I quilt because it keeps me (mostly) sane - warning really long!

[Kanalah]

Argh

Random family BS has grabbed me again and I'm tired of my family guilting me into keeping quiet. We're not celebreties, not even well known in my town, so who the heck cares.

I am the most normal of my family and also considered an outcast. This is due to having polar opposite political leanings and different life asperations. I won't go further into this as it might belong in Fratching.

Growing up I was somewhat tolerated. I can't really recall anything overly positive. The trouble really began after my grandfather passed away. My uncle, who is an odd person in his own right, jumped into his "I am the man of the family now!" role.

My uncle has the distinction of being one of the best educated jobless people I know. He's a certified car and airplane mechanic, also a state licensed real esate agent and cook. Basically he buys into anything that he thinks will make him rich for no work, then when he finds out that he actually has to work, he proclaims it to be a scam and goes back to getting drunk on his couch.

Anyway, after my grandfather died, he came up with the idea to sue the hospital. While it was true that he contracted MRSA at the hospital and that led to his death, I thought it was bad form to sue, mainly because they chose one of the lesser maintained hospitals in the area to go to. My grandmother listened to him and sued the hospital, winning 2.8mil.

Now my uncle had been pushy and demanding before, but after he knew that my grandmother had money, he got even worse. It was also at this time that we learned that he is my grandmother's favored child. He quit showing houses completely, even though my aunt had lost her job and he had 2 young children to support.

My grandmother had been babysitting his kids for him while they both had jobs and I was naive to think this would stop after they were both not working. Instead it got worse. My grandmother was now getting up every morning, driving to thier house, getting both kids up and dressed, stopping for a fast food breakfast. Then she'd take the oldest to school and drop the younger one off at daycare - which she paid for. Then she'd pick both up and watch them until my aunt and uncle decided to come pick them up, sometimes as late at 10pm.

Everyone else in the family objected, but she didn't listen. Then my uncle asked for a 50k party boat. My mother and I expressed out thoughts on the matter, and it made my grandmother very upset. She thought it was terrible that we would say such mean things about her family. Yeah he got a boat.

My uncle gave my grandmother a sob story about how he "couldn't" find work, how his kids are starving, etc etc. She relented and gave him $500 a week to encourage him to get a job. He would also stop by her house almost daily with a new sob story about something else he needed. My grandmother was becoming senile, so everytime she saw him in her driveway she'd get out her checkbook.

She also decided to buy him a new 30k truck and trailer so he can help us set up for really big craft show. He never has actually helped us. Instead my grandmother lets him borrow her car while we use his truck. He rants and raves about how mean we are and how we better return his truck with a full gas tank, meanwhile he returns my grandmother's car empty.

Also - and this I think is the absolute lowest thing - while on one of his sob story visits to my grandmother, he came out and told her that he felt I was not spending enough money on his family for Christmas presents and he didn't want me at our family Christmas party anymore. This was 2 years ago. I still have the same reaction, which is "I'm sorry I can't afford to buy you a new truck you jerk!" This apparently was also extended to *every* family celebration.

My uncle also gave my grandmother a sob story about the little house he lives in. She decided to give him her 3,000sqft house. It's a really nice house and my grandparents have worked hard to keep it nice. My grandmother moved into a little cottage and my mom moved in with her.

Now see my mom has her own problem, she has a 2,000sqft house that her hoarding has filled completely, and like my grandmother, she has a obviously favorite child - my younger sister. So my sister was 'given' my mom's house. And yes my mom is blind to my sister's antics. Sis cannot hold a job longer then she gets a paycheck and happily lives rent-free in a house that should be condemned.

In January of this year I heard that my grandmother was going broke and had to cut my uncle off. So in the space of 3 years, he's taken nearly the entire settlement money. From what little communication I have with my family, I heard that he had a job and hadn't yet moved into my grandmother's house. All of her things couldn't fit into her small cottage, and so she was still storing them in the house, along with their extra merchandise they were selling at really big craft show.

I have a show at the end of this month and stupid me, I asked my mom if she or my grandmother had a canopy tent I could borrow for my booth. Then I learned what's happened since Feb/March.

My uncle's moved into my grandmother's house, and true to form, is not respecting my grandmother's storage. He's trashing the house and throwing all my grandmother's things away. He's called my mom and grandmother curse words and forbidden them to come over to "his" house.

I've invited my mom and grandmother over to my house this weekend so they can relax a bit and hopefully I can get most of the story out of them. Right now I'm thinking that they should call the police, since the house is still in my grandmother's name. But knowing my grandmother, I don't think she'll do that.

For those wondering, I did call the city and report my uncle for financial elder abuse. They investigated and my grandmother just told them that she's helping out her son because she loves him. And to be perfectly honest I couldn't care less how she spends her money, I just don't want her taken advantage of. My grandmother was the one who actually raised me, not my mother.

Also I do try my best to stay the hell away from this massive hornet nest, but they are my family and I love them, even if they have no clue what love is. I generally only see/talk to them around really big craft show, since I'm not welcome for any holiday stuff and they always forget my/hubbys/kids birthdays.

Okay it feels really good to get that out.

[telecom_goddess]

All I have to say is OI!

[hinakiba777]

Wow, words cannot describe, just wow.

I really have no idea what to say Kanalah. I wish I had something to offer...

[Aethian]

*just hugs cause words aren't enough*

[Kanalah]

I'm just glad I have people I can talk to, honestly.

My quilting keeps my mind off of most of it. RP helps too.
I just put my head down and keep sewing.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Wow... your uncle is a winner. (SARCASM)
I'm just glad they let you stay away. Some people get dragged in time and again, just for the lulz of it (the others' lulz that is, not the individual's). Thank you for not being like your uncle, and trying to look after your grandmother. :hugs:
EDIT: also, so so glad your kids aren't involved. Kids involved in family drama makes everything worse.

[SuperRTL]

Kanalah, this sounds so close to some of the stuff I've been through, I had to cry. Hugs for you and keep sewing.

[Thatgirl71]

I have a family member just like your uncle, they are not only financially draining but they emotionally drain you too, I've learned to just stay away.

Hugs to you.

[Kanalah]

And all I wanted to do was borrow a canopy

So despite that they were late coming over to my house. (they're always late). I think we had a nice talk. I found out that the house is indeed still in my grandmother's name however it is doubtful that she will call the police to have my uncle removed. She is feeling a little better since it started, and I think she understands that me, hubby and the kidlets love her.

Ironically enough, while I was waiting on them to come over I got a text from my aunt. They're having a birthday party for my youngest cousin this friday night. So apparently people are welcome as long as they bring gifts/are fawning over thier children. Unfourtunatly I already have plans for Friday night. My family always makes plans at the last minute and expects everyone to drop everything.

So now I have to head out and spend $120 on a new canopy tent.

And yes Thatgirl, he is a massive black hole of "Why can't I just make you go away!?" The last time we had a party for my kids, I bought soda and he pulled my husband aside and whiled like a baby because we didn't buy his favorite kind of soda. Despite the fact that his favorite kind of soda is whatever kind's on sale/whatever other people buy for him.

[protege]

Damn...and I thought *my* family was bad

We went through some of this when my grandmother started having health issues. Up until then, my aunt and uncle (mom's brother and sister) wanted nothing to do with any of this. Instead, they rarely came to visit...yet hassled my mother because she was wasn't handling Grandma's health "properly." Um, are you kidding me? You're not around, my mother is working 40 hours a week, and (except for me) is the only one dealing with Grandma's health. Sorry, but you have *no* right to say anything.

Then came time to sell off the farm, her car, and move her into an assisted-living facility. Anyone want to guess who came calling? Yep, seems my aunt and uncle were 'hard-up' (don't even get me started about how my aunt is married to a doctor...) and after the farm was sold, apparently "needed" money for things. Things like a new car, and vacations Little did they know that I'd told Grandma...to put the money from the sale into a trust...with the *sole* purpose of her health care, and since my mother and I handled all of her business affairs...they couldn't touch it. Take that!

The greed didn't stop there though. After my grandmother died they started trying to grab whatever was left. Specifically, her needlepoints, and any antiques that had been left behind. Never mind that Grandma was of the type who would give things to friends ("You like that picture? It's yours"), and when she moved, had said that if people wanted things, they had to 'reserve' them. Otherwise, whatever was left, was either going with the house, or going to charity.

Since I was more-or-less the 'golden boy,' I got whatever I wanted--the 1950s-style kitchen set, the dining room suite, her TV, several of the needlepoints, Grandpa's beat-up recliner (the Kitty chair), the green dishes, and my grandfather's jazz records.

No sooner did I get those records, when my aunt started bugging me for them. Apparently, they were supposed to have been shipped to my cousin's place. He'd asked for the old hi-fi. The record player in it had failed some years ago, and Grandma used it as an end table. She knew that I was into music, and said I could have the records. When I told my mom what my aunt was saying...she told my aunt to "get bent." If she wanted them, she should have come home more often, instead of once every couple of years.

My uncle was a bit more annoying. Almost immediately after Grandma passed, he insisted on having everything at her apartment...shipped to his house so he could "go through it." I know that he was the executor of the estate, but saying that he wanted to "go through" her stuff was a bit wrong--like he was looking for something. I have a feeling that I know what he was looking for. Things like my grandfather's army papers, photos, or anything he could hang over my mother's head. Little does he know that such things are already carefully archived at my house. Again, Grandma allowed me to have them, since I was closest to her and her husband, and would appreciate them.

That's not the only instance of this either. Right now, my *brothers* are doing the same thing to my mother. They're in their 30s and still sponge off her. Both work, but live there because they "can't afford" to move out. Yet, there's always money for beer and video games.. They don't do jack shit around the house, are rude to my dad, and ignore his side of the family.

And yes, dad's pissed about that. For whatever reason, I'm the only one who has anything to do with my aunt (dad's younger sister), or his mom. They don't call her, or visit her at all. Even when my grandfather's health was going, they ignored him--I was the only one of his 3 grandchildren to visit him in the hospital, and was with him a few days before he died of cancer in 2001

Grandpa wasn't even buried yet, and my younger brothers started going on about how they wanted his WWII stuff, his medals and other things. Dad was *furious* when he heard that. Seriously? You pay no attention to him when he's alive, and now you want some 'tribute' after he's dead? Sorry, but fuck you. Instead, my dad ended up with most of the WWII things, except for some medals which were framed...and hung above Grandpa's favorite chair in the living room. Again, I made out like a bandit. I was given several boxes of tools, machinery, family history, and other things that Grandma knew I'd appreciate.

Oh, and if anyone is wondering...my brothers will get theirs. My dad isn't too happy with their antics, and he's going to get even. You wonder where I get my smartass genes? Now you know. He's not going to let them attend Grandma's funeral when she's gone (why pay tribute in death when you ignored her in life?), and he's going to royally screw them over in *his* will. That is, I'll probably end up with everything. Unfortunate that they'll miss out, but that's what you get for being a jagoff

...and now that I've put the entire CS membership to sleep, what I'm trying to say is this. There are always assholes in every family. You cannot worry about them, and it's best not to give in to their antics. They *will* get theirs, sooner or later. Hang in there, and don't let the assholes get you down.

[Victory Sabre]

I'll start off by saying that you did not put me to sleep, protege. Those stories (yours, the op, and the others) are interesting reads on how some people can be so selfish, that the screw over those that they are supposed to care about the most.

I've got a few stories.

Back in the late 1960's my father's younger brother divorced his first wife. Now, since it was before I was born, I don't know all the details, but after the divorce he got pissed off at my grandparents. So much so that he cut off all contact with the rest of the family. When my grandmother was dying from cancer, my dad had to find a private investigator to find him to tell him the news. His response? He didn't care. Even typing this now makes me so angry, because I was so close to my grandparents. He didn't want to know when she died, and wasn't coming to the funeral. He also didn't care about my grandfather's health. That was the last time my dad tried talking to him. Grandpa died in 1997, and asshole "uncle" died in 2002. I never met the creep, and would have no desire to, even if he were still alive. I'd probably knock his block of if I had met him.

Another story involves asshole uncle's daughter. She lived in New Orleans. She was there when Katrina hit, and lost everything. When I found out I decided to help her out, and gave her $100. My sister did the same. I did get a half-assed thank you letter, my sister didn't get a peep.

She also screwed over her own mother. She got some jewelery from her mother, but she was going through some rough times. She wanted to sell the jewelery. Her mom said not to, and she'll loan her the money. You can guess what happened. She got the money and sold the jewelery. The bitch My cousin is almost 50, and really can't fend for herself at all. It's pathetic.

[Mishi]

Oh my, this sounds awfully familiar *Big hugs for all the hurting peoples, especially Kanalah*

My husband and I are looking at moving in with his paternal grandmother, because she's needing more care as she gets older. I'm worried because she's lost interest in her garden, which she used to love. Nana B had a serious back operation in February, and neither of her kids called/visited her despite knowing about it. Her son finally visited her a few weeks after she went home, asking for money and saying that he'd like to move in with her. Um, hell no, not again!

She lived with him for a few months, while pursuing her daughter through the courts for the 1+ million she'd conned and stolen from Nana B after Pa died, and he talked her into paying for various thing for him. We 'rescued' her and helped her buy a new house, with my husband's name on it as well as hers. Her daughter visited soon after she bought it and stormed out when Nana B lied and said it was all in my husband's name. I'm taking on her gardens even if we don't move in, and she has brought tears to my eyes by being shocked when I bought my own supplies, seeds and flowers instead of asking her to buy them. I'm also going to organise the preservation of her old paperwork and photos, which are being left to Rugz and I (along with almost everything else).

I just wish we could get Pa's medals back from Rugz's aunt.

[Indigo]

It looks like most of us have those few family members that we'd just rather not have.

I refuse to acknowledge anyone on my mother's side of the family. That entire family has a history of the women being child-abusers and the men being child-molesters. Including my maternal grandmother. She's a real piece of work. While she never laid a hand on us kids, she sure ignored my mother's rule about us not being allowed around the other relatives (thankfully nothing ever happened). She would take us kids out on huge shopping sprees and spend the entire time telling us what an unfit parent and how horrible our mother was. This went on for several years. She actually tried to get custody of my older brother and I when we were real lil' and instead ended up with supervised visitation. My mother tried to be the bigger person and didn't enforce it. When I'd had enough and basically told her STFU about mom or I'd stop seeing her, then I was "brainwashed." We moved to a different state and never told her.

However her poison managed to leech into my older brother. Back in 2005 when he turned 18, he thought he was going to be the man of the house. Mom of course said no dice. He threw a huge fit and walked out. I managed to discover some emails between him and my maternal grandmother stating that they were going to go for custody again. Hence our move to a different state without any notification. He had decided to run to her and my mother's first husband. We didn't see or hear from him for 4-5 years. He managed to get in touch with us in 2009 and we welcomed him back. He came with a fiancee, who at first wasn't too bad. Long story short, because we did not bow down and revolve our worlds around her, she started several shitstorms and much drama. When I had enough and started firing back last December, they cut off communication. We found out through Facebook that they'd gotten married this past April and the baby is due at the end of October. They currently live in a 28ft camper with no running water and an extension cord for power. This camper is in the MIL's yard as the house is full of the drama queen's sisters and their herds of children. My brother is working three jobs and supporting all of them.

The fact that my mother and I value education and have ambitions for our lives have made us the black sheep of the family. My mom has already said that in her will, my brother will only get $1 - everything else goes to me and my two younger brothers. Just remember that the a$$holes get theirs in the end.

And the nice thing is that my stepdad's and my fiance's families are large and loving. Remember, just because people are related by blood doesn't make them family. You choose your family and support system.

[protege]

Another story involves asshole uncle's daughter. She lived in New Orleans. She was there when Katrina hit, and lost everything. When I found out I decided to help her out, and gave her $100. My sister did the same. I did get a half-assed thank you letter, my sister didn't get a peep.

I had a cousin who did that to my late grandmother once. Said cousin is about 6 months younger than I am. He really paid not attention to her at all. In fact, he didn't bother even calling us for nearly 20 years. Anyway, after she spent a bit and sent his kids Christmas gifts one year, and didn't get even a phone call, she was pissed. She cut him off, and the next time...she sent an empty box with a smartass note reading "I just wanted to see if the post office still worked." And now you know where I get it

But what sucks, is that I don't know most of my dad's family at all--other than his sister and mother, and some of the uncles...that's pretty much it. Some of it is simply because his great-grandmother was a bitch, who didn't like the rest of the family. She kept them hidden, and other than sharing a common last name, I know very little about them. Also not helping, is that for most of my childhood, dad's family really didn't pay much attention to my brothers and I. They rarely dropped by "just because," or even called...unless they needed a favor of some sort.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

To sleep? When the good guy(s) won? PSHHHH HARDLY! Stuff can never, evereverever console for the loss of a loved one... but why should disrespecting no-goodniks/douchenoffen get stuff?? Excellent move on the trust fund, by the by.
EDIT: the side with problems (my mother's) ... well, despite the drug abuse and such, there's a solid core-- Grampa Tom (not bio) is getting 'sugar rot' (diabetes effecting his brain, making him meaner, etc than usual) but he's still a good guy, so that's difficult, Gramma is awesome-- but ... old-fashioned? And caused some of the problems with Mom, mostly a generational/ no one got ADHD (which is what mom was diagnosed with) so they had a lot of problems; typical white trash/hick/low socio-economic status problems, but trying to overcome (such as my aunt, my mom's younger sister, finally getting her teaching certificate! WOOT! And married, officially, actually married! in September, to her high school sweetheart even awwww ) I mean, there's a few like a cousin who's a klepto and tried to sell her daughter... but we don't deal with them unless it's to save Daughter. It's getting better, but Daughter is still in limbo as far as I know. Stuff like that drama.