So... I'm thinking I should be suspicious

[shankyknitter]

So Boyfriend and I have been together for 2 months. Ground rule 1, established within 5 minutes of us starting to date was that we could not seriously (key word) discuss marriage until AT LEAST Pennsic 40. That's the last week of July/first week of August for non-scadians.

There have been several times at 2 or 3 in the morning when we're both brutally honest because we're half asleep that the subject has come up. Neither of us count this as serious discussion. Well I'm on these wonderful (oh dear gods they're amazing) pain meds right now for the horrid bacterial infection I've got going on in my mouth, this makes Shanky a bit loopy and much more honest.

Knowing the pain medication makes me loopy and honest Boyfriend blind sided me last night with, and I quote to the best of my ability while essentially legally stoned,

"Dove if I were to propose what would you say?"
"Course I would babe, wait what? Why? Huh?"

Come to find out Boyfriend knows what he wants my engagement ring to look like, even if he has to get it custom made. However he was very quick to point out that he's not planning on asking any time soon. He wants to wait until we're living closer before he seriously considers asking ect...

Maybe it's my excellent meds but I think I need to call bullshit on him. What do you guys think?

[zombiequeen]

I think you guys should have a serious conversation about all this, yes. Of course, my husband (well, he wasn't at the time) would wait to ask me questions like that until I had eaten dinner and the pain meds were kicking in. Bonus if I was working on my homework at the time. I wouldn't even know.

[Taboo]

That sounds exciting. I'd probably say either "Hey, you brought this up the other day, and I think we need to talk about it now that it's been brought up" or "Hey, you brought this up, and I really like you but I don't think we've been dating for long enough to talk about that yet, so let's wait until (date) to bring it up again." Depending on what you feel comfortable with.

Normally I'd say break the time limits you set and talk about it now, but two months is honestly a pretty short time even if this is someone you knew for a long time before you started dating, and if you don't feel like you guys are ready to be talking about marriage yet then it's fair to tell him that.

[trailerparkmedic]

Hubby and I talked about marriage for a year before we got engaged. We'd also been living together for 2 years before discussing marriage.

2 months is very fast in my (married quickly and separated a year late) opinion, but your mileage may vary (especially if you don't believe in living together before marriage). At the very least, I think you should be having life goal discussions if marriage is even coming to mind. Ask the big questions AND little ones that seem crazy. How many kids will you have? Who will watch them? What do you expect from your sex life? Are you going to combine your finances or keep separate bank accounts? Who is responsible for doing the dishes? What do you think about boyfriend's career goals, and can you support him in the way he wants to be supported? What holiday traditions do you have that you like?

[shankyknitter]

Trailerparkmedic believe it or not we've had those discussion already. In a light hearted manner but they've been done.

Neither of us wants kids, we both hate cleaning but he hates cleaning the bathroom most (which I don't mind at all) and I hate cleaning the kitchen most (which he enjoys) both of us keep public spaces picked up and neither of us cares if the bedroom is a mess. He's going into nursing and already said that if/when the time comes for us to live together he'll move to where I have a job teaching since it'll be easier for him to get a nursing job than it will be for me to find another teaching one.

We want to do 40/60 combined finances vs. personal finances. The joint account gets 40% of our individual incomes and out of that comes living expenses like rent or mortgage, food, and associated bills like heat and electricity. He wants to support us both, and I want to support us both, both of us are too stubborn and active to be a house spouse and we grudgingly accept this. However since we're both also poly and both doms we also jokingly talk about having a live in submissive that we could support to satisfy this need and possibly clean the places we hate cleaning.

As for holidays and religious things, I'm a Pagan, boyfriend is a 'respect all religions but mostly Buddhist' Buddhist. He celebrates secular Christmas because that's what his family celebrates, it's what I grew up celebrating so I have no problem doing secular Christmas in addition to yule every year.

The more I think about it the more I realize I could marry this guy and be happy if he were to ask. What makes me really hesitant is the fact that he lives 8 hours away, and won't be closer for at least another 2 years. That's assuming I get a job out there after grad school since the nursing program he wants to go into will keep him there for 5 years. Well that and the whole 'together for 2 months' thing. We talk for 2 or more hours every day and haven't hit a major sticking point yet that we disagree on. Oh Holy Hell I should not be contemplating this at 2 in the morning while heavily medicated.

[shadowpanda]

Everyone is different. My fella and I were at the 'I love you stage' after 2 weeks, moved in together after 3 months. 2 1/2 years later we are seriously planning our future together, are getting a joint bank account next month and have seriously had the discussions about children and raising them. We did things very quickly by some people's standards (almost lost some friends over it), but some people go much 'slower'

I'm of the belief that you should live with someone before you consider marriage as that's when you learn whether or not you are really compatible.

I think it's great that you are so happy at the moment, as happiness can be rare in this world.

Would both being doms become a real issue for you without having a sub? There are many things to consider, you have talked about a lot, but (pot, meet kettle here) you have only been together for 2 months and you live far apart. It's not realistic of how your relationship would be should you get married (unless you decide to live apart).

That being said, your decisions are your own, I'm sorry if I have said anything out of line, I don't mean any offence. Good luck with whatever you decide

[ArcticChicken]

My BF and I have know since pretty near the beginning that we are going to get married. But it won't be for at least three years, because we both want to graduate and live together for at least a year before we get married. We're not officially engaged, but that's because we're not in a huge hurry, and neither of us has a job, and we both want a shiny ring.

[Treasure]

well... I'm no expert but....
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 mos, and I don't think we are anywhere near ready to get married, I'm not sure I even think we should be discussing it yet...

meanwhile

My parents got engaged after 6 WEEKS and were married about 6 months later - and have been together happily (mostly) for 20 years now...

So I think its really a case-by-case basis, though my recommendation is to call him out on it

"Hey babe - the other night, when I was on pain-killers, you asked me something and just want to let you know that I feel like you were taking advantage of my "loopy state" and while I think its great that you feel this way, we agreed that it would wait til after Pennsic; and so I just want to reestablish those boundaries; Your questions the other night make me a little uncomfortable when I start thinking about it with a clearer head"

[Seshat]

Make sure you can both resolve disagreements, without ending up hating each other.

I don't care what method you use, but you should have one.

[pitmonkey]

Hubby And I were friends for 6 months, dated for 6 months, and got married about 6 months later. It all depends on how you go into things. Been together 28 yrs this spring. Not all smooth but always worked through them.

[jnd4rusty]

My man and I were neighbors and would talk to each other at another neighbors house, he was too shy to ask me out so I asked him to a Journey concert. After the concert we got into his truck and he says "I am staying at your place tonight, okay?" He never left..HA! HA! We have now been together for 11 years, we are not married, just engaged but we are not in a hurry.

[Jangles the Moon Monkey]

My now husband proposed after 4 weeks together. It's not the same as you but he lived an hours drive away which meant that we didn't get to see each other much, but a lot more than you do though. I moved in with him after 4 months, announced our engagement after 6 and found out we were pregnant after 7. We got married on our second anniversary and have been together for 4 now (2 married) and are expecting our second child. People have told us that we went too fast but it was right for us.

If it's right for you then go for it. You'll find some way to work it all out. Good luck for whatever you decide to do.

[Lindsey]

We're not discussing marriage and I don't know if we're going to, but my boyfriend and I have been together for not quite 3 months and are serious.. we spent almost every night together in the first week and were living together by the end of the next week. We moved quickly but we're communicating and talking each other through every step to make sure we're both comfortable with the relationship. It's completely up to you how to respond, but it's not too fast if you don't feel it is.

[Aethian]

Five years here and while we hint sparingly about marriage we haven't actually had the talk yet.

[ShadowBall]

Ehh, everyone moves at a different pace - some are ready to tie the knot after a few weeks, and some need a few years. Personally, I don't know how my boyfriend and I have managed to do things for as long as we have. We've been together for about five years and didn't talk about anything serious until two years in...which is when we found out that we disagree on damn near everything relationship-wise.

He wants kids someday and I most definitely do not, and he got upset when I said I intend to get sterilized someday whether he likes it or not. Also found out he wants to get married some day and wants a traditional full-blown ceremony - you know, church, shitloads of people, me in a big ugly white frumpy dress.

That's a problem because when I thought I would want to be married, I would have wanted a courthouse wedding or to just elope and not wear a dress. And being the center of attention makes me so horribly anxious that I'd probably faint - BF's response was "Can't you just get over it for a day?"...like I have panic attacks on purpose. But then I realized I don't want to be married because I personally do not think highly of the institution of marriage whatsoever. I have not told him this yet. I also don't want to live with him because he is allergic to working and addicted to gaming and I could not depend on him to help out with bill-paying.

Don't ask me how we got this far in with so many problems...bad communication, I guess. Probably because we got together right before I left for college, so for four years, we only saw one another a couple times every three months. He and I started out as just friends chit-chatting online (a friend of my ex) and we warmed up to one another...and my ex was being a pain in the ass with his controlling, possessive and obsessive attitude, so I wanted out. It was fun at first, but now we act like we've been married for ten years - even our mutual friends say that we act like we're in the married 'n miserable stage, so I can only imagine what shit lives we'd have if we actually were married.

The upside to him being too lazy to work is he's always broke and won't do something dumb like surprise me with a ring.