More Relationship Crap

[customersruinmylife]

Just need to post an update on this, as I haven't for a while.

She finally contacted me last weekend. I mentioned that I was going away for the weekend in my first post, and she called at around 11pm while I was in the middle of a drunken night out. I didn't actually let her get a word in. I simply told her that it really wasn't a good time to talk, as I was a little drunk and I only wanted to talk to her while I was sober and had a clear head.

She called the next day, and all she could really do was apologise and continually ask me if we were OK. However I still haven't got a clear explanation. We are still together at this point but things are shakey to say the least. I'm not feeling very trusting at the minute.

[georgie]

Im not surprised youre not feeling very trusting at the moment. if she's acting this silly so early in a relationship with you it doesnt bode well for the future

[Etna]

The last relationship I was in had that awkward coldness from talking every day as well. It's pretty safe to assume that she is playing games with something she doesn't want to tell you but doesn't like you doing. For me it was they didn't like how I acted around my friends of 15+ years while I had only been with my significant other for 6 months. Pretty legit right? And we aren't talking how I acted to my so with them around, we are talking how I acted with my friends.

Personally I would put her on the spot and make her cut the games as it doesn't help anyone to keep it up. Just going to make one/both of you distrusting and angry. Which in the case of you is completely understandable.

[customersruinmylife]

I need to post an update on this and see what you guys think. I can't be bothered to start a new thread.

The exact same has happened again. I haven't heard a word from her in two weeks. And I don't know why.

Over the past month, I've known that she has been frosty towards me. The one word answers returned, not replying, not picking up. A lot of cancellations on dates, some of them while I was actually waiting for her. Also, she didn't give a shit that I was assaulted. No offer to come see me. No "Are you OK?". No comfort. No kind words. Nothing.

I called her two weeks ago to say goodnight, and although she picked up, she didn't reply to anything I was saying besides "Mmmhmm." I hung up and decided at that point she could come to me. I wasn't doing the chasing anymore.

No word. Nothing. For two weeks.

I have decided that it is the end of the relationship, however I am still feeling far too stubborn to make the call and give her the benefit of thinking she is the victim. It's all so immature and pathetic (on both our parts I will admit, due to me being so stubborn)

I do have one question however. Tomorrow is her birthday. What do I do? Do I call? Or do I ignore?

[Aislin]

Quite frankly unless she is an important part of your social group and you will have to see her all the time I don't think you owe her anything. If a friend of mine was assaulted I would go out of my way to check up on them. She is just one of those women who likes drama and so she creates it in her life by acting this way. Yes, it's her birthday but she isn't your girlfriend. It's like quitting a job by not showing up anymore. She doesn't want to be the bad guy and just end your relationship. You put in the effort before. You tried. And you don't deserve to be treated like this so stop allowing her to be a manipulative person.

[georgie]

sorry. i cant see where you're being immature. i'd consider yourself single especially since she couldnt even be bothered to see if you were ok after that awful assault.

she doesnt want to actually date you but doesnt want to be the awful one who does the breaking up and be the bad guy so she's making you do it all.

if i was in your position i'd consider myself single, never contact her again and date someone decent.


is she kicks up a stink about it (especially in public) then say in a calm but perplexed way that "you thought she'd finished it when she didnt even see if you were hurt after the assault"


no decent, mature girlfriend ever acts like that

[Lurking Sockpuppet]

Do nothing. It is over.

[the_std]

I wouldn't bother. Seriously, if she didn't say ANYTHING about you being physically fucking assaulted, her birthday is of absolutely no consequence.

[AccountingDrone]

Ignore her and start to rebuild your life without her around. She obviously doesn't want to be involved with you and is too chicken to tell you.

Exactly what everybody else is saying.

It takes 2 people to make a relationship [well, more if you are poly ...] and she is obviously not interested in trying to maintain a relationship.

[PhiSigGirl1988]

Agreed with the above. A good girlfriend would've cared to check up on you after your assault, and a good girlfriend would, you know, make an effort to actually act like a girlfriend. Making no contact for weeks? That's not a relationship.

Keep us posted.

[Jester]

Over the past month, I've known that she has been frosty towards me. The one word answers returned, not replying, not picking up. A lot of cancellations on dates, some of them while I was actually waiting for her. Also, she didn't give a shit that I was assaulted. No offer to come see me. No "Are you OK?". No comfort. No kind words. Nothing.

Fuck her. The relationship is not simply over, it is dead and buried. Move on. Clearly she has.

I do have one question however. Tomorrow is her birthday. What do I do? Do I call? Or do I ignore?[/QUOTE]

I repeat: fuck her. The relationship is not simply over, it is dead and buried. Move on. Clearly she has.

"But, why?"

Who knows? Stop worrying about it, or it will eat you up inside. I speak from experience. To this day, nine years after the fact, I haven't the vaguest clue why my fiance broke it off with me. And it drove me nuts for the longest time. Still eats at me to a degree. Be smarter than I was, and move the fuck on.

Put this worthless bitch in your rearview mirror and don't look back. It's clear she doesn't give a flying fuck about you. So stop giving a shit about her, about what she thinks, and about why things went down the way they did. Stop asking why. Just move the fuck on.

And as for her birthday, let me make things very clear: if you bother to contact this inconsiderate and thoughtless scumsucker tomorrow, I will make a point of coming to your house and punching you square in the nose.

Can I make myself any clearer?

[42_42_42]

CRML, you are worth so much more than this shit. This little careless nitwit is not worth your time. Move on and find someone who is deserving of you. And under no circumstances contact her for her birthday or anything else!

[customersruinmylife]

Thanks for the advice guys. I was already aware that the relationship was at an end. It was just the birthday thing that I was questioning.

I just get a feeling that this a ploy to make me the bad guy. I will be bad because as her boyfriend I didn't wish her a happy birthday.

It dawned on me over the weekend that I should start classing myself as single. However I know that if I was to meet someone (I won't, I plan on being single for a whiiiiile now) I would be accused of cheating or something. Like I said, I have a feeling that she wants to be a victim and for me to be the asshole at the end of it.

[NorthernZel]

As I see it, you're in a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation.´

Perhaps, maybe a short " happy bday, plz call me tomorrow cuz I'm busy right now" text at the day and THEN let her have it (either when she calls back or you just text her a couple of days later after no replies)? Cuz then she can't blame you for a) not wishing her a happy birthday, or b) breaking up with her on her speshiul day.

[Jester]

I just get a feeling that this a ploy to make me the bad guy. I will be bad because as her boyfriend I didn't wish her a happy birthday.

It dawned on me over the weekend that I should start classing myself as single. However I know that if I was to meet someone (I won't, I plan on being single for a whiiiiile now) I would be accused of cheating or something. Like I said, I have a feeling that she wants to be a victim and for me to be the asshole at the end of it.

I have a question about this. Which is: so fucking what?

So she makes you the bad guy with her friends. Who cares? She's going to do that anyway, if she hasn't already. She couldn't be bothered to check on you after you were violently assaulted. You owe her nothing: not a goodbye, not a birthday wish, not a text, not a call, NADA. Zero, zip, zilch. The gum on the bottom of your shoe deserves more of your attention than she does.

As for her accusing you of cheating...again, so what? As far as you are concerned, the relationship is over, right? Well, if it's over and you go and bang some other chick, how is that cheating? You can't cheat if you are not in a relationship. And by your own words, you are no longer in a relationship.

Don't give what she may or may not do, nor how she will paint you after the fact, even a fraction of your thought. You have far better things you can do with your time.

To put it a nutshell: fuck this bitch, fuck what she thinks, and fuck what she says.

Any questions?