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  • #1

    girlfriend issues:

    Ok just got in a bit of a row with the better half.

    BG: We play trivia on a team with friends every Sunday at a local pub. Occasionally GF's brother or other friends join us. When this happens we usually split the team into two smaller teams since there are quite a few of us.

    Earlier GF's brother said he would be joining us and her cousin said he would be coming as well along with his gf and his roomate ( R )

    Now obviously we re going to be playing as 2 teams ( GF her brother her cousin his gf and R on one side and the rest of the regular team on the other)

    GF asked my which team I would rather play on saying specifically that it doesn't matter to her which side I choose.

    Since I can't stand R in any way shape or form ( she a self centered arrogant lush) I said I would play with our regular team.

    So now GF is outright pissed at me for my choice! .... WTH .... On one side I'm thinking of sucking it up and playing with her just to avoid the unpleasantness On the other, I dont want to give in and condone this high school level bullshit!!

    Were 30 years old! we should be past this crap!
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  • #2
    Take her aside, privately.

    Remind her that she specifically said that it didn't matter to her which team you chose, so you chose the team you'd prefer to play with.

    Reassure her that it's not that you don't want to play with her, it's a different person.

    Then tell her that you're not going to accept her being in a snit about it. If she wishes to ask you nicely to reconsider, and admit that it apparently does matter to her, you'll happily do so. But she needs to ask like an adult, not sulk like a teenager.

    You may want to reword the last paragraph.
    Seshat's self-help guide:
    1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
    2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
    3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
    4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

    "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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    • #3
      People and their pettiness can ruin anything fun and pleasant. I mean, even the smallest of joys, like trivia or bowling or a movie or a dinner.

      The things people choose to get upset over that are said or hold grudges against never fails to amaze me.
      You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

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      • #4
        Definitely take her aside, and tell her that you don't appreciate these kind of games. She shouldn't ask you a question if she's not going to like the answer!

        Explain that it's not her, it's someone else on her team you'd rather avoid. You're both grownups, you dont have to be at the same table!

        Which would she rather, that you lie and coddle her, or a truthful answer to a truthful question!

        Maybe she was just in a mood and no matter what you said was going to set her off? Not an excuse, but that's what I'm hoping for your sake. I'd hate this to be a sign of things to come!

        Hopefully by the time you read this, you have already kissed and made up!
        "You're perfect yes it's true, but without meeeee you're only you!"

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        • #5
          This is why I prefer the 'total honesty' method, and have often gotten into trouble for it..lol. You ask me a question, expect my honest answer. If you ask me "Do I look fat." I will tell you if you look fat. If you say "Tell me I look thin.." then I will. *laughs*. Only if you ask it in a question will I be totally honest.

          Which might explain my perpetual singleness when it comes to relationships (at least until about a year ago). Don't get me wrong, I am not rude..I won't walk up to somebody and say "Your hat looks hideous.", but feel if somebody asks a question..they are expecting an honest answer..and that I will give them.
          Engaged to the amazing Marmalady. She is my Silver Dragon, shining as bright as the sun. I her Black Dragon (though good honestly), dark as night..fierce and strong.

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          • #6
            That's what tends to get me in trouble, too, because I grew tired of mind games or people not adulting-up and speaking their mind about what was wrong or what they wanted.

            So, I'll just say what I have to say, and be deemed "rude" for it, but at least I'm not the one with the guilty conscience spending days and days pissed off at someone for not being able to read my mind or say a rehearsed line that I want to hear.
            You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

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            • #7
              Quoth blas View Post
              That's what tends to get me in trouble, too, because I grew tired of mind games or people not adulting-up and speaking their mind about what was wrong or what they wanted.

              So, I'll just say what I have to say, and be deemed "rude" for it, but at least I'm not the one with the guilty conscience spending days and days pissed off at someone for not being able to read my mind or say a rehearsed line that I want to hear.
              QFT, QFE, Quoted for being awesome. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear..tell me the truth. Lies might spare feelings now, but in the end .. if you learn it is a lie..it hurts more.
              Engaged to the amazing Marmalady. She is my Silver Dragon, shining as bright as the sun. I her Black Dragon (though good honestly), dark as night..fierce and strong.

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              • #8
                And I'm not even one to be reputable for being a jerk or even being blunt. I just don't like to coddle. I wouldn't even classify myself as rude.

                It's not that I get fed lines or lies, but I feel at times I've been expected (myself) to say something in a fluffier or happier way, and hold back what I really think or feel. And I'm just not going to. I might preface it or say it in a less harsh way, but I don't think sparing feelings is going to get a relationship ahead. Similar to the OP where he was asked a question, and a specific answer was expected, but he said the "wrong" answer. I HATE that nonsense. It's happened to me before, and I just hate loaded questions/scenarios.
                You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

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                • #9
                  I agree the loaded questions/guessing games are childish. No matter how you answer, it is the wrong answer. Usually so they can bring up some past slight (real or imagined), and make the person answering feel horrible. Which is why I won't play the game. I'll answer the truth, and if they don't like it..no skin off my teeth.
                  Engaged to the amazing Marmalady. She is my Silver Dragon, shining as bright as the sun. I her Black Dragon (though good honestly), dark as night..fierce and strong.

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                  • #10
                    And then you can go about your day/evening/whatever and know that you did what you thought was right and be pretty much worry-free, while you know on the other end, they are sitting there stewing and getting more upset as each hour passes that you aren't pleading for forgiveness or apologizing for "hurting" their feelings.

                    Well, I guess that depends. If your SO is like my brother's gf, you'll have to shut your phone off or silence it, because she will just start phone stalking, but my bf, when he goes into "toddler" mode, will just full on quit talking to me. At least the silence is appreciated.
                    You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

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                    • #11
                      *nods* Sorry for the threadjack by the way to the OP. Didn't mean to hijack the thread.
                      Engaged to the amazing Marmalady. She is my Silver Dragon, shining as bright as the sun. I her Black Dragon (though good honestly), dark as night..fierce and strong.

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                      • #12
                        My apologies as well. Mytical and I will take our back and forth elsewhere
                        You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

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