Getting over someone

[ShinyGreenApple]

I was never together with him. He's someone I met at work months ago and we're friends, sometimes go out on our lunch breaks together, etc. Recently I invited him over for Thanksgiving and opened invitations for us to do stuff outside of work, and he'd never flat out tell me yes or no, but would get evasive and beat around the bush. He never calls. I've given it my best and come to the conclusion that he's just not interested.

That's aside from the fact that he's got a rap sheet dating all the way back to 1995. It's littered with traffic violations, driving with open container/suspended license, worthless checks, etc etc. Just generally sleazy stuff all the way up to the beginning of this year. He's just not right for me. Not for anybody, really, but I'll admit I had strong feelings about him and it's time to move on. We were around each other enough so that several people had assumed we were dating or people would ask either of us if we were involved with the other, which kind of makes me uneasy now that I know just how extensive his record is.

Ugh, point being, I really need to move on and get on with life and stop thinking about him this way, or wanting to try and 'save' him, because it's fairly obvious he's not gonna change at this point if he's been at this since he was 17.

Anything I should do? Avoid doing? I've never really dealt with something like this before. I don't want to go out of my way to be rude to him or anything, but . . . keeping him close isn't healthy.

[Taboo]

Honestly, time will probably do more good than anything else.

Spend time with friends. Stop doing the lunch hangouts with him, just let it sort of gradually die off on its own - it sounds like that would happen, from the signs he's giving you.

[Seshat]

Don't call him, don't generate invitations or opportunities for you two to be together.

If you find yourself mooning over him, think about Sean Connery. Or Tom Cruise, or Leonardo DiCaprio, or whomever appeals to you.

Or think about cleaning the bathroom.

Distract your mind whenever you're mooning over him. Get up and do something, or focus on a different person, or a task, or some such.

[Plaidman]

Take Seshat advice. She's smart.

Do NOT dwell on him. It's never ever good, to feel strong feelings towards someone that doesn't doesn't care at all for you. It's hurtful, painful, and makes you insane.

You'll find someone. Your great.

[ShinyGreenApple]

Thanks guys. I'm pretty proud of myself; I managed to keep him out of my thoughts for the most part, positive thoughts anyways, ha. I usually have a hard time not letting my mind wander.

I've not gone out of my way like I used to to go say something to him (his department is on the opposite side of the store from mine), but we talked a little today. He came outside and sat with me for a while on lunch (I didn't initiate, he just sits with me), and I felt . . . nothing. I mean I don't loathe him or anything, but I felt nothing, and I'm thrilled. I was so worried all the fuzzy feelings would come rushing back. As a matter of fact, it's like I'm seeing him properly for the first time and he's . . . he's really stupid. Not necessarily literally, but he makes some pretty dumb choices and has a messed up sense of humor.

Anyways tl;dr version . . . I'm much better now.

[Taboo]

he's . . . he's really stupid. Not necessarily literally, but he makes some pretty dumb choices and has a messed up sense of humor.

You're well on your way then. Awesome to hear.