What next?

[phoenixv07]

OK, so there's this girl. We've worked together since April and, despite my best efforts, I'm starting to fall for her pretty hard. The big problem is that another co-worker (who's also one of my best friends) might like her too ... I'm not sure though.

It's been a long time since I felt this strongly about someone, and I don't want to let it go, but at the same time, I have to figure out how to not risk a close friendship.

I'm totally lost.

[shadowpanda]

You only think he might like her, nothing solid. Why don't you suggest the 3 of you go out for a drink, see what she's like out side of work and use it as an opportunity to guage your friends feelings.
Also, just a word of caution, what is the work place rule on colleagues dating? Might be worth checking
Good Luck

[Plaidman]

First look at rules of dating at work. I'm willing to bet that nether of you guys are willing to lose your job, and possibly sexual harrasment lawsuit if she is offended. Not saying she will, but better safe then screwed.

Next, why don't you ask your friend if he likes her.

Then, if he does, ask if the three of you are willing to go out to a dinner as friends, and work from there.

[Aethian]

Short version? Don't do it.

[phoenixv07]

I know the company's fine with employees dating as long as it's not a supervisor dating someone they supervise and as long as everyone's professional about it.

The three of us have spent time together outside of work before, but he's not an easy person to read.

[Plaidman]

That's why you need to ask him.

And even if the place is cool, be careful. You could get hurt, she could get hurt, he could get hurt if it doesn't work out. Or you and/or him can get hurt if the other started dating her. (You could get hurt/jealous if he starts dating her, or he can get hurt/jealous if you start dating her). Or you both might get hurt if she only see's you two as friends, and it might get very wierd if both of you start trying to ask her out and she doesn't want that.

[ArcticChicken]

The only way you're gonna know is to ask him. So ask him already.

[protege]

Short version? Don't do it.

I agree. Sure, she might be worth getting to know outside of work. However, what happens if things go south? Do you really want to risk losing a job over it? Many employers frown on such things for this very reason--they don't want the drama spilling into the workplace...and possibly affecting everyone else.

[Shangri-laschild]

My best friend and I were in the same situation at one point. We both liked the same girl a lot and we both knew how the other felt. Both of us liked her enough to not be able to say "ok i'll back off, you can have her" and I cared about him as a friend too much to ask him to step back and let me have a chance and it was the same for him. She was his roommate too so avoiding her and forgetting about it was not a big option for either of us. We tried to do our best to communicate, be open, and be happy for the other person if things went well for them and to not do anything to screw up a move the other was making. The fact that she bounced back and forth didn't help much. She never did make up her mind. It's something he and I have both vowed never to do again. I've even personally extended that to girls who he tried for and it didn't work out whether I meet them after the fact or not. The two of us are only bitter towered her rather than each other luckily and we're just as close as ever. I know that if we hadn't been as open about things with each other, it never would have worked out and things would at the very least be a bit strained with us at times. Talk to him directly. It's your best bet. After that, if he is interested, it all depends on what you two work out but i'd recommend against the whole may the best man win thing (this being said with the knowledge of how hard it can be to back down).