Hope Help (long) (kinda NSFW)

[Sapphire Silk]

Please reconsider therapy.

Yes, I know you said you understand you've made mistake.

What you don't understand is why you keep making the same mistake over and over and over.

Until you identify and confront that reason, you will CONTINUE making the same mistakes over and over and over.

We cannot help you with that here at CS. You need professional help.

It would help if your first meeting with a therapist is a frank discussion of what you want to get out of therapy. Example:

"I want to understand WHY I make such bad choices in men, and what I need to change about myself to stop doing that."

It's going to mean confronting some nasty things about yourself that you clearly don't want to think about.

[Seshat]

What you don't understand is why you keep making the same mistake over and over and over.

Quoted for absolute truth.

This is one of the things that shows (what I call) a scar or injury inside your psyche. It needs tending.

[Solumina]

I'll echo Panacea and Seshat, you need some help. You don't seem to realize it but you are currently in a very unhealthy relationship, Dean may be a fantastic guy but right now he is treating you like crap and you are eating it up. You deserve so much better but you don't seem to think so, to the point where you are willing to sit back and wait around for someone who in the past made you pretty damn unhappy for a good chunk of time, a therapist can help you sort that out.

I know therapy can be expensive but there are lots of mental health professionals who charge on a sliding scare and in some areas there are community programs that you can go to for free or very inexpensive therapy, you just have to look for them. I would also recommend that you look at clinical social workers as they tend to be a lot less expensive than psychologists but for a situation like yours they are just as good.

[Kisa]

Update: About a week ago, I was at work and I had one of those "step back" moments. I kept thinking about everything that was going on and I realised he's just as bad as Dick. Once I got good and mad, I sent him a text telling him exactly how pissed I was and basically said "I'm not giving you any more of my time". He was upset, but I said I gave him more than enough chances and he picked her. I was stupid and I have to learn from my mistakes and try again. I gave up on Dean and I'm going to be much more careful not to make this mistake again.

[BlaqueKatt]

I hated going to therapy as well, until I found one I "clicked" with(took a while), but she said something that I'll never forget.

"Your mind is like a garbage can, you throw stuff in it to get rid of it, but eventually it starts to smell. Yup you can empty it, or ignore it, but sooner or later you will have to get down in there and actually clean it out, or it will continue to stink up your life."

[TowelKing]

Update: About a week ago, I was at work and I had one of those "step back" moments. I kept thinking about everything that was going on and I realised he's just as bad as Dick. Once I got good and mad, I sent him a text telling him exactly how pissed I was and basically said "I'm not giving you any more of my time". He was upset, but I said I gave him more than enough chances and he picked her. I was stupid and I have to learn from my mistakes and try again. I gave up on Dean and I'm going to be much more careful not to make this mistake again.

That's actually a really good way of looming at things! Hope everything works out for you.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

I'm glad it's getting resolved.
(also, sorry I haven't been on the last few nights, I've been feeling off lately.)

[RootedPhoenix]

*hugs and cookies*