My most immemorial year

[Eireann]

This Christmas.

I don't know how I'm going to survive it.

I've been looking for work, as most of you know. I have a business opportunity, and had a meeting recently to discuss it. I talked to a friend of mine who knows quite a bit about business, and he gave me some good pointers.

I was chatting online with him tonight, and told him a few things about the meeting. He made some truly snide, and cruel, remarks about my business sense, and how HE has money to invest in a company (the meaning here being that I don't have the money, as if I needed anyone to inform me of that fact), etc.

This guy is seeing a therapist, and is on medication, and has been for a few years. His attitude towards me a few years ago was so abusive that I cut off contact with him for about a year, gradually reestablishing a relationship with him when I didn't experience any emotional or verbal abuse (the abuse was never physical, at least).

I typed out a few responses to his remarks. Then I collapsed on the floor and cried until I could hardly breathe. I'm still bursting into tears. This is the worst holiday season I have ever had, and as if things weren't bad enough, I have Mr. Smug, who has a home and a family to go to for the holidays, telling me how to live my life and what to do. And rubbing it in that he has more money than I do.

I guess I was overdue for yet another outburst of stress, grief, and what have you, but that doesn't give him the right to push me over the edge with his shit. If he's in a mood, he needs to tell his therapist, or pop another pill. Leave me out of it.

Oh, yeah, Merry Fucking Christmas and a Happy Goddamn New Year.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Wow. Sounds like he'll always be a dickhead, towards you anyway. The rain falls on the just and the unjust, as the saying goes... but you, at least, don't make people into crying puddles. (Right?) He probably doesn't have the money, but is just wanting to hurt you for whatever reason in his (now officially) screwed up head.
I'd stop talking to him.

[XCashier]

teh_blumchenkinder is right; I'd stop talking to him too. You don't need his crap in your life.

I'm sorry he made you cry.

[Eireann]

He does have money, and he knows I know it. That's one of the things that really hurts. He once offered to lend me money, but I think he'd rather just lord it over me that he has a high-paying job and I don't. He's also a snob. He told me not long ago that he was interested in dating some guy, but the guy was "only a waiter".

I called him a fucking snob. He agreed.

Last night, I spent quite some time writing out message after message to him. Next time he logs on, he's going to have a few pages worth of responses to last night's cruelty. (Oh, and he tried to blame it on me that he'd made that comment. He said that he knew I didn't want to hear it, but he wouldn't have said it if he'd been able to go to bed, as he said he wanted to. All I had done was to ask him one more question. He could have just told me we'd discuss it later.)

It's always important to know who your friends really are - and who they are really not. I didn't want to find out in this way, during this season, from a guy who lends his money to people he never sees again (to the tune of almost four thousand dollars), then has the nerve to lecture ME about MY financial sense.

[Eireann]

One of the responses I sent off after he went offline was that one of these days, he's going to face the holiday season after a loved one has died; maybe, just maybe, he'll feel then what I'm feeling now. And then he may realize what it was he did to me, rubbing my face in it that, this holiday season, HE has money to spend, while I have no family to spend Christmas with, a dwindling bank balance, and no steady income.

It should have happened to him, instead. I didn't tell him that, but it's true.

[Rapscallion]

Sounds like the problems are all his, not yours.

Hoping the business venture takes off.

Rapscallion

[Der Cute]

I think the guy is definitly a douchewad.

I also think - some of my own meltdowns lead me to letting go of an issue that's been stuck in me for a while, and accepting it.
I had a hell of a meltdown when I finally accepted I had epilepsy (had been fighting tat for years) and a meltdown recently about a family issue. After the 2nd one, I felt lighter and was able to deal better.

Still, you being harassed and him doing all that to you = asshole.

[Eireann]

I had an interview today.

I have an interview on Thursday.

Today's interview went quite well, I think. I applied for a job for which I was and am extremely over-qualified, and I explained to the interviewer that this was the best way for me to come in and meet him. He was, I think, impressed by my initiative, and he agreed that just sending an email wouldn't have worked, even if he had read it, which remains in doubt.

I told him what I can do for his company, which is a variety of things, AND he told me that they'd been discussing all those issues, and what to do about them. He gave me his address, and I'm going to email him about it. I've got the knowledge, the skills, the contacts, and a business license. By the end of the interview, he looked very happy indeed.

The other interview is with another company.

And "friend" sent me something by email to do. He's going to pay me for it. This may be his idea of an apology. I told him I'd do it, and asked when he needs it.

He's in for quite a surprise when he opens up chat tonight.

[Rapscallion]

One thing I meant to say earlier, but didn't get time for - I've cut several people out of my life over the years. I've found an improvement for me.

Rapscallion

[Eireann]

I've done it, too. Some people just don't play well with others.

We had a long chat last night, and he was still making excuses and trying to rationalize his behavior. Nope, didn't work; I called him on it each time. He had offered to lend me money, and then when I asked (so that I could PAY MY RENT), he gave me a lecture on borrowing money.

I pointed this out to him, and he tried to tell me that he refused to lend me money because I had received a job offer, and hadn't taken the job. This is nothing but a lie; I haven't been offered any jobs. I told him this. He was under the impression that I'd received a job offer from a call center. No, I hadn't. I had read that a company was hiring, but it wasn't a call center, it was telemarketing.

So, two lies. One, that he would lend me money. Two, that he hadn't lent me money because I had turned down a job.

Oh, and he also said, "Nobody else has these problems with me ... nobody else tells me what you tell me ..."

Well, yeah. He's very good at putting up a front, and I've dealt with people like him before. Years ago, I was involved with a guy who was very soft-spoken, very likable, and looked like an all-around good guy. Then we got involved, and I discovered a lot of things that he'd hidden well. Quite a few people still think he's a good person, but I know better, as do my friends. One of them hates him completely for screwing me over.

I wish to hell that the guy I've been dealing with now had actually changed for the better as the result of therapy, but he hasn't and he won't. I'm so incredibly tired all the time that I don't know what to do.

I did the work he sent me. I calculated the price. I told him. He agreed. I'm picking up the money at his office today. No more social life with this guy.

[MoonCat]

You need to stop talking to this guy. He gets off on upsetting you and on trying to control your emotions and your life.

True friends don't treat people like this. You don't need this drama. Look what he's done so far, getting you so upset you cried your eyes out. Protect yourself: Cut him out of your life. That means when he emails, you delete it without reading it. Don't fall into the trap of reading his emails or taking his calls "just to see what he says." That just perpetuates the drama and gives him a way past your defenses, and the cycle starts all over again.

Friendships can wear out. Not everyone you know needs to remain in your life. Ask yourself the same question they say to ask when you're considering divorce: Would I be better off with him or without him?

[Eireann]

I haven't talked to him in some days. The more I think about it, the more I realize that something is seriously wrong with him. He presents a nice, smiling, soft-spoken front, but then, so do a lot of serial killers. (Not that I'm saying he's THAT sick, fortunately; just pointing out that often, you have no idea what lies beneath the surface of people you don't know very well.)

I was thinking of the things he's done for me, and how I used to wonder how I could pay him back. Now? Fuck it. He's been more than paid for taking it out of me emotionally. I've been handing over my life to him - taking his advice too seriously, and so forth.

What I really need to work on now, is the fact that I've been attracting abusers into my life since I was a kid, and it's long past time to stop the vicious cycle. I had an appointment with a therapist today (which went twice as long as the usual appointment time), and we discusses various things and what my goals are.

Here's hoping. If anyone out there is willing to send me energy, I'd love to have it!

[Rapscallion]

The work did appear for you, didn't it?

Rapscallion

[Eireann]

Not yet. I'm more frightened every day.

[Rapscallion]

Crap. Have you tried to contact him about this at all? I'm more meaning by email etc.

Rapscallion