Feeling like I'm losing control.

[Crescent Cat]

Actually that's a lie. I never had control to begin with.

But in all seriousness: FUCK!

I'm going to break this down into some bullet points in an attempt to have some coherency in my flailing rant.

1. Upcoming Wedding

We've been coming along with the wedding plans. I have my dress (still need to get it altered), we have our wedding bands, I've decided on my bridal party and he on his groomsmen. We chose our date and we've more or less decided on a location. However there is still much to do.

For example, while my bridal party and flower girl all have their dresses, he and his groomsmen haven't even gone shopping. I really have no idea what he's waiting for. The wedding isn't until October but seeing as we're going for a steampunk theme I'd like to leave enough time for alterations and decorations to be made. He knows what he wants but he hasn't gotten any official measurements.

I'm also trying to get us to have an official headcount so we can book our resort. I have my guest list but I need to know how many people from a specific family we can expect and other such things on his end. I just want to book our place ASAP so that I don't have to worry about it. Upon saying this my oh-so-helpful brother in law (to be) said "Oh you'll still have to worrry. There's doublebooking and bla bla bla".

I don't care. If there's doublebooking or whatever we'll deal with it when the time comes. I also don't care if I don't have to worry about another wedding party wanting to also schedule Halloween for their ceremony. I am only concerned with the things I have control over. Can we please just get a fucking head count so we can book the resort? If there's a scheduling issue we'll deal with it later - assuming it even happens. I just don't want to lose the date because we waited too long to book it. That will piss me off.

2. Financial woes

I make a miserable $9/hr. Apparently I make "too much" money to get a refund this year. Last year I got a $500 refund that I couldn't even put to use because it all went to repairing my car. This year I owe $500 that I don't even have. The only reason I got a refund the year before was because I had been going to school 2009 - 2010.

Turns out my adjustments and exemptions are screwed up too. Being illiterate in the way of tax forms I had accidentally set my withholding to single and 3 instead of single and 1. Looking back on it I see my mistake but honestly, how the hell are you supposed to know? I was following the directions on the W4. I never had an issue with owing a ridiculous amount before. Sure I owed on my state (not $500 dollars - usually 100 or 200) but I always got a return on my federal.

Apparently my $9/hr job is giving me too much of a taste of the high life and the man needs to put me back in my place before I start thinking I'm hot shit.

3. I just wanna be healthy

I want to eat better. I actually like salads and eating vegetables. I love the taste of healthful foods. So what's the problem?

I can't cook to save my life.

That's not entirely true. I could cook if I had the patience for it. I'd love to have a warm and healthful meal every night, but when I come home from work I'm just too tired to spend an hour prepping and cooking. I could make a salad except . . . while I love salads I hate the ones that I make.

I . . can't make a salad. How could I possibly mess that up?

Step one: Take veggies
Step two: Place in bowl
Step three: ???
Step four: Profit!

Yet when I eat a salad I make it's tolerable at best. I . .uh . . . I . . . *shrug* . . I'll just go to Subway.

4. I don't even know anymore

At this point I feel like I'm not even getting to the point that's really causing me stress. I either don't know what it is or I don't think I'm getting my point across in what I have covered. I think that's the most frustrating thing. Something is bothering me but I can't address it because I'm not exactly sure what it is.

Maybe it's all these little things added up.

Maybe I'm depressed or have an anxiety disorder.

I'll call my doctor next week. Seems like a good place to start but then the money issue comes back into play. Copay plus possible treatments - I feel like I'm gonna be sick forever.

[AnaKhouri]

I can't help you much on the other points but to offer sympathy, but I can tell you anyone can cook. ANYONE. I understand being tired after working all day.

This is what a cool appliance called a slow cooker is for. It cooks your food for you so you have a hot meal when you get home (and if you eat meat, it tenderizes it over the course of 8-10 hours until it literally falls apart. YUM). All you have to do is chop some stuff and throw it in the cooker.

There are a million slow cooker cookbooks out there, some geared specifically toward healthy eating, so check out the library.

Seriously, a slow cooker has saved my ass more times than I can count.

[crazyofficeclerk]

Look into filing single and zero. That way they take more out to begin with but you should get money back. At my old job, I filed single and 1 and owed money. My tax person told me to have them change my status to single and zero. Worked like a charm.

[Slayer]

I don't know much about taxes, since the green box does mine, but you should be able to submit an amended return with the proper data. That's definitely an option here.

And I agree about the slow cooker! Just shove things in there and it does the work for you.

For salads, I buy the boxes from Costco. Yes, it's a bit more expensive, but the convienence is more than worth it for me. Grab a handful, throw it in a bowl. I'll cut up celery, peppers, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, etc if I have the time. Otherwise, I open a can of tuna or cut up leftover meat and put that in. Oil & vinegar & spices and I'm done.

Sausage, chicken, even steak (broil) I'll put in the oven so I have less work and less clean up (and no oil). I cook extra so leftovers go in my salads. That's usually done while I do something else (shower, laundry, whatever). If you don't eat meat, ignore that part.

And all those things you mentioned can definitely add up and lay some serious stress and worry on you. For your wedding, put your foot down. Let them know they have until whenever to reply or that's it. There won't be room after, too bad. Ignore BIL >:| He should never say things like that. Figure out what's needed to amend your taxes.

It's definitely hectic for you now. For me, even just one detail solved already makes me less likely to bash a random head in.

I wish you all the luck! My tax girl totally saved me (went from owing to an awesome refund). Such a load off when she told me the good news. I hope the same will be true for you.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I can't help you with the money, but I can help you with the cooking.

First off, what are you making your salads out of?

There are plenty of good meals you can make that don't take forever to cook. What sorts of foods do you like to eat aside from salads?

[MaggieTheCat]

Regarding taxes, a friend of ours who was an accountant and a banker taught us that it's actually better to owe money than be owed money. If you pay so much into taxes throughout the year that the government owes you a refund, it means that they held on to that money for a year and were making interest on it, whereas if you had it, you could have been making interest on it yourself. I know, interest rates are far from great, but it's better that the money stay in your hands for as long as possible rather than the other way around.

Here is a good analogy for it: Say you lose $20. A year later, you find $20 in between the cushions of your couch. You think, awesome! I'm $20 richer! When in reality, you didn't make $20, you just recovered $20 that you had lost and forgotten about.

Of course, if you go this way, you have to be able to budget to pay all/most of your taxes all at once. A lot of people can't or don't know how to do this, so they just have the government withold however much they think is going to be accurate from each paycheck.

Regarding cooking, there have been some good examples thrown out already. I will also highly recommend a slow cooker; you can make roasts, soups/stews, curries, all sorts of things in them. Here is a fun website with lots of slow cooker recipes: http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/

[Seshat]

The trick with salad is two part.

First is the mix of veggies. Some vegetables, while you may well like them individually, don't get on well with other veggies you like.

Second is dressing. The right dressing brings out the flavour of the vegetables without drenching them.

Half a teaspoon of olive oil can make a big difference, and is actually VERY good for you (full of essential fatty acids - stuff your brain uses to make neurochemicals. Like, say, endorphins - happy-juice.)

Vinegar can also bring out flavours in salads. Go lightly on it until you know how much you like, and experiment with different types of vinegar. Vinegar (pure vinegar) is low- to no-calorie.

Adding herbs, spices, salt and pepper also makes a difference.

Go very lightly on dressings like mayonnaise, bleu cheese, oils other than olive oil, sour cream, and even yoghurt. All of those add calories, and in some cases a surprising amount.
(Yes, olive oil adds calories too; but any of the essential-fatty-acid 'good' oils is a net bonus, if you have a teaspoonful or less per day.)

[ArcticChicken]

A slow cooker is a gift from the gods. Toss some stuff in when you get up, come home to tasty food.

My personal slow cooker go to meal is bbq chicken. Toss in some chicken breasts (or whatever bits you like), cover with your favorite bbq sauce, ignore until hungry. I usually the shred it and put it on a roll with cheddar cheese and coleslaw.

You can make a huge batch of whatever in the cooker, portion it out and freeze it. If you make a few different things like that, you won't get sick of them before you're done.

There are other things you can make ahead, too. Cut chicken breast into long strips and marinate it in something. I'm fond of italian dressing or a mix of olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and garlic.

Then either cook them in a frying pan with a little bit of oil (most marinades have oil in them, so you only need enough to keep the chicken from sticking to the pan too much) or bake them.

They're good hot, but they're also delicious cold on a salad or in a sandwich (with caramelized onion and goat cheese).

[Jester]

Wedding: BREATHE! Seriously, force yourself to relax a little bit, or you will drive yourself nuts. "But Jester, you've never been married." No, I haven't. I did, however, DJ weddings for several years, and have seen every variety of bride you can imagine. The ones that were happiest were the ones who were relaxed and didn't stress every little detail. Part of this is learning to just relax (as you said, you CAN'T control everything), and another part which I'm not sure you've done is find someone to help you with various tasks. For example, for my best friend's wedding, they put me in charge of the DJ and the limo, as one I knew quite a bit about, and the other wasn't that tough....and that was two less things they had to worry about.

Taxes: I am tax illiterate and have an accountant. Can't help you there.

General feeling of AAAAH! Probably related to stress, and your inability to relax. See above.

Cooking: Slow cookers are great, as people have said. Just a bit of prep in the morning before work, and your meal is ready for you when you get home.

Now, you said you wanted to eat healthier. "Healthy" is a relative term and varies from person to person. In what ways are you trying to eat healthier? In other words, what are you trying to get away from, and what are you trying to work towards.

When it comes to salads, I am a salad FIEND, and make tons of different salads for myself. If you like Subway salads but not your own, clearly the problem is you are getting the wrong ingredients. I strongly suggest you sitting down and figuring out what you like in salads and what you don't. If you need some suggestions, this is an area I have spent a lot of time dealing with, as I love love LOVE salads.

If you have any questions (other than taxes!), feel free to ask me here or via a PM.

[telecom_goddess]

Regarding cooking, there have been some good examples thrown out already. I will also highly recommend a slow cooker; you can make roasts, soups/stews, curries, all sorts of things in them. Here is a fun website with lots of slow cooker recipes: http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/

I follow that blog!! It's a good one. I have an awesome crockpot that I use constantly. You can do something simple like throw ribs in there or chicken with bbq sauce. A whole chicken with onions and vegetables and some broth, some salt and seasoning. You have chicken the first day and soup for days after. The soup ends up making itself.

I too don't like to cook a bunch of crap when I get home from work.

[Andara Bledin]

Tax withholding: quick and dirty for simple returns - if you're single, then you usually claim 1. Higher than that, and you will almost guaranteedly owe unless you have mitigating factors (such as school). Married with 2 incomes bumps you up a bit and depending on your situation you will either want to both be at 1 or the higher at 1 and the lower at 0. This is how I've been doing it for 20 years, and I usually get a modest refund each year.

Food: Rice steamers, slow cookers, etc are your friends. You can do some wonderful things with steamed white rice that take very little effort, time, and just a little creativity. Same with a slow cooker. Prep your food in the morning, let the cooker do it's thing all day, and come home to a ready meal.

As for the statement that "anyone can cook," while that may be strictly true, not everyone can cook something you'd want to actually eat. >_<

As for the last: You've got too many irons in the fire and you're spread too thin. I get like this at times, and my natural reaction is to ignore it all, which is a lousy solution (and in my case, can get expensive).

The way I get past this is to itemize what's on my plate. I make a list of everything and then prioritize it based on immediacy, how much it actually needs my involvement, and whether I have the resources to deal with it. I pick off what I can deal with and cross off the list (there's nothing like crossing something off a to-do list to boost the mood) and then make arrangements for what needs to be done but can't be dealt with right then. Even making a plan will help combat the feeling of being out of control; I can't deal with that item right now, but I know what it will take and what I need to do.

Finally, I need to be ready to identify the things that I cannot work on at all, make note of what they will effect (and any preparations I might need should they not get done), and then cross them off the list. This is the hard one, and the one that will be the most helpful. A lot of time and energy is spent on worrying about things we just can't do anything about.

As an example, you can't move forward with the reservations until you have a head count, which you cannot get on your own. You've recognized that you cannot complete this task, so you need to move on to triage. In this case, I would suggest getting the quotes on a range of attendees, make a tentative reservation for the higher number with full disclosure that it might be the lower number. Even if you don't actually get anything set in stone, you will have more information immediately in hand, and will be ready to finalize the situation once you have the information you're currently missing.

^-.-^

[ArcticChicken]

Bonus for the rice thingy, at least the one I have- oatmeal. The night before measure out your oatmeal and any additives (fruit, etc.) put the fruit and enough water for the oatmeal in the cooker, put the oatmeal itself in a measuring cup or bowl next to it. First thing in the morning, add the oatmeal and turn the cooker on, do the rest of your morning routine, and - voila! hot breakfast when you're done.