Depression resources?

[Cookie]

Hey guys. I've been going through some serious depression lately. I've been through it before, but it was more of the hate myself, thinking I'm worthless variety that used to hit me every 3 - 6 months for 10 years to the point of being suicidal. I'm not suicidal now, so that's good. This is more situational. I found out something utterly traumatic about my past that I should have been told years ago, but I wasn't. I just don't know how to begin processing it. Does anyone know of any books or resources to help me?

I know a lot of you will probably suggest counseling, but I'm just going to say right now that's out of the question. I can't justify the expense right now and I make too much to qualify for any aid. Plus, I have a loooong list of horrible experience there. I always say trying to find a good one is enough to put you in therapy. Just not up for that hair pulling nightmare.

Anything you know of that would help me sort out what happened and the anger about not being told is what I really need. I need to break down the situation and I don't know where to begin.

[Taboo]

Well...

Since it's situational, I'd say addressing that actual situation rather than looking for depression resources, since that sounds like the real problem here. I know you say you're not that interested in therapy, and I hear you - I've had some really crappy experiences with therapists myself while trying to find a decent one - but have you tried any sort of group therapy? I don't know if you'd be willing to talk about whatever happened in a group setting or not, but it might give you a chance to talk through some of it and process whatever happened, and you would have multiple people to talk to rather than just one therapist who might or might not be a good fit. Out of that group of people, someone might have strategies dealing with their own experiences that you might find helpful.

You obviously didn't say what happened, but just like there is Alcoholics Anonymous, there are similar groups for survivors of various traumas. Some may be free, some may require fees, just depends on who is running them.

If you're religious, perhaps there is also someone at your church who might be able to counsel you for free. No wasted money then if they're not a good fit.

Hmm... I can't really think of anything else without knowing the actual situation and I definitely can't recommend other books or resources without that, but I assume it's something you don't feel comfortable posting, so hopefully there's something in here that you may find useful. Otherwise hit up Amazon and Google for help...

[ApolloSZ]

I may need to double check the address, but they've been pushing via ads www.depression.org.nz over here. Not sure whats in it I haven't looked (I've never gone for diagnosis or seriously considered if I have had depression or not) but it may have links for you

[Rapscallion]

There's also the samaritans. http://www.samaritans.org/ Volunteers with good training. UK-based, but a guy I know volunteers there and he says that about twenty percent of the emails they get are from the US. Completely free.

Rapscallion

[fireheart]

www.beyondblue.org.au

Even though you're overseas, a lot of the information is still relevant.

[Cookie]

Thanks everyone, I'm going to look into all of this. Group therapy scares me more than one on one, but I have absolutely no experience with it to rationalize that fear. I'll look into resources for the specific situation and I'll check out these sites.

[ArcticChicken]

Talk to someone, of course I urge you to talk to a professional, but I totally understand why that's out of the question right now.

Find a trusted friend, or a stranger who's willing to lend an ear. One of the reasons I like counseling is that I know I never have to see my counselor outside of that situation, so it's easier to unload on her. Some people would rather confide in someone they know, though, so it's all about personal taste.

If there's not anyone you are willing to talk to you could try writing it out in a journal or putting up a blog. You could send it a postcard to PostSecret, sometimes just putting it out there can help you gain a little distance.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Here's my list of stuff I mentioned in chat; I collected them a while back when I was looking at getting off my meds.

I haven't looked through all of them; some are more general than others, but they might have something for you (or anyone else who happens upon this thread).

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home
Emotions Anonymous http://emotionsanonymous.org/
American Psychological Association http://apa.org/topics/depress/index.aspx

National Association of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapists (may be more for professionals but looks like it has some resources) http://nacbt.org/
National Institute of Mental Health http://nimh.nih.gov/index.shtml
http://nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/index.shtml
Mayo Clinic http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depression/DS00175
Mental Health America http://mentalhealthamerica.net/
National Alliance on Mental Illness http://nami.org/
http://www.samhsa.gov/

[Cookie]

Thanks, ArticChicken and BookstoreEscapee.

AC, there are a couple of very close friends I've talked to. One discussion was almost like being on the therapist's couch because she asked pointed questions.

BE, I'll go through these sites. Thanks for the great resources. I am familiar with CBT and some of those organizations, but not all.

I just ordered a book, too, that apparently is kind of the definitive resource for people with a similar situation. It's not exact, but it's a start.

[Seshat]

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/ is another possible resource.

[RootedPhoenix]

I can't offer much advice, but know that you are valuable. Even when it seems like you're not...you are.

*hugs*

[Der Cute]

It sounds like you also get darker when there's less sun.

STart Vitamin D, 2x a day. Get more sunshine. Get a light box. And get your ass to a 1:1 counselor.

PM Me, I've got a story for you

Cuten

[Cookie]

Hey Der Cute. Actually, it's extremely well lit in my place. I have huge windows that take up most of a wall and the shades stay open during the day. When the sun goes down, I always have lights on. I keep i lit because I know the effects. I'm no stranger to depression and I'm doing all the "right things" right now.

A counselor is out of the question right now for reasons listed in the original post, but I do have a book on the way and some great friends that are helping me out.

Thanks for the link Seshat. I'll check that one out as well.

RootedPhoenix, thanks. My husband is incredible at making me feel that way all the time. I don't know how I'd get through this without him.

[ArcticChicken]

Do you have full spectrum bulbs? At the beginning of the winter I put them into all the lights in the parts of the house I spend the most time in, and I'm doing a lot better this winter.

[Cookie]

I have flourescent. However, the room is really bright. Winter doesn't bother me. The whole thing is very situational. Before I learned what I did, I was not only fine, but happy and eager to go play in all this snow like a kid. I literally found this out exactly 2 weeks ago and instantly went downhill.