Going to need help adjusting I think

[shankyknitter]

So... A little after new years my parents decided to tell my 18 year old brother and I that they are calling it quits after 20 years of marriage and 24 years together.

Legally this doesn't effect me at all since I'm 22 years old and my insurance through dad is staying the same. But honestly? 5 year old inner shanky is crying her eyes out that mommy and daddy won't be together anymore. I know they'll be better off for it, they've been fighting for years and they'll be happier once its over. Logically I know that and I accept it. And I know there's nothing anyone can do other than say 'wow that sucks' or 'I'm sorry'. But... um...


...

[AdminAssistant]

My folks are going through the same thing (they're separated and haven't decided whether or not to actually divorce yet).

I know how you feel. :/

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Well, I'm hazarding a guess and saying that they won't love you or ShankyBrother any less, in addition to what you've said about them being happier, etc. ...
but anyway... emotions are what they are, and sometimes don't have a logical reason behind them. Just... don't do anything Jester wouldn't do!

[ApolloSZ]

My parent's separated when I was 3 to 4 yrs old. In MY situation for a while there was the arguing and bickering anyway, and sadly I was sometimes the one in the middle. The big differene now is I tell them its between them. I'm not the messenger/in the middle. And these days for the most part they get along.

Again. This was my situation. As I said to my (real world) younger half-sister (Shes going through it now with my dad and her mum)

Any hurtful mean things they say (If any) are about each other. At the end of the day (unless IMO they are idiots) they won't love you any less or care for you any less. It will be hard no doubt, but tis what friends (including us ) are for.

And don't forget, being 22, you do have the right (if it comes to it) to tell them your not taking sides, your not the messenger.
*Hugs*

[trailerparkmedic]

I've never been through this, but you have my sympathies. It sucks regardless of your age. I hope your family finds happiness after this is over.

[Lyse]

Shanky, I don't imagine that being over 18 helps with the shock and sense of loss. Don't let people tell you that you should "grow up and get over it". Your feelings are perfectly valid - whether 2, 12 or even 32. I hope that you and Shankybrother are okay - sending zen hugs your way.

[iradney]

Shanky, this happened to my BFF as well. It doesn't matter how old you are, parents divorcing is always a blow. *HUGS* we're here for you, ok?

[shadowpanda]

Change is (for most people) always hard, even if logically you know it's for the best.
We're hear for you if you wanna talk x

[shankyknitter]

Thank you guys. I know that ultimately I'll be ok with it, it'll be an adjustment but I'll deal since I don't have much of a choice in coping or not. But knowing I WILL be ok is much different from BEING ok. And I really appreciate the support here.

[Solumina]

knowing I WILL be ok is much different from BEING ok.

This is so true, remember that you have every right to feel everything that you feel, never let yourself be ashamed or think yourself weak for having those feelings. This won't be an easy thing to accept but you'll get there and hopefully in the end everyone will be able to get along better.

[Taboo]

Aw, Shanky, I'm sorry. My parents divorced when I was 14 and while it was stressful, it was better for them because they just could not get along anymore at that point. Probably better now than a couple years later, when they're more resentful and the fallout is worse. =(

All of your feelings are totally justified, though. Is there by any chance a group therapy thing near you? There are some now specifically for children (sometimes including adult children) of divorced or divorcing parents. It might be a good place to go and vent to people who get it.