Is It Just Me?

[Miss_Stress]

Thanks everyone. I've not been at home this weekend, so I don't know if anything's happened or not, but he's out at work at the minute.

It's coming round to the time where people look for student accomodation at Uni for next year, so I'm going to try and get in on somewhere with a couple of friends.

And you're all right, my mum's neither use nor ornament when he starts. She lets him speak to us like rubbish, because it's "easier" Plus, if either of us even start arguing with him, she sticks up for him even though she slags him off behind his back!

Again, thanks everyone

[Seshat]

If your sister is young enough to need a legal guardian, and willing to leave with you, talk to the police or legal aid or a 'survivors of abuse' help centre about organising for you to be her legal guardian.
I'm assuming you're willing - you might not be. If not, talk to them about options for getting her out.

If she's adult, tell her what you're doing. Consider how well you two get along: it might be worth it to you both to take a place together. Again, it might not.
If your sister is adult, staying or leaving is her decision. However, you leaving may prompt her to leave. (I think this would be a good thing!)

Your mother is adult. Staying is her choice. Letting her husband abuse her children is her choice.

Anyway... you're doing right. If you want advice, ask. But I'm glad to see you getting out.

[Miss_Stress]

**UPDATE**

He behaved well with me and my sister yesterday...and even took an interest in one of my Uni assessments and proofread a legal letter I'd written

However, he spoilt it all by kicking the dog when he wouldn't lie down. Cue me shouting at him for it, cue him having a tantrum and throwing his tea tray about in the kitchen.

[Miss_Stress]

**ANOTHER UPDATE**

Well, he's come home today and started muttering, so I went and asked him what was up. "BREAKFAST POTS HAVEN'T BEEN DRIED!" he shouted. We'd simply forgotten because today me and my sister have cleaned the house, washed and dried 4 days' worth of clothes for 4 people, cleaned up dog wee twice today, and changed the bedding. All he had to do was ask nicely and we would have gone and done it.

Then he went into my sister and said "has the dog weed in the house?" To which my sister replied "no" because she didn't want to get the dog into trouble. He then slammed out of the room calling her "fucking idle", so I responded with "she's not idle, she's cleaned this house and done your washing today!" He's currently stamping about upstairs.

If you were wondering if he'd even said hello to us or asked how we were, he didn't. I said to him "you haven't even asked us how we are" and he said "well obviously you are alright." People do hide problems (he should know seeing as he got us into debt and nearly cost us our house without my mum knowing until it was nearly too late!) from others.

So yeah....great.

[Seraph]

<big, big hugs>

[taxguykarl]

Get out of there ASAP, and take your sister...and the dog if at all possible. You absolutely do not need to be in the middle of this train wreck.

[MoonCat]

Sounds a lot like my father in some ways. He was an alcoholic and there was no living with him, so when I was 20 my mother kicked him out. It took a lot of nerve and help from her parents. He got better but never totally kicked the booze habit.

Either he needs to move out, or the rest of you do. You can't force your mom to go if she doesn't want to, but she can't change his behavior. Only he can do that.

[Miss_Stress]

He's at it again...we were watching TV tonight and I asked a question about a programme and his response was "HE WAS IN THE PASSENGER SEAT!" This was shouted in a tone that suggested I was getting on his nerves. So, I asked him why he was speaking to me like that and he denied he'd done it.

Then he said something about "let's all bow down to YOU" about me, so I asked him what his problem was. He said I'd been trying to get people wound up since I got home (for the record, I've come home, eaten my tea and done my uni work...I haven't even interacted with anyone except to ask a question), so I said "ok, when have I done that?" He just shook his head so I said "yeah, because you can't tell me. You make things up to suit yourself." So he's gone to bed in a huff.

Oh, and the dog's bitten him on the balls tonight can't say I'm sorry it happened, it might teach him to treat the dog better.

[Seshat]

Unlikely.

In fact, that gives him an opportunity to have the dog put down, whether you and your mother and sister consent or otherwise.

Seriously, I'd be making quick plans to get out.

[Miss_Stress]

Seshat, maybe the dog would be better off dead than in this. I know that sounds harsh, but he's 16 and dependent on £32 worth of heart tablets a month, plus he has doggy dementia, as well as being almost blind and deaf. Nobody is going to want to take him on if we tried to rehome him.

My dad will never have that dog put down. That involves taking responsibility for something.

It's awful to love someone yet be so ashamed of them at the same time.

[Seshat]

In that case, either smuggle the dog out of the house to the vet and be with him while you have him put down (kinder for the dog, hard as hell for you). If you have to, explain the situation to the vet (that you're saving up to get yourself and your sister out as well); he/she might give you a deal on the euthanasia.

You might also report your father for animal abuse. This will probably make things temporarily worse for you, your sister and your mother, as your father is likely to take his rage at being reported out on you. But is likely to have the dog taken by the shelter. Who will probably make the same assessment you did, and thus he'll have a kindly vet put him to sleep.

Or take the dog and surrender him to a shelter. Unfortunately, shelters here must keep a surrendered animal for a week: your father might be motivated enough to go find him. Even if he doesn't, that's a week your dog spends alone in a strange place, before he's put to sleep.

This is a very hard decision, I know. But it may be the best one for the dog.

[Miss_Stress]

My parents are going away for the weekend on Friday, and I'm considering just taking him and having him put to sleep and telling them that he was really ill so I had him put down.

He's all sweetness and light with the dog this morning.

[Seraph]

<bigger hugs for Miss Stress> Its a tough decision, but it'll be best for the poor pooch. Poor guy.