Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

How do I approach my parents with this?

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 1
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous template Next
  • #1

    How do I approach my parents with this?

    I have an uncle, we'll call him A, who just creeps me out. I can't say why, he just does. (No, he never touched me inappropriately, I just get weirded out)

    My other paternal uncles are fine (except F, but only in his house. He's a hoarder, and there is maybe 15 square feet available), hell my mom's brother is fine, it's just A. I only see him for one week every two years, but it really bothers me.

    So...how do I tell my dad that his younger brother creeps me out?
    What if Humans are just Dire Halflings?
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Don't say anything. You only see him for one week every two years, and you are not being physically endangered.

    A lot of people creep me out, but unless I feel unsafe, I remain polite and keep my mouth shut.

    If you have to ask, it's probably better posted at www.fratching.com

    Comment

    • #3
      Can you just avoid being alone with him? If you see him so infrequently I would imagine there's lots of family around when you do...?
      I don't go in for ancient wisdom
      I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
      It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

      Comment

      • #4
        What do you hope to achieve by talking to your parents about it?

        Possibilities include getting out of seeing him, getting out of being alone with him, communicating your feelings to your parents....

        The third is just as valid as the first two. And you might even learn something!

        Sometimes a family will keep 'secrets' like 'Uncle Joe has mild intellectual deficiency' or 'Auntie Jane is high functioning autistic'. If you learn something of that order, it might even make Uncle A seem less creepy to you - because you can then go away, learn about typical behaviours for (eg) high functioning autism, think back, and realise that THAT is what has been creeping you out all these years.

        Or you might not. :/

        What I'm trying to say here is to think about what you want to achieve by talking to your parents. When you know what you want to achieve, you'll be better able to figure out how to approach them.
        Seshat's self-help guide:
        1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
        2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
        3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
        4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

        "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

        Comment

        • #5
          Try to not be alone with him and be careful how you talk to him. Sometimes people who do creepy things try to test the waters first. If you don't seem to go along with any creepiness or are clearly uncomfortable then it's a strong indication of being more trouble than it's worth. I've been on the receiving end of a creepy uncle testing the waters (didn't realize until the conversation went straight over the line into what the hell is going on land but luckily it didn't go any further) so if you want to vent or talk more about it feel free to PM me. Seshat is very right about deciding what you're hoping to get out of the conversation. Also take into account how your parents seem to feel about your uncle and if they seem to look forward to seeing him or really like him.
          "Man, having a conversation with you is like walking through a salvador dali painting." - Mac Hall

          Comment

          • #6
            I'll agree with Shangri-la, too.

            Sometimes 'creepiness' is simply behaviour associated with the person not being neurotypical. (IE: having a mental, neural or psychiatric illness or disability.)

            Sometimes 'creepiness' is a person being poorly socialised.

            Sometimes 'creepiness' is a sign of sociopathy, psychopathy, or straight-out criminality of one sort or another.
            And it doesn't have to be a potential rapist; someone sizing you up as a fraud target, or even as an assistant to their crooked schemes, can come across as creepy.

            For your sake, I hope your creepy uncle is creepy for one of the innocent cases. (Non-neurotypical, or poorly socialised.)
            Seshat's self-help guide:
            1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
            2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
            3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
            4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

            "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

            Comment

            • #7
              Just stay away from him.

              Comment

              • #8
                If he's creepy solely because he's not-neurotypical, "just stay away" isn't really fair - either to the uncle OR, ultimately, to Parrothead. Parrothead would miss out on a potentially worthwhile relationship with a relative; and the uncle would miss out on yet another relationship. A lot of not-neurotypical people are actually wonderful people once you understand that their oddities are nothing to worry about.

                (That said, some not-neurotypical people are assholes. Disabled people go the full range from asshole to angel, just like the temporarily-able-bodied.)

                Parrothead: On reflection, I would suggest thinking about the various options for why he's creepy. If you end up suspecting he's creepy because he's .. well, sleazy or criminal or otherwise an asshole, then yeah, go ahead with talking to your folks about staying away from him. Or just avoid him regardless.

                If you suspect he might be creepy because of poor socialisation or non-neurotypicality; and that he may well not also be an asshole; see if you can get your parents to cough up at least a basic range of the type of non-neurotypicality. Then you can decide whether to make an effort to get to know him; at least enough to decide whether he's actually closer to angel than asshole.
                Seshat's self-help guide:
                1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
                2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
                3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
                4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

                "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

                Comment

                • #9
                  I have an uncle (my mum's brother) who is the same, but he is only like it with his nieces (just me and my sister). My parents noticed it by themselves, and they believe it is because he doesn't have any kids of his own and he doesn't know how to socialise with them, so I agree with the people who say it could be a result of poor socialisation.

                  However, your parents have said nothing to indicate that they know. Perhaps it would be best for you to say nothing to them unless he does something that is out of line, and just avoid being alone with him. I avoid being alone with my uncle in order to minimise the problem, especially since I don't know if his behaviour is the result of poor socialisation, and it seems to be an effective solution.

                  Hope this helps.

                  Comment

                  Previous template Next
                  Working...
                  X