted layers above that core self. Those upper layers are usually what makes relationships rocky - and those layers can be changed.

          She always leaves her stockings on the shower rail to dry. He doesn't clean the sink after he shaves. Surface behaviours are the easiest layer to deal with. Either the behaviour gets changed, or the other learns to deal with it.

          Communication styles is another key layer. If her family solves disagreements by vehement shouting, and his family solves disagreements with quiet discussion, they have a problem. She'll never believe his quiet statements of problems are serious, and he'll believe even the mildest of her empassioned declarations is deadly serious.
          Talk about how each of you is used to resolving disagreements, and come up with a method that works for the pair of you. If you don't have a way of resolving disagreements that you're both happy with, the relationship is screwed.
          But you don't ever START with one. You work it out.

          Other layers include .. oh .. how people like to relax. How they communicate love. How they express themselves in their space. All these things are mutable, without changing the core self. So modify them, both sides, until you can fit together without driving each other crazy.
          Seshat's self-help guide:
          1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
          2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
          3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
          4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

          "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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          • #6
            I need more information to make a decision on this.
            You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

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            • #7
              All I have is my own experience. With my first serious boyfriend, it was a combination of several factors (I didn't really date in high school, so I got a late start). He was finishing college and wanted to move away for work. I was just starting college and didn't want to leave my family. There were also aspects of our relationship I didn't like and wanted to change. When we did discuss the problems, he was all about fixing them. But when push came to shove, I never got any help making the changes. I finally got fed up with it and walked away.

              The guy I dated after him I really liked. He was the poster child for Adorkable and we had a lot in common. However, a couple months into the relationship, I could tell it wasn't really going anywhere. When he would call I didn't want to talk to him, and when he came over I didn't want to see him. I decided it was kinder to break his heart sooner rather than later.

              You and your GF need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk. Use your judgement on where to have it and if the two of you should have separate transportation (people get defensive on "home turf" and it sucks having to drive around with someone you just had a huge fight with). Based on that discussion, the two of you can decide if the relationship is worth saving or if it's best to walk away. Good luck.
              I am no longer of capable of the emotion you humans call “compassion”. Though I can feign it in exchange for an hourly wage. (Gravekeeper)

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