Am I being unreasonable?

[ShinyGreenApple]

Okay . . . let's try to keep this easy to follow. In my little hick town in the Bible belt of the south, there is a gay bar. Or gay-friendly bar, if you will. But they have drag shows, the staff are all gay/bisexual, you get the picture. I've gone now and then and had a really good time, namely I spent my birthday there this year and had the time of my life. One of the bartenders, there is a friend of mine, we'll call him Teddy Bear (pun completely intended!) - I met him through his brother, who is a co-worker of mine at Volde-Mart. We'll call his younger brother Biscuit. Because he's flaky. I don't think it's unusual for almost all women to fall at least once for a gay man in her lifetime, and I adore Teddy. I fell for him knowing he was gay and that I can never expect anything from him, but I still love him very dearly and being friends with him means a lot to me.

Another friend/coworker of mine is Hurley. He has recently made complete peace with the fact that he's gay and since September, has started doing amateur drag and is getting really good at it. The bar has pretty much become his second home and he spends most of his evenings there, either performing or just shooting the shit.

Since my birthday, Teddy Bear has been begging me to come back to the bar and let him make drinks for me, and to bring as many of my 'fellow slaves' with me. He got the go-ahead from the owners so that anyone who comes in on a certain night of the week and shows him their name badge from work gets discounts on beer and mixed drinks. Last week I grabbed up my bestie and we ended up staying until about 1 in the morning, even though I had to work the next day. But I had a hell of a good time and I'm happy to say I made it to work on time and functioning perfectly that morning. Today I posted the happy Wednesday, blah blah blah, come play with us at the bar because Teddy Bear asked me to promote, and Lord knows he's got me around his finger, whether he knows it or not, LOL. He adds that he's doing 2 for 1 mixed drinks for Mart employees and subtly threw out a reminder that I promised to sing karaoke for him tonight, since I refused to last week.

As I'm clocking out from work tonight I have a text from Biscuit, telling me that Teddy Bear has quit his job at the bar and that neither of them will be coming tonight. Immediately I think something is wrong and I don't think I want to go anymore. I checked with my bestie, who I was supposed to wait for and then take to the bar with me, and she is equally shocked and also no longer wants to go if Teddy won't be there. It's just not like him to flake out like that, even if something is silly or trivial, he does it, so I'm worried. I expect flakery from Biscuit, but not him. So I say 'screw it' and decide to go home instead of waiting for bestie, who no longer needs me for a ride since she's not going out after work. I scooped up a coworker from my department who needed a ride home and then stopped at the break tables outside to let Hurley know I wasn't coming, since I didn't want him to show up there and feel dumb when we never came.

. . . later tonight, I get a text from Hurley saying that he finds it 'sad that you're not going just because of one person.' Oh my god, do I have to deal with this right now, really? I don't want drama. He then kept bugging me to get bestie and come out anyways. Truth be told, yes, I no longer wanted to go after hearing my favorite bartender was gone - I was more worried about why he'd walk out on a job that, up until this point, he loved. I did speak with him later - turns out he was uncomfortable doing something extra that was asked of him, balked, the owners made him do it anyways and then talked down to him like a child, so he pretty much told them where they could stick it and told them he wouldn't be back. I don't think I want to give this establishment my business anymore if that's how they treated my friend. Who was responsible, btw, for giving the place more business on a slow night last week that it's seen in a long time because of his 'bring the mart slaves' idea.

And now Hurley is acting like I've committed some horrible social sin because I'm not going now. Maybe I'm biased? Ugh, I just don't know what to tell him. I never really went to the bar that much until Teddy Bear begged me to. Yes, I went for him. And now I'm not going, because of him not being there and why. Am I being childish or would any of you do the same?

[MaggieTheCat]

Back when I lived in Wisconsin, my best friend was a bartender at a local bar. I loved going in there when he was bartending, especially when it was slow so we could just sit and chat. But when I'd go when he wasn't working, I felt kind of uncomfortable, especially if none of the other regulars who I'd gotten to know were there.

Anyway, I don't think it's unreasonable at all to not want to go, especially if you found out the owners were making...strange requests of the bartenders. If Hurley wants to hang out so bad, maybe you guys could do something else together, like go to dinner or a movie or get a group of people you know (including Hurley and Teddy Bear) together for pool or a game night.

[Jester]

You are not being unreasonable at all. Many people who are regulars at particular bars (if not most of them) are regulars because of the staff, in one way or another. Oftentimes it is one staff member that keeps them coming back. I know in my case many of my favorite bars are my favorites because of particular staff. I go to JF to see D & M, I got to S&G to see H & N, I used to go to CM to see V (and stopped being regular there when she left), I go to S&S to watch football, yes, but over the years I have made a point of sitting at certain bartenders' bars, be it S, A, C, or whoever else made me feel at home. Hell, I go to V specifically to see P, and not simply because I've had a crush on her for years...even since she got married, I go. Hell, I still occasionally go to the Pretend Sports Bar, where I loathe the owner, who is a douchebag and not only treats his staff like crap, but often treats his CUSTOMERS like crap. Why do I go? Certainly not for sports....he's ruined that place, for me and others. No, I go to see the staff, from S to K to R to J. I've worked or been friends with them all at one place or time or another, they are the only reason their bar's douchebag owner EVER sees my money.

I won't address the reason why Teddy left....he left, they were his reasons. If he's a good bartender--and it sound like he is--he will probably land at his feet at another establishment, and he will probably make that place feel like home for you and your friends, just as he made the previous establishment feel like home for you.

As for Hurley, well, tell him what the 411 is, let him know that this doesn't mean you WON'T be coming into the bar to see him, and that this was just this one night. And if you do decide to stop giving this bar your business, let Hurley know why. Either way, if he can't accept your decision, point out that him being intolerant of how other people choose to live is, to put it frankly, rather hypocritical of him, all things considered. He needs to think about that, and then he needs to grow the fuck up. Being a drag queen does not entitle him to being a drama queen.

[Solumina]

You found out that the owners of a bar treated your friend like crap, that tends to put a damper on any fun you were planning to have, if Hurley is your friend he should understand that.

Now I don't know what that unusual request they made was so I can't say if it is an overreaction to never go to the place again but calling one night off is certainly a pretty reasonable reaction.

[ShinyGreenApple]

I forgot to mention yesterday, that this bar has been shut down once already. No one would really go into why, they just said it was 'red tape and legal issues, but the regulars (namely Teddy and Hurley) were tickled senseless when it finally opened up again. I think the reason Hurley is upset that me, Bestie, and Biscuit decided not to go is that now the bar is missing all of our business and he's afraid it'll shut down again. It really is slow on the non-drag nights. Like I said, the busiest mid-week, non-drag night it saw was last week when Teddy managed to use his persuasive skills to get a group of us out there.

As for the incident, he told me that he was getting ready to close after amateur drag night, when he got a call from one of the owners asking him to stay open late and tend a private party. He told them that this made him really uncomfortable and that he'd rather not do it. Mind, he had no notice of said party until RIGHT before it. I'm not sure when the show was over, but most nights they're open until 12 or 1. Owner told party to show up anyways, before closing, so Teddy was forced to tend for them because he can't just leave with a bunch of people in there. He was not a happy chappy. The next day he got a call from one of the other owners, whom he said scolded him, told him he's never to act like that again, and basically 'talked down to me like a child'. That's when he lost his cool and said 'Fuck you, kthxbai' and told them he wasn't coming back to work that night. The issue here, possibly, is that this little party had the potential to run really late. If he was already trying to close, it was probably close to 1am, possibly later, and in our state, it's illegal to sell alcohol between the hours of 3am and 7am, meaning he was being put at risk of getting in a lot of legal trouble if these people didn't finish their drinks and get out in two hours or less. I can understand why he'd be pissed. And that's beside the fact that he usually has to be back up at 4 in the morning to take Biscuit to work most days, as these people know.

Hurley doesn't seem to be pissy with me anymore, but he did remind me that the 2 for 1 specials are still there and asked if I was coming out tonight, I declined because I have to work tomorrow morning and it's my long week. But the whole idea still leaves a bad taste in my mouth because of my friend. I didn't go for cheap drinks or karaoke, I'll be honest. I went because of the big smile on Teddy's face when I walked in, and for the big bear hugs and kisses that he gives to everyone so freely. To sit with Bestie and Hurley at the bar across from him with a bowl of nuts between us and make all sorts of inappropriate statements about private parts. I just feel like going back now would be equivalent to spitting in his face.

[Kristev]

Teddy did the right thing then. Remaining open past the time when the law forbids selling liquor, and continuing to sell it, would have been a complete disaster had they been caught.

[houdini]

*points at Jester's post* what he said. You don't have to go if the person who made you feel comfortable isn't there, plus the bar has some dodgy business going on. Alcohol is alcohol, and I at least go to bars for the company. Stick to your guns, find another bar, and take Teddy for a drink or six.

[blas]

I had St. Panty's Day today with Baileys in my mudslide.

[Jester]

I had St. Panty's Day today with Baileys in my mudslide.

Dare I ask what St. Panty's Day is?

And by the way, Bailey's is supposed to be in a mudslide, or they aren't making it right. (Vodka, Kahlua, Bailey's, and ice cream, with a chocolate syrup swirl in the glass.)

[ShinyGreenApple]

Dare I ask what St. Panty's Day is?

And by the way, Bailey's is supposed to be in a mudslide, or they aren't making it right. (Vodka, Kahlua, Bailey's, and ice cream, with a chocolate syrup swirl in the glass.)

OMG, stop it. I can get really messed up on some chocolate liqueurs and mixed drinks. I don't care much for beer - everyone says I just haven't found the right one yet, but they're all pretty revolting to me, I think it's the smell. Teddy was passing around a cup one night for us to try that had tomato juice in it. Most repulsive stuff that's ever passed my lips, LOL.

On a positive note, Hurley is no longer harassing me about the bar and seems to have forgotten the issue altogether. I'm still not sure if I wanna go back there or not, I guess only time will tell. Maybe if Hurley is performing I'll go back to see him again. I'm not sure if Teddy and Biscuit will go anymore, there's a lot of drama with the queens and owners so I don't know how bad a grudge will be held. Regardless, he wants to take me fishing sometime soon because he says Biscuit won't go with him anymore. I've actually never been, so it'll be an adventure. (Yeah, Charlie, it'll be an ADVENTURE!!!!)

And just because it has to be said, this man's hugs are better than Xanax.