how can i get the worry voice to stop?

[Midnight12]

when i say voice i mean me, the part of me that grew up worrying and is now the part of me that fears bad things will happen cause the signs point to it. when most of the time the "signs" are vague at best. (ie attempting to have a logical sane thought process and a result happens that has so many variables to give an end result that its best not to try to figure it out, well the worry does)

best example i can give is from the last 48 hours
sunday night/monday morning was spent in the ER as daughter had a temp of 103 point something

ended up giving her liquid children's tylenol and a penicillin shot. poor thing, her behind is still sore.
the entire day she had a sporadic fever and i kept saying its ok you know what to do, go do it. and i would, yet the nagging voice of worry kept coming in and going but she is so hot and so quiet and this and that and every calm logical thing i threw at it there was always a but, but but for it....

she is FINE, all that the dr advised may happen is happening and here comes the worry voice again and i just want it to shut up long enough for me to be able to breathe.
and its not just with my kid either its with EVERYTHING. its the main reason of my social anxiety and alot of why i stay inside because i worry too damn much

[AnaKhouri]

My husband has this problem. Luckily for him, he has an extremely time-consuming, detailed, competitive job that keeps his worry focused on one thing so he has no energy to worry about other stuff most of the time. I prefer to see his worry focused in the lab and not everything else; he was off a month between grad school and the postdoc and I swear to God I wanted to kill him but I felt so sorry for him too. Sometimes he still has freakouts where he just gets incredibly anxious about something or other; I just try to wait it out and it usually ebbs on its own after a week or so. In his case it is genetic as his dad and grandpa are champion worriers and it is said that his great-grandfather retired and with nothing else on his mind, worried himself to death.

All that said, focusing his anxiety on one thing seems to keep it in one area so it doesn't spill over into our shared life. He is going to worry no matter what, so for now this works for us. If I remember correctly though you are a stay-at-home mom so you don't really have a place outside the house to focus your worry.

Do you meditate? My mom was recently diagnosed with anxiety and she has found some meditation techniques that do wonders for her. As for myself, I am not much of a worrier but every once in a while I latch onto something like a terrier onto a rat and just shake it to death; in these times I find it useful to recite the Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear from Frank Herbert's novel "Dune" (yes, yes, I know- geek city). You can easily find it online. It helps me to realize that fear is intangible but I am not, so fear is the weaker of us two and can be banished with some willpower, and that by facing and conquering my fear I can allow it to make me stronger.

I don't know, these examples are kind of weird and certainly won't work for everyone so I don't know if all this has been any help at all.

[Midnight12]

I HAD things to focus on
scrapbooking, that got taken away. (not enough funds, the only two locally owned shops that held cropping classes which are classes to come scrapbook with others as a group shut down.
i tried taking pics of daughter alot...lost time to do that
tried crafting, that kind of failed and now resources are low for that

the best i can do is put attention to facebook, OR video games and i don't get much allotted time for that as of recent. mostly because i try to be on top of chores or just stay busy... WE DID get a kiddie pool so that was going to take some of the worry off, then daughter got sick. she is doing ok now just in recover stage from the huge penicillin shot. (I HATE NEEDLES!!!)
yes i am a stay at home mom. i have tried meditating on my own, i believe i NEED someone here that can help teach me to do it. yes i know listen to music that has no words and is soothing. if i have such a hard time getting my mind to slow down let alone stop for a minute i doubt i can meditate

i remember the Litany, but did not know it was from Dune. I CONTROL THE SPICE! lol
need to get the movie and watch it again. i remember there was a series from it once....long long ago
i think i lost my focus

[Food Lady]

Prayer is the only thing that really helps me. And I can be very persistent in that.

[KiaKat]

Take 20 minutes in the morning and do some yoga. You can do it from home, by looking up videos online, and it'll have the dual effect of burning off some of the anxiety, and calming your brain (and hormones) down.

What's happening is that your body is overproducing certain neurotransmitters, which produces massive amounts of stress hormones all the time. It's a bit of a malfunction in the "fight-or-flight" region of the brain. Because you don't actually have something to fight or flee from, you're substituting worry and anxiety. Exercise helps, so does keeping lists of things to do. I find that having a calendar with a daily to-do list helps a ton.

Personally, I find trail running to be a great way of managing my anxiety. I go out into the woods, run for an hour, then come home and take a great shower. By the time I'm done, all the irrelevant anxiety is gone, and I have the focus I need to get through the day. The quiet of the woods, as well as the beauty of the scenery, helps keep me in a semi-meditative state.

I still have my moments of anxiety, and it's still there as a low-level niggling tic, but my first instinct these days isn't "ZOMGPANIC" it's "figure it out and then if it can't be figured out, work out something else."

[Pixilated]

Midnight, I feel for you. I had a minor freakout last month, contemplating the move to My Hometown and all it entailed, and school, and my distant future, etc., etc., etc. I felt nearly paralyzed with fear.

Now, when the little voices start predicting chaos and catastrophe, I shout (mentally, of course, LOL), "STOP!!" Then I force myself to take a long look at what I'm panicking over and what is really going on -- am I making progress? What still needs to be done? Is there a deadline for anything?

I'm also finding that making lists helps a LOT.

I am definitely somewhat stressed over my work situation -- haven't been paid since February and am getting no concrete answers as to when I will be paid. I've already handed in my resignation and I can see them looking at that as an excuse to just brush the whole thing under the rug. I'm looking into what my options are but I have had to already resign myself to the possibility that I may end up kissing $700+ goodbye. Because I am limited in what I can do to get this money, I have set the issue aside. I will do what I can about it and that's all I can do. It wasn't easy, but it's now one less thing on my worry list.

I want to take up Tai Chi when I get to My Hometown as something to focus on, but there may be instructional videos online if you are interested in that. All the other suggestions here -- prayer, meditation, exercise, the Litany -- are good too. Try those, and whatever else you can think of, until you find what works best for you.

[Midnight12]

has a yoga matt and supplies and beginners cd and i made the mistake of putting it up i still have them, scattered about the house now i have to find them

it doesn't help that I am waiting for husband to finish his portfolio for huge art school to determine if he will be accepted and if so we move. if not then i will be finding another place to go. this house is a toxic pit of emotions and fast becoming unsafe for living.
and waking up every day to this fact that i may have to move and that its one more day in this sick place is not fun. it ads to the daily stress with no guarantee that I got rid of yesterdays

[Gizmo]

The only way I cope is by trying to "pre-prepare" as much as possible in order to cope IF the worst happens.

*hugs* Midnight. I wish I had something better to say.

[Pixilated]

That is an awesome series, patiokitty! Doesn't he finally have a fifth book out? I've read the first four but they are packed away in my storage unit, so won't be seeing them again for a while.

Gizmo has another great suggestion... although I've been known to go overboard on "pre-preparing" and find myself panicking over "what-ifs" that are at least two years down the road. Everything is good in moderation ...

Midnight, it sounds as if you feel between a rock and a hard place right now. I hope the situation improves soon.

[Der Cute]

Hey! The gerbil in your brain is on crack! Wooo..not.
Cut down on caffeine.
List the crap in your head, you are acknowledging it exists but telling it to gtfo
Sing!
If I get squirrely when I'm driving, I start counting car colors. I say, how many blues are out today. And just that.
Watch a movie.
Exercise somehow. If you're stuck in the house, put some music on and dance around to it, silly.
use the Wii to dance/move.
Bake? Cook big batches and portion them out - get busy
Count to 100 in 4's.
You are consciously taking your brain away from the inane irrational thoughts and telling it - go do THAT not THOSE.
If you're going to move/thinking about it, why not dig thru the kid's clothes and find out what's to donate?

[Midnight12]

Der Cute
i thought of that in advance, slowly cut out soda, and i rarely drink coffee anyways
the most i do is water and some juice during the day. no sugar after a certain time before bed.
and thank you for the advice

the sad realization is this, after all we have been through, he is part of the reason why i am crazy....crazier. i don't think its ok to be married and only one of the two is going crazy while the other is oblivious even AFTER being pointed out to stop because its pushing the other to crazy... yeah...its time for me to go and i don't want to. but i don't want to end up losing my mind
and before you jump my case i promise i tried everything i could think of to make it work and if i am the only one trying its not fair

[Der Cute]

No, it's not fair. Next, are you truly sure he's not put in effort? My example: my ex boyfriend and I were together. He drove me nuts- he wouldn't pick up after himself, would leave cabinets open, didn't pay attention to how much of X he used or how to do it (what ever it was). Drove me NUTS. So I was unhappy. I didn't notice that he was the rock for all 3 of us, he took more care of me than I realized, and that he really man'd up when I got sick (mental sick).
So, looking back, I can see that he was more than I thought.

That may not be the case with you. I'm sure you've thought of this, I hope at least. I agree it's not ok to be married and one doing the stuff you've already pointed out! (I told John to pick up dammit, bring the god damn coffee cups to the sink, throw the barf rags in the hamper, I can't do it all.) He didn't. I told him many times. He didn't. A small reason but one that drove me (didn't help the anxiety I have).

So, pros vs cons time for you. Another thing I've done when making a big decision like this is to ask myself at different times of the day, different emotion settings - to make sure I'm not lying or using rationale to get out; to really see what I want. (yah sounds silly but it worked for me).

It's up to you; pros and cons, again. Counseling possibly? Short term and long term consequences...and then , sometimes you just have to cross your fingers and jump.

[Midnight12]

he has put in effort he works his butt off for me and daughter....
please let me clarify some things. there is no divorce here, that is not an option ever. When we were married i took the vows quite seriously and no piece of paper can truly separate us.
(TL;DR at the bottom as well as response)
HOWEVER an actual separation would benefit us. As in i live with a friend for a week or so and figure it out there before returning home. I honestly believe its this house and my proof is this:
normally if i have to go spend a week somewhere else be it vacation or what not it stresses me because i have to pack stuff and keep track of it. more so for daughter. when we went to spend time with relatives that normally drive me crazy i looked forward to it, and was quite relaxed the entire time. not normally me. and yes i was regular with my medicine. this house holds a massive amount of stagnant toxicity as in mold in the walls, falling apart and many many bad memories left. Its difficult to explain without getting into the otherworldly.

In response i did the whole pros and cons on paper thing, the pros far out weight the cons and i will not divorce just want time away to get my head clear and figure this out.
i am well aware he stays at a bad job for us and i try hard to remember it. going to a friend for third party/mediator counseling for help. i still believe alot of it is this house and just waking up in it is like a big disappointment. wake up ready for a new day and open my eyes to the same nastiness instead of the house i worked so hard to clean and trust me no amount of bleach is going to fix it. those boys left it to pot for 20 plus years its beyond salvageable


- mold in the bathroom, on the walls in the walls throughout the house
- infestation of bugs only thank god, it used to be mice and rats we still have to spray monthly they won't stop
- cracking floors, caving floors as in falling apart, to the point its coming undone so badly that old nails are being pushed up through the breaking wood
- eroded bathtub due to a well dry up and sand blasting away at the porcelain
- well water. it doesn't bother me so much but when it gets too dry or rains alot the water stinks badly and there is always minerals and dirt in it to the point we need a super strong filter for drinking water. and cannot flush toilet paper due to an old septic system. and i mean old. when it rains long enough and floods the yard slightly we cannot flush or run the dishwasher or washer. or it floods the place. sorry i am used to being able to flush my paper not have to throw it away and clean the damn paper trash can daily. eew
- because this house was built before the city line was made official we are not and cannot be hooked up to city water which is bs. and if we did it would cost US thousands
- one room where there are holes in the floor to the point its like playing landmines don't step in or you WILL fall in. as its the one room with old carpet its invisible land mines and memory. I've stepped in the hole and accidentally tore the carpet
- due to the age of the house and when it was built it is not electric modern. ie if i want to use the computer, tv and dishwasher i cannot. i have to turn the tv and computer off to run the dishwasher or it trips a breaker and its happened enough times its damaged the old comp hard drive and eventually fried it.
- the wiring is so bad that when we got one of the reliable brands of surge protectors that tells you if your wiring is bad thus making it pointless it did just that. so that even IF we could use it, the surge protector won't do anything to save charge because of the bad wiring.
- the bad wiring is so much that it would require tearing down the walls to replace all of it and that means EVERYWHERE IN THE HOUSE and that again costs thousands, like 20k
- on top of all of this its down to the foundation, to the point if we want to make any structural or any home repairs it would cost more than demolishing and starting all over from foundation up. with attic....yeah this is how bad it is and I HAVE actual quotes from an electrician, and builder the 20k is rounded down from the first figure....yeah....

i love this area, but want out of this house and dread having to move across state again....thank you for letting me get this out sorry

[MoonCat]

Midnight, that mold could be causing some of your anxiety! I hate to give you one more thing to worry about but maybe you've already thought of this. I mean you're breathing that stuff in, I know it's expensive to fix this stuff, but seriously I think you're right...getting out of there is the best idea. If you can relax while you're somewhere else, I think the house is part of the problem. And bad wiring? I'm worried about you. Whatever you need to do to get out of there, look into doing it.

[Midnight12]

thats why i am upset because we WERE working on moving out and husband blew it today. totally blew it. there is chance again but i wanted out asap....i am fully disappointed him more than he knows....thats why i wanted this separation because he just doesn't get it
i mean his step grandmother had an electrical fire last night due to bad wiring. how more dumb can one get to NOT get a clue from that?

i'm surprised i am still here and not completely insane....i just...