Am I overreacting or is he being mean?

[Saphire089]

I kind of had an argument with my bf. I love him but we're long distance atm and sometimes have disagreements. Both questions relate to the nintendo 3ds.

1.First I ask about street pass and/or spotpass. I ask a few questions, then after I ask to confirm and he's kind of annoyed that I'm asking. It's in my personality to double check things.

2.I'm really bad at judging distance. I leave my 3ds in my purse with streetpasss enabled in my locker. I commented that i got data and then wonder how far streetpass reaches. I say something about googling it and he makes a big deal about me googling it saying I should try to think about it before googling. I try to explain i'm bad with distance, and it would take me a few minutes, so I'd rather use google, and get a quick answer. I dont use google for every llittle thing i have. He acts like google is a horrible thing and i feel like me using it for one little thing is some kind of crime. So i pretty much make another comment that I simply wont ask him to explain anything else or say anything when I'm trying to figure something out, as he will probably just find another way to make me feel weird.

He complains about elitists in games and that is a valid complaint as one group member (game group) is always bragging about weapons and trying to tell us what weapons we should or shouldnt use. However I sometimes wonder if he is one himself.


If you feel I'm ovverreactng to this go ahead and say it. I hope this does not need to go into fratching as I dont see any reason to.

[Shangri-laschild]

I like the verify to. Having a best friend who comes from a very different mind frame from me means that we often have moments where it seems obvious to us that the other is saying one thing while something completely different seems obvious to the other person. We've learned the hard way to be very careful about not assuming and clarifying.

I am also horrible at distances. One of our lock reps at work kept telling me two things had to be within 500 feet of each other in an area and I kept giving him blank looks. Turns out that each area is no more than 100 feet so it's no issue but honestly I had no clue. There is nothing wrong with looking stuff like that up.

Honestly I'd lean more towards him overreacting.

[yeahwhatev]

The long and short version?? You sound a little young, and this sounds like a teenaged romance issue. Forgive me if my assumptions are off. The thing I mean by that is that most teenagers (and far too many people old enough to know better..) don't have very good communication skills.

Relationships take work. Being long distance generally means you have issues and stress that come with the package. This argument sounds like you got snapped at and are wondering why it happened. You won't find that answer here. You have to ask HIM.

Now, he has a point.. (In MHO) in that people can get spoiled by quick fixes and if they overuse the "easy way" never develop skills needed to actually perform things "The hard way" when they have to.

Relationships take WORK. Communication is paramount to being successful at it. If you think he was too forceful in his objection.. TELL HIM! Don't start another argument, just let him know "I understand that you don't like Google, but I think you were over-reacting, and it hurt my feelings a little." Go from there.

[Chanlin]

On being annoyed by questions one of my personal pet peeves is repeating myself. I know its an issue so I try not to let having to repeat myself bother me too much. It does get me annoyed especially if I have to repeat myself several times in a row though.

A friend of mine who is a tech whiz is a bit like that too. Except he gets annoyed about answering what he perceives to be simple questions which to others are actually difficult. I'm being a bit general here. He understands that not everyone knows everything but he gets annoyed having to repeat himself after being asked about something several times as well.

I'm not sharing this because I think you were in the wrong on that point, but hoping to help you understand where your BF might be coming from with getting annoyed/snappy/short or what have you. If you genuinely don't understand something the only way to understand it is to ask questions. So don't ever feel bad about having to ask questions about something. One trick is to rephrase it though AND or rephrase the answer you get in your own words. The Psychological term for this is active listening and its actually used in relationship counseling to show that you are listening to the other person and understand what they said.

On the point of googling things. I consider myself reasonably intelligent/educated and I still turn to google for little things too. On this point I think you're BF is being a bit of a jerk.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Well...I'm 43 and I think he's being a jerk. Maybe you're not perfect but you have the right to be yourself. If he can't deal with it he should move on and be kind about it, or at least have a talk with you about things he thinks are REAL problems and not just things that annoy him. Definitely ask him to explain himself if you don't agree with his reaction to things you say or do...you can do it in a way that isn't picking a fight. If HE picks a fight, you'll have a better idea of who's being sucky here. Good luck.

[Jester]

I am really good at math. Scary good. As in I often have said I have a calculator for a brain. And while I don't know why simple arithmetic isn't as easy for everyone as it is for me, I DO recognize that isn't so. And I don't give people less gifted at math shit over needing a calculator for what are to me simple equations.

Personally, I think your bf needs to check himself, because he's being kind of an elitist snotty asshole, and a bit of a douche. I hope for your sake that this is the only area he acts like this. If not, I might advise reconsidering the whole relationship.

Let me ask you this...would he prefer you get something wrong by assuming you had it right the first time, with your inability to estimate distances? Me, I am the kind to double or tripe check stuff, and I don't give anyone shit for doing the same, if they want to make sure they have the right answer to their question. I don't know dick about the systems in question, but if you do, and want the answers, and want to be sure about the answers, there is nothing wrong with you double checking the figures online, be it with google or any other site, and for him to deride you about it is simply douchey behavior.

[Laund-o-rama Mama]

Sounds like he's got control issues. What does he care if you google? Who cares?? You're long distance, anyway, so it's not like he has to live with it.

I'm married to a super-planner who likes to double and triple check EVERYTHING. I am the more relaxed "whatever happens happens" type. Sometimes his OCD-ness annoys me, but it would be a total dick move to try and control and belittle him for this.

The other thing is, I realize that sometimes, he's right! I've learned to appreciate it, because they've come in handy more than once and he's saved our bacon with his prepared ways.

Which brings me to my other point: he's very insecure. People who complain about "elitists" I've found are generally insecure folks who feel like they are below the "elitists" (whether or not this is true). The fact that your planning ways upset him is another sign; he might feel on some level that you are rubbing it in his face how much better organized and prepared (and mature!) you are than he. I suspect because that's how I used to feel when I was younger. My pouting at it was more about how I felt about *myself*, not him.

This does NOT excuse him, though. He needs to grow up and keep it to himself.

[Seshat]

Different people think in different ways. Whenever I'm in a new relationship (including friendships) I have to learn to adapt to the way the new person in my life thinks.

Not saying that I have to change! By no means! But I have to learn how to accept - and find the advantages of - the way the new person thinks.

It sounds to me like one or both of you is expecting the other (or 'everyone') to think the same way they do.