handling public freakouts

[JoitheArtist]

I am a major introvert and often have trouble in crowds. When surrounded by people I don't know and have nothing in common with, I sometimes start to feel like I'm suffocating. I start to breathe shallowly, chew on my tongue, and fight back tears. I HATE it when this happens, because it draws attention, which of course just makes it worse. Any tips on how to not freak out?

[Taboo]

Do you wear headphones in public?

I generally do when I go out, even if I don't have music playing. I know that most people won't expect me to be able to hear them or try to have a conversation with me when they see my headphones, so I don't have the panicky pressure of worrying about having to talk to strangers.

I also give myself something to do. Like if I'm on the subway or train, I'll bring a sudoku book or something similar, so I'm distracted, and if I have to walk through a crowd, I'll make up my grocery shopping list for the week in my head. Something that I can do while still being aware of what's going on, but that will take up enough of my concentration that I won't dwell on how many people are around.

There are a lot of good breathing exercises for anxiety as well.

Usually by the time I'm freaking out, I need to just go outside and walk around for a minute - it's hard to calm down from that once it starts, and easier to try to prevent it from happening in the first place.

[Mytical]

Not really, because at one point I was exactly like that. I could ride in the smallest of elevators without worry, but when it comes to having too many people around ...ugh.

Can try closing your eyes or trying to picture everybody as something you find funny.

[ArcticChicken]

I also cope with crowds by wearing my headphones, though I always listen to music. I haven't tried it in a really heavy crowd, but it works great on my commute.

[JoitheArtist]

Thanks for the advice, all!

I actually typed that note from a party I was at, so headphones weren't really an option. But I remembered a breathing exercise, and that helped a lot!

[Lyse]

I have agoraphobia with panic, and I strongly recommend the breathing exercises. At one point a couple of years ago, I literally was unable to leave the house for three days until a family member came over to go to the store with me - now I can even ride the local transit. I may not like it, but I can do it. The doctor that worked with me had me do a bunch of things, but it doesn't sound like you need anything that intense. As corny as it sounds meditation, breathing and just recognizing what was happening was about 80% of the therapy.

[Kheldarson]

If at a party I need to be at or whatever, I find a quiet corner or room to go into for a few minutes. It allows me to reset before dealing with more people.

[JoitheArtist]

If at a party I need to be at or whatever, I find a quiet corner or room to go into for a few minutes. It allows me to reset before dealing with more people.

That's what I ended up doing. A few well-meaning extroverts came by to check on me at first, but then they left me alone and I was able to recover.

I also remembered, during the downtime, that I've been running really manic all week. My emotions are more volatile than usual during those times, and I'm more prone to dramatic outbreaks. So I think it was just a combination of that and stress.

But I was able to go out and have fun at the party, so it all ended up ok.

[Seshat]

I am a major introvert and often have trouble in crowds. When surrounded by people I don't know and have nothing in common with, I sometimes start to feel like I'm suffocating. I start to breathe shallowly, chew on my tongue, and fight back tears. I HATE it when this happens, because it draws attention, which of course just makes it worse. Any tips on how to not freak out?

That sounds like a panic attack.

Neurochemically, you're in fight/flight/freeze mode: you've got an adrenalin rush, with all that that implies, and a strong neurological signal to either run away or freeze to the spot. (And if prevented, to fight until you can flee.)

As others have said, get away from the crowd. At a party, head for the kitchen: that's where the introverts tend to gather. And even if there's an extrovert or two there, if you say to the folks in the kitchen that you 'need to catch your breath', almost certainly someone will point out a room you can escape to, and they'll 'guard' it so you can recover.

Another suitable space can be not the bathrooms, but the corridor leading to the bathrooms. Or a spot just off there.


Next, you signal to your body that you don't need adrenalin anymore, and you'd like it to produce noradrenalin (calming-down chemical) instead, please.
Control your breathing. Slow, deep breaths will do it.
My last panic attack, I counted backwards from ten, controlling my breath each number. It wasn't enough, so I said the alphabet backwards and kept controlling my breath.

Engaging your intellect can often help (the reason I said the alphabet backwards, not forwards). This may be another reason that Taboo finds Sudoku helpful.

Finally, I would recommend seeing a talking-therapist. A counsellor, a psychologist, a mental health nurse - anyone qualified. A round of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) may help. (Think of it as physiotherapy for your mind.)


With all of that said: I have a bottle of valium tablets in my handbag. If saying the alphabet backwards and controlling my breathing doesn't calm me down, a valium tablet usually does.
It's NOT for everyday use: my little yellowish saviours are to be used only when a panic attack that I can't control hits me.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I used to get panic attacks with that suffocating feeling...felt like my throat was closing up, weird feeling in my lips and tongue (always expected my tongue to be swelling but when I'd look in the mirror of course it was fine). I don't get them near as often as I used to but there were nights I couldn't even lay down in bed because even the slightest pressure of gravity on my throat was enough to make me think I was choking to death.

After it happened enough times I learned to sort of consciously analyze what I was feeling and what was really happening. "My tongue feels weird...look in the mirror...nothing wrong with it." "My throat is closing and I can't breathe or swallow...but wait, look, you are breathing, you can swallow, you're fine."

The first time I had a panic attack I ended up at the hospital, because I had trouble swallowing and my throat felt tight. Of course they found nothing wrong, and later I realized that all the while I was thinking "I can't swallow, something's terribly wrong" I was taking sips of water and swallowing them just fine. I can invoke that sensation by trying to swallow when there is nothing in my mouth to swallow, and I realize that must be what happened but I was already in an agitated state (which had started at least half an hour earlier while I was sitting on my break feeling all nervous for no apparent reason) so when I felt that sensation it was the last straw before I really freaked out. While I was on my break that night I was eating a Hershey bar with almonds, and about a week later I had another attack on my way out of work, and I had grabbed some peanut M&Ms from a coworker on my way out. I still can't eat nuts but aside from that I can deal with the rest by engaging my brain when it happens.

[firecat88]

I go into panic mode like that too sometimes. Especially if the crowd I'm in happens to all be talking at the same time. For example, the other day, most of my mom's side of the family who came to my sister's wedding were leaving to go back to their respective homes. So there was a lot of goodbye-ing and talking and, naturally, because there were so many conversations going on at the same time, they all kept getting louder. We're Venezuelan. We're loud. And I was more-or-less trapped in the middle of it all, and I could feel myself starting to hyperventilate and get teary. Bro-in-law (who I swear picks up on when I'm having a freak-out even before my parents or anyone else in the family does) came to my rescue, though, and got me away from there.

I'm not sure if mine is really a crowds issue, a noise issue, or both, but yes. The best thing to do is to just keep breathing (I've found that three-count breaths are best), try to find your happy place, and get the heck away from the crowd.

[dragon_wings]

I ride the bus to and from work and depending on what time I get on the bus it may be really crowded. I hate having to stand cause firstly I have crap balance but also people tend to get into my personal space if I'm standing. My general way to deal is listen to music as loud as I can stand it and if I need to rant I text a friend.

[ShadowBall]

I get that way around groups of people too...even if it's people I know. I can usually handle being with about three other people at a time (like going out for a meal), but more than that and I gotta get the fuck out of there. Like at the end of the summer semester, everybody crammed into one room and jabbered and drank and had fun...I sat and played Pokemon because I just had nothing to talk about and I was very anxious around so many people.

If it's people I do not know, headphones save me a lot. I blast music into my head, daydream and just try to let myself go on auto-pilot. It makes long walks go by faster and helps me deal with being around big groups of people - I had to learn to do that living in Pittsburgh where people travel in groups and don't know how to fucking walk like normal human beings because they wear their pants mid-thigh.

I also freak out when people get in my personal space...I don't have a huge "me" bubble, but if someone's so close to me that they are touching me or I can feel them breathing on me, I start to fidget. And I always seem to end up near the assholes who will inch in closer to me when I move away to give myself some space.

Oddly enough, crowded elevators don't bug me as much because I know everybody's got someplace to be and sometimes being crammed into an elevator like it's a clown car seems to have reason and therefore is more bearable in my mind. I just hate that I can't scratch an itch without touching someone's crotch or ass in an elevator.

[Barracuda]

That's definitely a panic or anxiety attack; there's only a slight difference between the two. I suffered from them very recently due to my job working at an at home call center; I eventually had to take leave, then was let go as I was completely unable to work (I could work maybe 15 minutes at a time before I would just shut down.) My best advice would be to seek medical and psychiatric help. Prescribed medication can help, as can therapy or even some nutritional and herbal supplements. I also dislike large crowds, I feel like I'm being watched and judged, so I can understand where you're coming from. Something that helped me, as silly as it sounds, was pretending in my mind that I was carrying a holstered sidearm and that I was capable of immediately defending myself if necessary. Of course, my anxiety originally arose from having to watch my back at school for bullies, so I suppose effective techniques would depend on what the original source of your fear is.

[blas]

I don't think it's always due to being introverted.

I think of myself as quite social, but large groups terrify me. Not just crowds in general, but crowds in small stores, small bars, small restaurants, etc.

This is why I hate Christmas shopping so much. I can't afford shipping or the nonsecurity of delivery from online shopping, and we get a bonus or extra pay period in December (usually), so unfortunately, I have to go when I have the money on me.

I hate super busy stores with screaming kids and people in general rotten moods and the rushrush, hurry hurry attitude. I hate being trapped in a small bar with lots of people and loud music and everyone spilling on each other. I hate being in a crowded restaurant with lots of families. I feel like everyone is watching me.