kind of an awkward situation

[KellyHabersham]

*wasn't sure how to title this, and I definitely don't want to make it into a Fratching-style topic or sound like I'm self-centered, just not sure how to approach this*


To make it short, my mom's stepmother died yesterday, and while specific plans haven't been made, I do know that the intention is to have a service here in Phoenix, and then have another service in Tucson, because that's actually where she's going to be buried. (I'm imagining this to be at least an all-day thing)

Where I'm having some concerns is with the issue of possibly having to take time off work - I don't get paid leave of any sort, and my financial situation being the way it is, I'm really hesitant about requesting time off/calling out sick. (as it is, in order to pay rent this month, I have to either get my mom to loan me money, or break into a savings account)

Granted, I've not received an update yet regarding when services will be held, so this may not be an issue. And it's definitely not that I put work before family things, I'm just not sure how to bring anything up without getting bitched at.

[Treasure]

"Mom, finances being what they are i can only afford time off work to attend 1 service - either the one here in Phoenix or the one where she'll be buried - I want to be there for you so which one would you prefer i attend, i'll arrange it with work."

you have now said that you care, but finances are the bad guy, and work is its evil henchman... you also have now made it up to her which is the priority, but subtly hinted that the one closer to where you live is the one that will be easier etc for you to attend....

[MaggieTheCat]

Are you concerned about how your family will react if you can only make one (or none) of the services, or how your work will react for asking for time off for a service for an "extended" family member? If it's the latter, then can you leave it vague? "There was a death on my mother's side of the family recently, the service is on a day I have to work, is there any way I can switch days off or take that day off to attend the service?" Where I used to work, everyone had certain "emergency" days they could take off for last minute things, anything from funerals to car emergencies, etc. They were unpaid days, but management didn't really question what they were used for, so going to the service of a step-grandmother wasn't an issue.

[KellyHabersham]

As far as my family goes, I think what bothers me is that I'm not given a choice.......it's just assumed/expected that I will be able attend both services, and this would be bothersome even if I did get paid time off.

Regarding work, my supervisor is out for the next few days, but I can't picture her giving me a hard time about needing to take a day off.......and since I'm under the "allowable" limit for call-out days, that shouldn't be a problem. (this being the city's policy)

Anyhow, I've just spoken to my mom, and it turns out that the services are on a day when I do have to work next week, but since it's only a six-hour shift, that shouldn't affect finances TOO much.

[KellyHabersham]

An update of sorts - my supervisor was completely understanding about giving me time off work, which was a relief because in the event there HAD been a problem with that, I would have received a LOT of flack from family members for not attending both services. (being that I'm the oldest grandchild)

[BookstoreEscapee]

Do you get any kind of bereavement days? When my grandmother died I got 3 days for that. I ended up taking off the day after she died (which was a Sunday, and I was at my parents' so I stayed until Monday night), then took off Thursday for the funeral and the Friday just because what was the point of going back to PA for one day..

[KellyHabersham]

Not sure - that IS mentioned in the "benefits reference guide" for the city, but it doesn't specify whether that applies to all employees or just those who are full-time. (And it would have to be an immediate family member who died)

[Jester]

There are right ways and wrong ways to handle these situations. Your supervisor handled it the right way.

I have often told this story, but it bears repeating. I have, in my time, experienced both the right way and the wrong way in such instances.

Wrong way: 1990. My beloved grandmother (Mom's mom), the only one I really knew (barely knew my other grandmother, practically grew up with this grandmother, stayed at her place a lot when I broke my jaw when I was 16 and her nurse made me many milkshakes., etc., etc.) died. I was crushed. She was in NJ, I was in AZ. I was not sure if I'd be flying off to NJ, but either way, I knew I was in no shape to work. I went in to the restaurant I worked at to tell management I would not be working my next shift, and why. As I was talking to the manager, the head waitress middle management type woman was standing there, and when I said my grandmother had died, she said, very sarcastically and doubtfully, "Oh, REALLY?" I wheeled around on her with my eyes blazing and shot out, "Do you want me to bring her body in?" I was furious. I got the time off. I didn't end up going to NJ, but that was besides the point.

Right way: 2002. My aunt (Dad's older sister) died after a long battle with the disease that killed her younger brother (my Dad) and, in all likelihood, may eventually kill me (though I have not yet been diagnosed with it). I got the call early one June morning. I did not know if I would be flying from Florida to Maryland for the funeral, but I immediately called my boss at The Stripes. Without hesitation, he said, "Jester, don't worry about your shift today. We'll cover it. YOU let US know when you are ready to come back to work." No issues. No muss. No fuss. No problems. They took care of the problem and made it clear I did not need to worry about it. Which is the way it should always be handled but, sadly, isn't.