What is my obligation here?

[flybye023]

I've mentioned before that I play the piano for our church baptisms. They take place on the first Saturday of every month. I was asked to do it regularly basically after other people who were asked kept flaking out and not showing up. I've been doing it for 3-4 years now.

It is not an official position but several times over the past maybe 2 years I've been asked by the program director if I wanted it to be official. I said yes, but nothing ever happened so the last time I was asked (via e-mail) I just ignored the message.

This year I have been feeling tired of doing the job and like it's someone else's turn. I had decided to let the people in charge know that December would be my final month. Last month, I was approached again, this time by someone a little higher up the food chain, and was told that they had finally decided to make it an official position and would I do it. I said no, that I had been doing it for several years and was tired and ready for someone else to take over. The person looked a little taken aback but agreed that 4 years was a long time (most positions usually last about 2 years). I then stated that I would be willing to play until they found someone (my understanding was that they were finally serious).

I haven't heard anything since. Now, I realize that a month really isn't time to find someone but I'm a little worried that they won't really look for someone either. So I'm wondering, do I keep playing because I said I would or maybe give them a date. (I'm thinking March now, because I will be out of town that first Saturday anyway.)

[BookstoreEscapee]

Well, you didn't say you'd do it for the rest of your life when you first said you'd do it, right? You have every right to decide this is something you no longer want to/can do for whatever reasons (especially as it doesn't sound like this is a paying gig). If you're willing to give them a few extra months, that's up to you. I would give them a definite date for the last time you'll be available, whenever that is. If they don't bother to find someone by then, that's not your problem. Most people give two weeks notice when they quit a job. I realize it's not exactly the same situation but a few months notice is generous and certainly enough time for them to find someone to play the piano...or get a CD player and some speakers...

[Seshat]

I agree with Bookstore Escapee. Live music is a privilege, not a right. FREE live music is very much a privilege.

Even with a day's notice, they should be able to scrounge up a CD player, speakers, and a copy of Four Seasons (Vivaldi). Not that I'm advocating you giving them only a day's notice!

If they have a regular bi-weekly or monthly newsletter, give them time to make an announcement in the newsletter and in the church announcements after services; and a reasonable amount of time for responses to the announcement & processing it. Maybe set your leaving date to be a week or two after the next newsletter.

[iradney]

A month is actually alot of time. That's roughly 22 working days, or 176 working hours in which to find someone. Not your problem. You're being very polite and considerate giving them that much notice, esp since I suspect there's nothing in writing with them about notice periods etc.

[Jester]

I had decided to let the people in charge know that December would be my final month.

I then stated that I would be willing to play until they found someone (my understanding was that they were finally serious).

Now, I realize that a month really isn't time to find someone but I'm a little worried that they won't really look for someone either.

(I'm thinking March now, because I will be out of town that first Saturday anyway.)

A few things here. First, if you want December to be your final month, then have December be your final month. And make sure they KNOW that come January, you are vacating the piano bench. Thank you, it's been a pleasure, I'm outta here.

If you would prefer to go to March, go to March. That is your decision. But do not stay on until March just because you feel bad for them.

And hell, it is early November. You are not giving them a month, you're giving them practically TWO. That kind of notice is almost unheard of in most jobs.

Now, whatever you decide, be it December or March, not only should you decide that based upon what is best for YOU and what YOU want to do, but you should also stick to that date, make sure they know what the date is, and if they can't be bothered to get off their asses and find someone new, simply because you've always been there for them.....

Well, tough.

Whatever you do, do NOT let them use you, or guilt you into staying past your intended final date.

[Rapscallion]

From what you say there's no written contract. They have no hold over you other than guilt.

I suspect it will be deployed.

Rapscallion

[flybye023]

I guess I just don't want to be seen as breaking my word but to me my promise was "I'll keep playing while you're actively looking." Not, "I'll keep playing while you sit on it for another 6 months."

So if by January, say, I still haven't heard anything it's not going back on what I said to then set a deadline?

[BookstoreEscapee]

So if by January, say, I still haven't heard anything it's not going back on what I said to then set a deadline?

I think that's way more than fair. If they're just gonna sit on their hands and not even say anything to you, they are taking advantage of you. Don't let them.

[Jester]

So if by January, say, I still haven't heard anything it's not going back on what I said to then set a deadline?

Give them a specific date. For example, "Just so you folks know, my last date playing here will be Sunday, January 1st.* After that, I'm sorry, but you'll need a new musician." If by January 8th they have no one, you are not to blame, nor should you feel guilty. A month is a very long notice...2 months is beyond considerate.

*I listed that date just as an example. You pick the date you want to leave on, and stick to it.

And no, it's not going back on what you said to set a deadline, especially if you know they aren't doing jack to find someone. Actually, setting a deadline is merely adding to what you said....earlier you gave them an unspecific time table, and now you are tightening up and giving a very specific timetable. Because, if you don't, you may well be there for another year or ten.

[Seshat]

Give them a set date now. Don't wait until January.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Definitely give them a final date, in writing, and stick to it. I was chapter leader for my local bereavement group for two years and things got so ugly the first year I KNEW I couldn't go on after the second (we had decided on two year terms with an option of being reappointed at least once). I was given the same advice and I told the board of directors that my last day as leader would be July 31, 2010...and it was. I did give them generous notice but that was a HUGE role to fill. Your church ought to be able to find another piano player without too much trouble, and if they have to pay someone, so be it. Good luck!

[Kogarashi]

I do believe I'm in the same church as you (albeit a different ward, obviously).

I asked my husband what he thought, since he's pretty close to that "higher-up the food chain" position you mentioned. We both think that stopping with March (so last day in February) is very generous and a good idea. Let them know now that February will be the last time you play, and remind them again shortly after that last day. That's more than enough time for them to find a replacement, especially if they're making it an official calling. Beyond that, no, you have no obligation to stay, especially if you have warned them that you can't keep doing it. Heck, even if it was already an official calling, you still have every right to step back and say, "I don't think I can keep doing this."

If they don't find a replacement before March's baptism day, don't worry about it. Either someone will step in to sub at the last minute, or someone will find a music player and CD (I know there are CD versions of all the relevant songs; I own some of them), or people will sing a cappella. Don't stress over it.