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Father Troubles, Help!
Background - I used to have a pretty close relationship with my dad when I was younger. My mom had to work alot so I didn't always see her until after supper. She was the only one working for the longest while. Because of this, when my mom wanted to deal with their married, my father managed to convince me and my siblings that my mom hated us and didn't care about us because she'd rather be at work or with her family, never telling us that the reason she was working so hard is because he kept pulling her out of work for random shit and she had to make up the hours and if her family came to see her, it was short visits during her lunch break. He eventually started to drive away my siblings, first my younger brother then my younger sister. When I was alone with him (and even when my Girlfriend, who wasn't my gf at the time just a very good friend) he constantly put me down, saying that I didn't want to do anything with my life and that I was fat and lazy. Most of my self esteem issues rose from these several years. He even tried to turn my future girlfriend against me and to try to take his side. I stayed living with him until He decided to kick me and my girlfriend with little to no reason. /end background
My father has been making it hard for me to have a parent relationship with him. He claims that it was all my fault that he lost the house he was renting as he apparently had to file for bankruptcy, though this didn't cause him to lose his Jeep or his Motorcycle. He claims that I have never done anything for him and that I don't love him because of it, even though it was me to allowed him to be able to see one of his grandchildren on christmas even though my older sister would have rather the man drop of the edge of the earth. If you try to take to him about what happened in the past, he will quickly round on you, proclaiming to high heaven all of the sins that you have done to him but will adamantly denies every doing anything to you. A Prime example of this is when we all agreed to talk out our problems and such, he took us to a tim horton's (A Coffee shop that sell much more then coffee) that was all the way in the industrial area where he was certain he would have us nice and trapped to not be able to escape his telling us all that we have done to hurt him. There was a closer tim horton's that was a couple blocks away from my mom's house which had a better chance of not getting us stranded but my father wanted full and utter power over us. He made sure that we didn't go inside the tim horton's unlike what was agreed upon (More People tended to mean that he's be less likely to act like an ass hole) though I must say my brother had to work him to us being outside of the Tim horton's as the man wanted us trapped in his jeep for this. It ended in me moving off to cry, my sister storming off to comfort me and my brother doing damage control. Though he hated it when he found out that we had a backup plan for if he pulled something like this. We made plans to phone my mom or my grandparents on my mom's side if we were stranded.
He also allowed his girlfriend to be verbally abusive to me when I was moving rooms around to my sister's empty room. I was attempting to organize my things and she came into the room, screaming that if I didn't start moving my ass that she was going to rip my posters down and start throwing them and anything else I had into garbage bags and outside. She kept screaming at me until I started shouting 'Stop Yelling at me! Stop Yelling at Me!' as I was starting to feel an uneasiness well in me, it was later on that I found out that she was a physically abusive person to her daughter (Amongst my other types). My father came in at this point and told me off for yelling at her, even though where he was he would have been able to clearly hear that I had not started it, was only getting frightened and upset as she had no right to scream at me like that.
My brother then started to work very hard to attempt to fix the relationship with my father and us kids. But my father never really appreciated anything he did and even used him as slave labour on the week of his wedding, the week that my brother took off of work to properly grieve over the passing of our grandfather (Mother's side) which in turn didn't give him full and proper grieving time. When I started putting the effort in was when I phoned him to wish him a happy father's day, by my own with no prompting from my brother. I found out that he bitched and moaned about phoning on father's day because I had nothing to really say, telling my brother he knew he got me too, when my brother honestly told him that he had nothing to do with it and I did it on my own.
He's told me that he's dealt with everything of his past as apparently the new 'dealing with it' is ignoring it and pretending it never happened.
I've been trying for the last 3-4 years or so to work things out but there is nothing more I can do. I don't know what to do to be honest. My brother has tried so hard and he's the reason why I kept trying with my dad but eveytime I have any communication with him, it takes alot out of me and I usually end up in tears for one reason or another.
My father is planning to move out of the city, or at least that's the rumor floating around. Should I take this time to cut ties with him? at least until he's willing to don on his 'grown up' pants and deal with the issues he's caused all five of his children.
My father has been making it hard for me to have a parent relationship with him. He claims that it was all my fault that he lost the house he was renting as he apparently had to file for bankruptcy, though this didn't cause him to lose his Jeep or his Motorcycle. He claims that I have never done anything for him and that I don't love him because of it, even though it was me to allowed him to be able to see one of his grandchildren on christmas even though my older sister would have rather the man drop of the edge of the earth. If you try to take to him about what happened in the past, he will quickly round on you, proclaiming to high heaven all of the sins that you have done to him but will adamantly denies every doing anything to you. A Prime example of this is when we all agreed to talk out our problems and such, he took us to a tim horton's (A Coffee shop that sell much more then coffee) that was all the way in the industrial area where he was certain he would have us nice and trapped to not be able to escape his telling us all that we have done to hurt him. There was a closer tim horton's that was a couple blocks away from my mom's house which had a better chance of not getting us stranded but my father wanted full and utter power over us. He made sure that we didn't go inside the tim horton's unlike what was agreed upon (More People tended to mean that he's be less likely to act like an ass hole) though I must say my brother had to work him to us being outside of the Tim horton's as the man wanted us trapped in his jeep for this. It ended in me moving off to cry, my sister storming off to comfort me and my brother doing damage control. Though he hated it when he found out that we had a backup plan for if he pulled something like this. We made plans to phone my mom or my grandparents on my mom's side if we were stranded.
He also allowed his girlfriend to be verbally abusive to me when I was moving rooms around to my sister's empty room. I was attempting to organize my things and she came into the room, screaming that if I didn't start moving my ass that she was going to rip my posters down and start throwing them and anything else I had into garbage bags and outside. She kept screaming at me until I started shouting 'Stop Yelling at me! Stop Yelling at Me!' as I was starting to feel an uneasiness well in me, it was later on that I found out that she was a physically abusive person to her daughter (Amongst my other types). My father came in at this point and told me off for yelling at her, even though where he was he would have been able to clearly hear that I had not started it, was only getting frightened and upset as she had no right to scream at me like that.
My brother then started to work very hard to attempt to fix the relationship with my father and us kids. But my father never really appreciated anything he did and even used him as slave labour on the week of his wedding, the week that my brother took off of work to properly grieve over the passing of our grandfather (Mother's side) which in turn didn't give him full and proper grieving time. When I started putting the effort in was when I phoned him to wish him a happy father's day, by my own with no prompting from my brother. I found out that he bitched and moaned about phoning on father's day because I had nothing to really say, telling my brother he knew he got me too, when my brother honestly told him that he had nothing to do with it and I did it on my own.
He's told me that he's dealt with everything of his past as apparently the new 'dealing with it' is ignoring it and pretending it never happened.
I've been trying for the last 3-4 years or so to work things out but there is nothing more I can do. I don't know what to do to be honest. My brother has tried so hard and he's the reason why I kept trying with my dad but eveytime I have any communication with him, it takes alot out of me and I usually end up in tears for one reason or another.
My father is planning to move out of the city, or at least that's the rumor floating around. Should I take this time to cut ties with him? at least until he's willing to don on his 'grown up' pants and deal with the issues he's caused all five of his children.
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