normal for a two year-old?

[KellyHabersham]

My youngest niece (I'll call her "Minnie") turned two this past fall, and within the past few months, she's really gotten to where she's talking/gaining a wider vocabulary.

However, Minnie has lately developed a habit of telling people that they are "mean" and that she doesn't like them - particularly if they touch her. My sister finds this amusing, but without getting into possible Fratching territory, let's just say I can see it happening where Minnie's comments can get misinterpreted. It also makes it frustrating when I'm needed to help out with babysitting, because sometimes Minnie refuses to have anything to do with me.

And while I realize that it's a two year-old we're talking about here, I can't recall any of my younger cousins being that way at that age, and neither of my sister's other kids or my daughter were like that at two. So, I'm just wondering if this sort of thing is normal for kids that age, or if there's a possibility that she may have some form of autism.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Autism might be a bit more obvious ( ), but I do know that kids do have annoying verbal habits.
Like this post.
I also know that kids that young can manipulate adults and other children, and know what that means! She may not like being touched and has no other words to express it, it may be that she likes controlling people like that. You might suggest when she says that next, that she say "please don't touch me." or "don't touch," or, just "no."
BUT. Keep an eye on her anyway for stuff like autism.
I also do not have children. <--- not an expert.
Good luck
EDIT: YES. can totally be misinterpreted. ... don't hate me for suggesting this, please, but are you sure something like that's not happened? After all... it's not strangers that are the danger (statistically speaking)

[KellyHabersham]

EDIT: YES. can totally be misinterpreted. ... don't hate me for suggesting this, please, but are you sure something like that's not happened? After all... it's not strangers that are the danger (statistically speaking)

I'm sure it hasn't......and according to my mom, my sister's mentioned other mild austim-related issues which Minnie has, so it's most likely that is the source of the problem. Which makes me feel a bit weird, because I probably have some form of Aspberger's myself, but I never went around telling people at random that I hated them.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

There is a reason they call it "The Terrible Twos."

My kid (and all the kids in her class) didn't go around saying they hated people. The thing around here was "you aren't my best friend" or "I'm not inviting you to my birthday party."

Humans figure out how to be shits to each other about as soon as they figure out how to talk. Be thankful. Mine was into biting at this age on top of the verbal abuse. I was horrified. She (and all the rest of them) pretty much grew out of it.

All kids are different, and just because one doesn't do it doesn't mean another won't. It also doesn't mean that's an indication that that's how they are going to be when they grow up. It scared me, too. Other moms told me it was normal. Turned out, they were right.

[Mishi]

Hopefully it's just a stage, but if there are other problem behaviours, perhaps she should see a professional. Early intervention does make a huge difference in successful integration and problem management.

Bubbles (also 2) is currently going through the "Everything I see is mine and I will defend it with much yelling!" and the "This is my mummy/daddy/sister/dog/friend and I don't want to share. Go away before I shriek at you some more" stages, Jazzy (4) did the same thing at that age. They do get over it eventually (~2 months for Jazzy, 1 month and counting for Bubbles) as long as the parents make it clear that the behaviour is not acceptable. Laughing about it or teasing them just reinforces their bad behaviour and makes it harder to grow out of.

Why does it happen? Basically, they've reached a new level of self-awareness and have realised that they can affect the world around them through speech and actions. They're experimenting to see what recieves the maximum amount of attention/items with the least amount of effort and/or seeing how far they can go before there are negetive repecussions. It's part of learning what is socially acceptable.

[Nonstop_Death]

My niece kept calling people doopa. Highlight below to find out what it was a substitute for.

it was her way of calling people assholes

[Sapphire Silk]

More than likely it is just a phase she is going through. Toddlers go through a period where they begin their independence, and explore decision making. "No" becomes a favorite at this time. Not wanting to be touched is her way of asserting control. If she is physically affectionate at other times, or with other people then it is probably not autism.

Children with autism have an overall difficulty in relating to the world at large. They have trouble with both verbal and physical communication, and with all people including their parents.

Some of what you may be seeing may be stranger anxiety. If you don't visit often, then the child may feel shy around you. I've gone through this with each of my brother's kids. From around 2 to around five they are shy around me because I only visit a few times a year. Then, they begin remembering me and we get along fine.

[Kogarashi]

Just sounds precocious to me. She's figured out something she can say that gets a reaction.

Both of my kids do that. Nudge is just shy of 2 (birthday at the end of the month), and she really likes a straight "No" right now. She used to be very accomodating and helpful when we'd ask her to do something, but now most of the time it's "no" because she wants to play instead. She hasn't yet learned what it means when Mommy counts to three, so she's been getting qute a few time-outs for not listening until she learns that counting means she's about to lose priviledges if she doesn't listen. We've also had to switch to asking a few questions with choices now. For instance, instead of asking her to please throw her dirty diaper away (which she used to do willingly), we have to ask her if she wants to take care of the dirty diaper or the changing mat, and let her pick. She gets control that way, and we still get the helpfulness we want.

Wiggles, who's 4, obviously has the bigger vocabulary and is experimenting more with phrases she can use to try to affect people. Currently, she likes to respond to requests she doesn't like or directions to stop something with "You're hurting my feelings!" in the hopes that it'll get us to stop (it doesn't, since we then explain to her that it's not our fault that her feelings are getting hurt for being told to stop making a mess on the carpet or hitting her sister). She's also tried "I'm tired of ______," "I hate enough of this," and "You're hurting my ears!" (when we have to raise our voice a bit because she's been deliberately ignoring us). I'm sure I've forgotten some of her other attempts to be the boss verbally.

Sure, keep an eye out, but if she's behaving well socially in other situations, then as others have said, it's probably not autism.

[ralerin]

Apparently I used to walk around calling people/things "idiots" when I was a toddler. I think being "mean" is a bit nicer than calling people "idiots".

[Seshat]

As I understand it, every child has a 'don wanna' phase; usually about the time they discover they can have such a phrase in their vocabulary.

You need to be kind of careful at this stage. You don't want to teach them that 'don wanna' has no power, or they become easy prey for .. well, you know.

But you need to teach them that there is legitimate authority, and there are legitimate things they must accept, and must do. That 'don wanna' won't stop them getting an immunisation shot, or helping with the laundry.

But that they can 'don wanna' have Mum dress them, and can put on their clothes themselves - even if their shirt is on backwards. (Does that really matter?)

[42_42_42]

Nephew 3 is autistic. When he was 2 he couldn't talk. In fact, he'd lost what few words he'd gained prior. His communication was limited to grunts and squeals and pointing and crying. My sister got him evaluated and diagnosed and in therapy. Which completely turned things around for him. He's almost 5 now and you'd never know he was on the spectrum for the most part. He talks like most other kids his age, has been fully potty trained and will be in a regular kindergarten in the fall.

Now, you didn't mention what other behaviors you and your family are seeing, but what you've described doesn't sound like an autistic child in my experience (which is more than just Nephew 3 -- I've also worked with autistic children in the schools from pre-K through 5th grade).

What you described sounds like what Nephew 2 did at that age. I was still living at home w/ my parents and sis and nephews 1 & 2 lived 15 minutes away and were over almost every day and Nephew 2 went through a phase where he didn't want anything to do with me and would tell me he hated me. Of course this hurt me very much, but it wasn't until I was able to not react to him saying that to me that the "fun" of it stopped for him and he stopped saying it. Now (he's 11) I'm one of his favorite people and he can't see or hang out with me enough.

[KellyHabersham]

Now, you didn't mention what other behaviors you and your family are seeing, but what you've described doesn't sound like an autistic child in my experience (which is more than just Nephew 3 -- I've also worked with autistic children in the schools from pre-K through 5th grade).

Well, personally I'm not sure that Minnie actually IS autistic at all.........I guess it just stayed in my mind because my sister frequently brings up my having Asperger's Syndrome, and seems in denial that there could be any other cause of issues which I've had. (I've never had an official diagnosis of anything, and my sister is NOT a professional who's qualified to make that sort of judgement)

[42_42_42]

Tell your sister to get bent. And then go about seeing if you can get tested. Seriously.

Absolutely. 100%.