I need some help & advice for my sister :(

[Lachrymose]

Oh, what a tangled web they weave...

[Zellie Crescent]

My sister was at the register counter taking care of a customer while her friend was folding clothes to put on the shelves, apparently he said he was single. I decided I would voice my opinion that she's a bad role model for Lauren and that scared her so I kept going and I told her that she needs to seriously cut the shit, I asked her what if it was Lauren in 20 years doing this shit and thinks it's ok because mommy did it. She told me she'd kick her ass, I told her that's how I feel about you right now. I also told her there have been a couple of times that I thought about adopting Lauren, those times were strictly work schedule related, I told her that this was the first time that I thought she should not be lauren's mother that I should. She just stoped talking went downstairs to eat and left a note for mom that she went running, when she got home she took a shower then locked herself in her room until a little while ago she said she had to go talk to her friend Anna.

[csquared]

Sounds like the arrow hit the mark. Maybe it will sink in.

When your sister gets back, give her a big hug and let her know you love her.

[Pixilated]

Yes, do your best to "be there" for her, but really ... what did she expect? This guy has no qualms about cheating on his fiancee; why did your sis think she was any more special? (I know, I know -- it's an old story ...)

[MoonCat]

Tell her this: "Sis, if you get this guy, what have you got? A guy who cheats on his fiancee."

[Zellie Crescent]

My sister wants to be a teacher and shitbag and fiance are both just that. He's also signed up for the army as well as a volunteer firefighter, and he has a lot of friends that could help her out with college or make her life hell if she cuts him off completely which is exactly what I want her to do. I've been telling her since day 1 he was bad news.

[Pixilated]

Not sure what you mean by "make her life hell if she cuts him off completely"? If this involves any kind of harassment, there are legal options for that.

Also not sure what you mean when you say this guy's friends could "help her with college." Are they going to pay her tuition, or do her assignments? Regardless, whatever level of help they can offer, she needs to consider the price of that "help."

[Zellie Crescent]

Apparently they could talk to some people so she could get in and if she cuts him off completely like she damn well should they would probably talk to the same people to make sure she doesn't, and yeah they would harass her and being the shitbag and his friends apparently all think the same they would blame her. I really wish my sister would think the same way as me, she's not the brightest crayon in the box when it comes to guys but you think after so very many trainwrecks she would at least try to listen to me. Her system of learning from her mistakes is turning out really shitty, I don't know what it is about her she seems to attract these guys like flies to honey, they just seem to swarm to her.

[Pixilated]

Sarah, obviously I don't know any of these people ... but I'd be extremely skeptical of people who claim to have that much power. Are we talking the college/university president and his friends? Or can these people even find the college/university without a detailed map? If your sister has the required pre-requisites, I think I'd be rolling my eyes at their B-movie wiseguy impressions. If she bows to their pressure on this, it will never end.

As for any harassment, they might all think it's OK but I'll bet the local law wouldn't.

Still, it's your sister's decision to make. You can talk to her all you like -- perhaps she will come to listen to you at some point, but you can't force her to do the sensible thing. Unfortunately, she may have to learn the hard way.

You say she "attracts" guys like this ... but it sounds to me as if it's as much a case that she doesn't reject them. Does she think she can change them somehow? Does she like the challenge of the 'bad boys'? Until she figures this out, she's not likely to change.

I'm sorry ... you are obviously a caring and concerned sister, but you can't "fix" whatever's wrong with your sister's skewed view of things. The best thing you can do is step back a little -- be there for her if you can, but try not to get too involved with her life. You will just end up seriously stressed and frustrated.

[PepperElf]

So... Shitbag is a teacher and has insinuated that Sister will never get a job unless she puts up with him hitting (or fucking) her?


Perhaps your sister is looking at this the wrong way.



as for attracting people... that depends. I have a friend like that - she can't seem to help but attract drama. But since she never causes it herself she feels it's not her fault. And in a way maybe it's not... but how she responds to the drama often attracts more.

That's perhaps something to consider. Yes we all attract things we don't always like. But how we respond to it - and how much we let it into our lives - can result in ... nipping it in the bud, or allowing it to flourish.

[Jester]

Apparently they could talk to some people so she could get in and if she cuts him off completely like she damn well should they would probably talk to the same people to make sure she doesn't...

Let's assume for the sake of argument that Shitbag's friends do have this kind of power.

Does anyone with a brain REALLY think that Shitbag will actually lift a finger with these friends to help your sister out once he's actually fucked her? Or will he just have his fun, move on, and say "fuck her"?

I know which one my money's on. Because this just sounds like a carrot he's dangling, but he sounds like a scumbag that I don't see him actually bothering to follow through.

[Zellie Crescent]

Me and her talked about this again this morning and fiance is a teacher shitbag isn't a teacher quite yet apparently, and one of their dads is supposedly friends with one of the admissions people. Back when Jamie and shitbag were in highschool they were friends then he left for some years now he's back and pulling this shit, I told her again to tell fiance but she said "no he's still my friend and it could ruin his life" I told her that I wouldn't want a friend that does shit like that. She just gave me a weird look and I told her that you wouldn't be responsible for ruining his life that's all on him and if fiance finds out on her own that he's acting like this with you not her which he should be, he'll automatically blame you and call you every name he can think of. And I told her about my ex friend Kelly it was a different situation I changed some things I told her to make it sound similar, she told me she won't turn out like her and I told her that's what she thought too. She told me to trust that she's gonna make the right decision I told her I really hope that she does. Why couldn't it be a junkie or an alcoholic, those people I know how to deal with cheating shitbags however are entirely different and I hate that.

[tropicsgoddess]

You can only do so much. You can help those who will help themselves. Sadly there's nothing you can do to stop her from fooling around with Mr.shitbag. She'll have to find out the hard way (for herself) that he's nothing but a big fucking scumbag. Sadly the fiancee will find out one day that she's marrying a two-timing creep. The cheaters know how to manipulate and lie and make it so easy to believe them which is why it's hard to get somebody that's WITH the cheater to see the truth.

[PepperElf]

shitbag isn't a teacher quite yet apparently, and one of their dads is supposedly friends with one of the admissions people

You know that might not mean anything then.

Just because he has connections doesn't mean those connections would approve of his actions. especially since it sounds like he's trying to force your sister to put out or face the consequences.

and if they find this out ... HE might lose his connection status, not your sister.

[Pixilated]

You know that might not mean anything then.

Just because he has connections doesn't mean those connections would approve of his actions. especially since it sounds like he's trying to force your sister to put out or face the consequences.

and if they find this out ... HE might lose his connection status, not your sister.

Yeah. I can't see his "friends in high places" going, "Oh, sure, OK" when he explains to them why he doesn't want your sister to be accepted ... and even if he has the brains to make up something a little more acceptable, they'd still want proof, not one person's word, since it could possibly ... just possibly ... be a personal conflict ...

But as tropicsgoddess said, your sister has made it obvious she will have to learn this the hard way ... as will (sadly) the guy's fiancée.