Seeing Red (Rant, LOOONG, and very involved)

[Jester]

PS: A question. My mom and I choose not to go to events at which my Dad and my Aunt (mom's Evil Twin) could be present. Is this selfish (this is what my sister calls it)? I don't think so, but my Mom has really taken it to heart, and I would like some outside opinions on the matter.

Is it selfish? Yes, to an extent. But there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes it is necessary to be selfish. And this particular selfishness is also a bit selfless, in the sense that you are giving up being at an event you might want to be at in order to spare other people unnecessary drama or problems. So, selfish? Sure. But that doesn't mean it's a bad thing.

[Marmalady]

Is it selfish? Yes, to an extent. But there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes it is necessary to be selfish. And this particular selfishness is also a bit selfless, in the sense that you are giving up being at an event you might want to be at in order to spare other people unnecessary drama or problems. So, selfish? Sure. But that doesn't mean it's a bad thing.

I believe it was Ambrose Bierce who defined selfishness as 'Lack of consideration for other people's selfishness'.

Totally with Jester on this. You are putting aside your own very natural wishes to be at family members' special occasions, in order to spare them the scenes that the others would undoubtedly create. That's not selfishness, quite the opposite.

And it's not selfishness to cut someone toxic out of your life, it's self-preservation. My own mother has nothing to do with her brother and hasn't done for years... it was no one thing that he did, just a huge gradual accumulation of lies, hurt and bull, until one day she said 'No more'.

[MoonCat]

Your sis sounds kinda manipulative. People like that are impossible to deal with, because they have to control everything, even little unimportant things. Bottom line: If you have more peace of mind from not having to deal with this behavior, then I don't think you are wrong.