Feeling sad over ending a friendship

[JLG]

It seems like my friendship with my bff is over and I need to vent and any advice or thoughts on how I can move on.
She was my bff for the past 4 years. We were planning on moving to another state next year as we both wanted a change. So this is what happened to our friendship.
I have posted stuff before about her meeting guys on craigslist for sex and her low self esteem. Well one the of the guys she met that she found out he was married and giving her a fake name for 5 months she continued to see without telling him that she knew about it. At first she thought that this guy just had a girlfriend. And she was OK with that. But she constantly talked about this guy as if he was her boyfriend. She cried when she could not see him for a week. She cried when he didn't text her. And all they ever did was have unprotected sex once a week. She always went through scares thinking she was pregnant (I think she really wanted to get pregnant) Well she finally got an IUD and she still kept thinking she was pregnant. One time she even went out and bought the morning after pill from her doctor. Through all that I never judged her and was there for her when she wanted to talk and needed to see me to vent and hang out to forget and have fun.
Then this guy that she knew through friends at work started sending her text messages to hang out. He kept asking her to come over to his house. She told him that they could hang out at this bar one night. When she got there instead of going inside he brought drinks for them to have while sitting in her car. She didn't like how it was going and said she had to leave to pick up her brother from work ( she made it up) so when she was going inside to go to the bathroom he grabbed her and kissed her. She pushed him away and he followed her inside and started touhing her breasts and trying to kiss her again. He kept texting her to come back to the bar but she kept giving excuses instead of telling him what he did was wrong.
A few days later she started hanging out with this guy at her work that seems really nice. I was happy that she finally found a decent guy and I know that she has liked him for awhile. They went to the movies and drinking the other night just as friends. But hey that can always turn into more and so I was excited to hear about it when her and I were having lunch before I had to go to work. But then she started to obsess over it. Like what will happen when he becomes her boyfriend and when will they have sex. I told her to just take it day by day and see what happens. Don't rush it or give it any expectations. He is a nice guy and they have fun so leave it at that and continue hanging out with him. Cause at this point she doesn't know if he does like her like that or wants more and I don't want to see her get hurt again. I can tell that this upsets her that I say that. Then during the rest of lunch I start saying to her that she needs to stop seeing that married guy and this other dude that she went to the bar with because she deserves better and she will end up getting hurt. She didn't say much to that and once again I knew it was bothering her so I stopped.
After lunch I could see that she was upset so I thought I would talk to her tomorrow as I had to go to work. When I get home that night she put a post on her facebook wall about being pushed away today and that she will not be talked down to or given choices that she is not ready to make. I knew that was about me and our conversation earlier. Then I checked her twitter and she said that what was supposed to be an uplifting day made her cry. Again I knew that was about our lunch earlier. She works nights so I was not able to see why she was upset and would wait till the morning to see what upset her so much. But throughout the night at work she continued to post stuff like that on facebook and twitter instead of talking to me like and adult and telling me that my advice upset her. So I thought forget it, I am not going to play games. It is obvious that to her the friendship is over. I was the only sane friend she had in a long time.
She tried to kill herself years ago over a friend, she had one friend that was on drugs and verbally abused her. A friend that talked her into having threesomes with random guys. Another friend that intorduced her to guys that she had sex with while her friend liked to watch.
All of that stuff depressed her and made her feel so bad about herself. She was finally doing a lot better. I was always there for her and didn't want anything but a normal friendship. She was part of my family. It has left me sad also has left me feeling free. Sure I miss her but now I find myself being more positive and wanting to get my life better and happier. I thought that her and I would do that together but now I realize that I can only do that myself and I am starting to make those changes. If you read this thanks and I hope it made sense.This all happend last week. So how do you move on from a friendship? Sometimes it feels like I broke up with somebody. I am in my late 30's and thought that I was beyond stuff like this. But I guess you always can and do learn.

[Kheldarson]

How do you move on?

Well, you could literally move. I lost a number of friends that way over the years. Keeping in touch with people when you're in elementary school is hard

Personally, I think you should just distance yourself. Because honestly, you still sound worried about her and what she might do. Means you keep in touch according to your schedule. Her lifestyle is bringing you down. So don't stick around for it. But maybe talk to her once a month to make sure she's okay. Or let her reach out to you to talk. Not an official break-up, but allows the friendship to fade away if it's going to.

[TowelKing]

It's not easy forgetting a friendship. Nor does it sound easy what she's been through.
A friendship is very much like a relationship. You give a part of yourself to that person. And just like a relationship, when something happens, you leave that piece of you with them, and you'll always have a piece of them.
The biggest thing I can recommend is to remember the good times: laughing, having fun, doing random stuff with each other.
You've grown as a person throughout the friendship, and you have tried to help your friend grow as a person; unfortunately, she has to want to change. If she doesn't, then there is nothing you can do. You helped a lot by simply being there for her and not judging her, but she needs to see for herself how she is getting hurt. And that is not something you can help with.
If you want to stay available for her as a friend, venting board, etc. then I would suggest dropping a line apologizing for upsetting her, but don't apologize for what you said. Just that it upset her. Tell her you're there for her if she needs it, and leave it at that.
If she does want to better her situation, and it could take years, she will come to you, and she will feel better about it. As it stands right now, she more than likely feels like you are trying to control her, and don't respect her choices in life.
Shea scared, but not willing to admit it to anyone, because she doesn't want to get hurt more by her friends.

Be there for her, if you want to, but let her come to you.

Otherwise, remember the good times and pray for her (if you pray).
Best of luck.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Oh, geeze. Your former friend sounds really depressed. Note: depression: makes people crazy. It's not easy to deal with!
And yeah, you did break up with someone. Love is care and trust; love is action, love is being in a person's life in a way that means if it's gone, there's an emptiness. I'm sorry.
EDIT: what towelking said is pretty spot-on too.

[JLG]

I do feel like I did break up with somebody. She has been putting more stuff on her twitter about it. Like I hurt her and she wont tell me why becasue I will not understand. And that I have been talking behind her back. We don't even have any friends in common so I have no idea what she means.

The weird thing is that a week leading up to this she seemed different. Her text messages changed. Kinda like her personality was different. Nothing bad but just different. And when we had that lunch for the first time ever it just felt weird. Like a different person was sitting there.

I really don't know if I should wait until she figures stuff out. I mean is that fair to me? If she would have told me that I upset her I would have said sorry. But she just started all of the facebook and twitter bashing that I thought it was too late, that she
already made up her mind that the friendship is over. Her choices were bringing me down and now I do feel like a weight is off my shoulders but I didn't want it to happen like this. Thank you for all of your responses. It helps because I feel alone in this.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

I can't help but think that some of this is because of her depression. Not that that excuses her behavior, but it provides some of the reason why she's acting like this. I am in no way saying that you should stay friends with her, mind, but... I'm actually really concerned for your ex-friend. (... I also don't know if she acted like this before her depression )
I have no doubt that you feel better after breaking up-- which is a clue that you did the right thing.

[Shangri-laschild]

Ending a friendship with someone you're best friends with can be hard. I still get nostalgic sometimes for an old friend of mine but it's gotten to a point where I don't doubt or get urges to call her anymore. The key is distancing yourself as much as possible. Let yourself enjoy the memories of the good times but hold your ground.

[Treasure]

Its time to sit your friend down, and stop ignoring the elephant in the room - you know that she's upset and posting about it on Twitter and facebook... its time to call her out on it.
The 2 of you need to have an open and frank heart to heart - sure she's posting how she feels all over everywhere for any and all to see - but what about you? are you responding or letting it go? (i presume letting it go).... and you need to tell her that what she's doing is passive-aggressive and that its beneath her and you....

You may want to start out by writing everything down - and then condense it into an outline with bullet points - this will help you to keep from getting distracted and off topic... also Do NOT make it a confrontation - just a conversation...

reassure her that you care....that you feel as though she's pushing you away and that if that is what she wants you'll give her her space.