Depression sucks

[42_42_42]

Anyway, so because of all the drama/stress, etc I was up all night, and then this morning when he got up I recieved another lovely lecture.

Oh, HELL no! Marriage vows do NOT entitle him to lecture you.

You're already working 4 full-time jobs (housewife, mom, business, teacher), not taking on a 5th (school), is perfectly reasonable, so don't beat yourself up about it.

If you don't feel you can talk with him about things, maybe you could write it all down for him? List everything that you do. Husbands can become so used to what wives do that they don't actually see what it is that we do. I have to do this with my husband from time to time. He always ends up being amazed that I was able to get all that done in the time he was at the office. Also write down everything that you need from him in order to no longer feel over-whelmed AND if you do want to go to school, what you need from him in order to be successful at that. If, after you lay out everything logically for him, he's still being a jackass and refuses to do his part, well, what I really want to say belongs in fratching, so I'll just strongly recommend marital counseling at that point.

Counseling for you individually and both of you together is something I strongly encourage anyway, because the way you've described him makes him sound verbally and emotionally abusive, frankly. And that's reason enough to get yourself and your kids the heck out of there.

[Mishi]

If you don't feel you can talk with him about things, maybe you could write it all down for him? List everything that you do. Husbands can become so used to what wives do that they don't actually see what it is that we do.

QFT. I tend to write lists of chores because I'm forgetful, and when we first had Jazzy, Rugz used to say my job was easy. I left out one of my lists where he could see it because I didn't want to argue. The arguments over the housework mostly disappeared. When Jazzy was about 7 months, my best friend was up for a visit (she was living in a different state) and we went out for the day. Rugz and our housemate looked after Jazzy for half the day before they called to say they were exhausted and to please come home. I came home a little while later to a sleeping baby, a messy house and two blokes offering to buy dinner. No arguments about housework since, and Rugz does the housework that I have trouble with.

*Big hugs for Kanalah* You're a very brave woman for tackling all of your jobs PLUS studying! Being overwhelmed and asking for help isn't anything to be ashamed of. I hope your husband comes to his senses and is more helpful, and that you can find a counselor that you like. Please try to study, isn't it something that you've wanted for a while?

[Seshat]

When Jazzy was about 7 months, my best friend was up for a visit (she was living in a different state) and we went out for the day. Rugz and our housemate looked after Jazzy for half the day before they called to say they were exhausted and to please come home. I came home a little while later to a sleeping baby, a messy house and two blokes offering to buy dinner.

I'd be tempted to give your husband this situation.

Include a task list with the curriculum for the day (for the home-schooling), the snack and lunch menu for the day, the major and minor housekeeping tasks, and the special care your special needs child requires. DON'T give him any fewer tasks than you give yourself.
That said, do consider having him clean the bathroom rather than do the laundry - it'll save you from having white clothes turned pink.

[Kanalah]

Need to finish a twin quilt today or very early tomorrow, so I'll be quick.

First off a huge THANK YOU for all the encouragement/well wishes. It really means a lot to me. I don't have a lot of people that I can count on for stuff IRL, and I know if I come to my family for help they just laugh and spread gossip about me.

I sat hubby down last night and had a "come to jesus" meeting (as we say in the south). I just told him that I work my butt off every day, for more hours then he does and if he wants me to go to school (it's for his benefit as well as mine because he wants to retire early.) then he needs to help me out with the household stuff. He said he was sorry for the lecture, it was just because he was really worried about me. I've been depressed for nearly my whole life and he knows this.

We got my summer and fall classes sorted out. Basically he thought that since all of my classes were evening/online that he wouldn't need to help out. I think he understands a lot better now.

As for the counseling thing: They don't have counseling at the school I'm attending, but they have student counseling at the college closer to my house and they are open to the public.

Massive hugs to everyone for the help.

[Shpepper]

YAY .. I am so glad you hat the chance to talk to him about this stuff.

[42_42_42]

glad you were able to talk to him and he's being reasonable.