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I'll try to sum up the background of this story to be as short as possible. (yeah, that didn't really work so well.)
Short Version:
My paternal grandparents are horrible people.
Long Version:
My dad is the oldest of their three children. My grandparents had very high expectations of him; they were (still are) extremely religious and fully expected my father to become a minister. When he was about 13, they sent him away to a private religious school, except they refused to actually drive him to this school and since he had no other way to get there, he had to hitch hike across the state. He was frequently the target of beatings by my grandfather, even when he himself didn't do anything wrong.
My grandmother was (is) an alcoholic and drank most of their money away. She was nasty and foulmouthed. Her and my grandfather fought and argued all the time. They still do. They do not like each other, let alone love each other, but they never split because it's against their religion. My grandfather is so devout in his faith that he tries to jam it down everyone's throats, even complete strangers. If he finds out someone is not a member of his (very specific) religion, he tells them point blank to their face that they are going to hell when they die. He has told my brother that his kids are going to hell because they were not baptized in my grandfather's church. He has told his daughter that her soul is in danger because, even though she goes to church, she doesn't go to HIS church.
Several years ago, my grandparents decided to move to Arizona permanently (they used to winter there, spending 6 months in Arizona and 6 months in Wisconsin.) My parents protested because both of my grandparents have a variety of ailments and illnesses and my parents knew that as they got older, my grandparents would be less able to care for themselves on their own, and they have no family in Arizona. But my grandparents went anyway. They were there for about 7 years before their health took a serious turn for the worse and they could no longer care for themselves on their own in their apartment. My aunt flew down and got them moved into and set up in an assisted living home, and then she left. But after a few months there, my grandparents were begging my parents to help them because the assisted living home was so bad.
My parents, despite everything they'd already gone through with my grandparents when they were younger, took pity on them and decided to help them. They flew down to Arizona and packed my grandparents' belongings and flew them back to Wisconsin, where they set them up in a very nice assisted living home.
My grandparents were never satisfied for one minute after they came back to Wisconsin. For over a year my parents dealt with them on a daily basis, trying to make them happy and comfortable, but my grandparents did nothing but moan and complain...about everything. About the money (they are not poor, they have plenty of money), about the facility (very nice facility, I was there a few times before I moved to Texas), about the residents and the staff, about the fact that they weren't "free" and that they wanted their own apartment, despite the fact that they knew they couldn't take care of themselves on their own.
So my parents moved them out of the assisted living home and into an apartment and my grandparents agreed to hire someone to come in and help them with things like laundry and grocery shopping and cooking and cleaning. Once again, they were never satisfied. The apartment was too small (it was a 2 bed room, 2 bath apartment, around 1200 sq ft), the neighbors were too loud, the people they hired to help them were charging too much money or were inadequate. They went through several helpers in the span of a few months.
Meanwhile, my parents were breaking their backs trying to make my grandparents happy. Despite the fact that by this time, they were mentally exhausted of everything my grandparents had put them through, my parents were still over at their apartment at least every other day to help with everyday things like grocery shopping and cleaning, because my grandparents kept firing the helpers they hired.
My grandparents kept saying how much nicer it would be if they could live near their daughter, my aunt K, who lives in Montana. K had told them about this beautiful house that was for rent in her town, and how she knew someone who would come in and help them and they'd love this person, etc. Between my grandparents doing nothing but complaining about my parents efforts, and then doing nothing but singing praise about K and how much better it sounded in Montana, my parents finally snapped and told K to come get them. K never actually had any intention of taking my grandparents to Montana; both she and my parents knew that she couldn't really handle them. But my parents told her that they were done and that K needed to at least do something to help. So K came to Wisconsin and moved my grandparents to Montana.
It's been pretty much a nightmare ever since. The house they rented, while nice, is far too big for them; it's three floors and several bedrooms and bathrooms and they can barely make it across the main floor, let alone up and down stairs and everywhere else. The person K said would take care of them actually never agreed to any such thing, so now K is doing all the work herself. K is also a little unhinged for various reasons and has her own issues, though, so she's slowly going insane between dealing with her own life and my grandparents'. She's called my mom, drunk, at 11pm several times, screaming and wailing about how stressed she is.
My parents, through the course of all of this, have said several times that they want to wash their hands of my grandparents and have nothing to do with them. No phone calls, no cards or letters, no contact period. Of course, it's never happened. Even after my grandparents moved to Montana, my parents still talked to them several times a week and my grandparents still managed to get my parents worked up and upset, even over the phone. Over the years, especially in the last couple years since they came back from Arizona, my grandparents have said some very nasty, insensitive, rude, and demeaning things to my parents and my parents have been very hurt by them on a number of occasions.
The latest incident happened last week, when my parents found out that my grandparents wrote my mom out of their will. Like I said, my grandparents have three kids; my dad and his brother are both married, and my aunt is single. Right now, the will is divided up so that when my grandparents die, 1/3 of the money goes to my aunt, 1/3 goes to my uncle and his wife, and 1/3 goes to my dad, but no mention of his wife (my mom) anywhere in the will. This means (from what they can understand, anyway) that if my dad dies before my grandparents (possibility, since he had cancer and heart problems) the money would all go to my aunt and uncle, and my mom and siblings and I wouldn't get any of it.
We're not really concerned about the money. My parents have plenty of money, and my brothers and I are all doing fine. My mom is extremely hurt, however, that they would write her out of their will after everything she (and my dad) did for them. When they moved back to Wisconsin after living in Arizona for 7 years, my mom did a ton of stuff for them, more than my dad did. She cooked and baked for them, she did their laundry, she cleaned their bathrooms. She went over there and just spent time with them so they wouldn't be lonely. She did get snippy with them a few times, after they had said or did something very offensive toward her. On the whole, though, she was very kind and patient with them, and their way of repaying her is to basically remove her from what they consider their family.
I have long had issues with my grandparents, particularly my grandfather. When they moved to Montana, my mom kept urging me to call them or send them a letter or a card or something because it would make them so happy to hear from me. I never did, because I felt no reason to. I did not particularly like them, especially after my parents told me all of the utter filth my grandparents put them through. I felt no reason to try and connect with them.
This Christmas, they sent my husband and I a card. I got a card to send them in return, since I do feel like since they made the effort to send us one, we could send them one in return. However, I have not sent it out yet (I actually keep meaning to ask my mom for their address and forgetting) and after the whole incident with writing my mom out of their will, I am really debating what to do.
I really want to tell them off. No one in my family has had the balls to do so thus far. My brothers and my parents and I all talk about them amongst ourselves, and tell each other how horrible and mean and nasty they are, and yet my brothers still send them nice cards and pictures of their families, and my parents...well, my parents have once again said that they aren't going to speak to my grandparents anymore, but I doubt that will last longer than a few weeks. They will at least continue to talk to my grandparents on the phone and not tell them how they really feel.
I think it needs to end, and that my grandparents need to be told, without tip-toeing around the issue, how much they have hurt my family. No one has actually ever said that to them and no one seems inclined to, so I feel I should, even though I'm not directly involved in most of the incidents I hear about.
What do you guys think?
Short Version:
My paternal grandparents are horrible people.
Long Version:
My dad is the oldest of their three children. My grandparents had very high expectations of him; they were (still are) extremely religious and fully expected my father to become a minister. When he was about 13, they sent him away to a private religious school, except they refused to actually drive him to this school and since he had no other way to get there, he had to hitch hike across the state. He was frequently the target of beatings by my grandfather, even when he himself didn't do anything wrong.
My grandmother was (is) an alcoholic and drank most of their money away. She was nasty and foulmouthed. Her and my grandfather fought and argued all the time. They still do. They do not like each other, let alone love each other, but they never split because it's against their religion. My grandfather is so devout in his faith that he tries to jam it down everyone's throats, even complete strangers. If he finds out someone is not a member of his (very specific) religion, he tells them point blank to their face that they are going to hell when they die. He has told my brother that his kids are going to hell because they were not baptized in my grandfather's church. He has told his daughter that her soul is in danger because, even though she goes to church, she doesn't go to HIS church.
Several years ago, my grandparents decided to move to Arizona permanently (they used to winter there, spending 6 months in Arizona and 6 months in Wisconsin.) My parents protested because both of my grandparents have a variety of ailments and illnesses and my parents knew that as they got older, my grandparents would be less able to care for themselves on their own, and they have no family in Arizona. But my grandparents went anyway. They were there for about 7 years before their health took a serious turn for the worse and they could no longer care for themselves on their own in their apartment. My aunt flew down and got them moved into and set up in an assisted living home, and then she left. But after a few months there, my grandparents were begging my parents to help them because the assisted living home was so bad.
My parents, despite everything they'd already gone through with my grandparents when they were younger, took pity on them and decided to help them. They flew down to Arizona and packed my grandparents' belongings and flew them back to Wisconsin, where they set them up in a very nice assisted living home.
My grandparents were never satisfied for one minute after they came back to Wisconsin. For over a year my parents dealt with them on a daily basis, trying to make them happy and comfortable, but my grandparents did nothing but moan and complain...about everything. About the money (they are not poor, they have plenty of money), about the facility (very nice facility, I was there a few times before I moved to Texas), about the residents and the staff, about the fact that they weren't "free" and that they wanted their own apartment, despite the fact that they knew they couldn't take care of themselves on their own.
So my parents moved them out of the assisted living home and into an apartment and my grandparents agreed to hire someone to come in and help them with things like laundry and grocery shopping and cooking and cleaning. Once again, they were never satisfied. The apartment was too small (it was a 2 bed room, 2 bath apartment, around 1200 sq ft), the neighbors were too loud, the people they hired to help them were charging too much money or were inadequate. They went through several helpers in the span of a few months.
Meanwhile, my parents were breaking their backs trying to make my grandparents happy. Despite the fact that by this time, they were mentally exhausted of everything my grandparents had put them through, my parents were still over at their apartment at least every other day to help with everyday things like grocery shopping and cleaning, because my grandparents kept firing the helpers they hired.
My grandparents kept saying how much nicer it would be if they could live near their daughter, my aunt K, who lives in Montana. K had told them about this beautiful house that was for rent in her town, and how she knew someone who would come in and help them and they'd love this person, etc. Between my grandparents doing nothing but complaining about my parents efforts, and then doing nothing but singing praise about K and how much better it sounded in Montana, my parents finally snapped and told K to come get them. K never actually had any intention of taking my grandparents to Montana; both she and my parents knew that she couldn't really handle them. But my parents told her that they were done and that K needed to at least do something to help. So K came to Wisconsin and moved my grandparents to Montana.
It's been pretty much a nightmare ever since. The house they rented, while nice, is far too big for them; it's three floors and several bedrooms and bathrooms and they can barely make it across the main floor, let alone up and down stairs and everywhere else. The person K said would take care of them actually never agreed to any such thing, so now K is doing all the work herself. K is also a little unhinged for various reasons and has her own issues, though, so she's slowly going insane between dealing with her own life and my grandparents'. She's called my mom, drunk, at 11pm several times, screaming and wailing about how stressed she is.
My parents, through the course of all of this, have said several times that they want to wash their hands of my grandparents and have nothing to do with them. No phone calls, no cards or letters, no contact period. Of course, it's never happened. Even after my grandparents moved to Montana, my parents still talked to them several times a week and my grandparents still managed to get my parents worked up and upset, even over the phone. Over the years, especially in the last couple years since they came back from Arizona, my grandparents have said some very nasty, insensitive, rude, and demeaning things to my parents and my parents have been very hurt by them on a number of occasions.
The latest incident happened last week, when my parents found out that my grandparents wrote my mom out of their will. Like I said, my grandparents have three kids; my dad and his brother are both married, and my aunt is single. Right now, the will is divided up so that when my grandparents die, 1/3 of the money goes to my aunt, 1/3 goes to my uncle and his wife, and 1/3 goes to my dad, but no mention of his wife (my mom) anywhere in the will. This means (from what they can understand, anyway) that if my dad dies before my grandparents (possibility, since he had cancer and heart problems) the money would all go to my aunt and uncle, and my mom and siblings and I wouldn't get any of it.
We're not really concerned about the money. My parents have plenty of money, and my brothers and I are all doing fine. My mom is extremely hurt, however, that they would write her out of their will after everything she (and my dad) did for them. When they moved back to Wisconsin after living in Arizona for 7 years, my mom did a ton of stuff for them, more than my dad did. She cooked and baked for them, she did their laundry, she cleaned their bathrooms. She went over there and just spent time with them so they wouldn't be lonely. She did get snippy with them a few times, after they had said or did something very offensive toward her. On the whole, though, she was very kind and patient with them, and their way of repaying her is to basically remove her from what they consider their family.
I have long had issues with my grandparents, particularly my grandfather. When they moved to Montana, my mom kept urging me to call them or send them a letter or a card or something because it would make them so happy to hear from me. I never did, because I felt no reason to. I did not particularly like them, especially after my parents told me all of the utter filth my grandparents put them through. I felt no reason to try and connect with them.
This Christmas, they sent my husband and I a card. I got a card to send them in return, since I do feel like since they made the effort to send us one, we could send them one in return. However, I have not sent it out yet (I actually keep meaning to ask my mom for their address and forgetting) and after the whole incident with writing my mom out of their will, I am really debating what to do.
I really want to tell them off. No one in my family has had the balls to do so thus far. My brothers and my parents and I all talk about them amongst ourselves, and tell each other how horrible and mean and nasty they are, and yet my brothers still send them nice cards and pictures of their families, and my parents...well, my parents have once again said that they aren't going to speak to my grandparents anymore, but I doubt that will last longer than a few weeks. They will at least continue to talk to my grandparents on the phone and not tell them how they really feel.
I think it needs to end, and that my grandparents need to be told, without tip-toeing around the issue, how much they have hurt my family. No one has actually ever said that to them and no one seems inclined to, so I feel I should, even though I'm not directly involved in most of the incidents I hear about.
What do you guys think?
) 
That might piss them off. 
They've asked for pictures of my husband and I (they've never met him) and so far I have not obliged. I feel no reason to.
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