Is there a reason for this?

[Crescent Cat]

Does anyone else have issues with becoming overly frustrated or angry over things that they know they shouldn't be getting that upset over?

Example: A few years ago I was heading to my first class for the new semester in college and I got stuck in really bad traffic. I was getting very anxious because I did not want to be late on my first day. I mean really, really anxious and on the verge of hyperventilating. I knew it wasn't the end of the world and that there was nothing I could do about it so I tried to calm myself down. I took some deep breaths and said "Okay, you're stuck in traffic but there isn't a single thing you can do except wait it out. So don't worry about it, okay? This isn't even remotely the worst thing that could possibly happen. So what if you're late? It's okay."

And for a few brief moments I was able to calm down only to suddenly become riled up again.

Other times, someone will give me constructive criticism and even though I know and understand that they're giving me solid advice and only trying to help, I'll get really upset. I know it's nothing personal. I know they're not trying to tear me down, but I feel that way inside.

It's just so frustrating. Cognitively I understand that what's happening is nothing to get upset over but emotionally I'll feel angry, anxious, depressed or upset. I just don't get it.

People will often say "You just need to understand that it's not that big of a deal." Every single person that has "helped" me has said something like that. Well, it is true that the things I get upset over aren't that big of a deal and it's not the end of the world but it just isn't that simple. If it were as simple as putting two and two together it wouldn't be an issue. There would be no struggle. The light bulb over my head would go "Ding!" and I'd smile and move on.

But that doesn't happen and to make matters worse people can get condescending and down right mean to me about it. They call me stupid, childish, infantile and claim that I feel above everyone else. They say that I somehow feel that it is my "right" to get angry and break things. They say that I feel that it is unacceptable for me to feel even then slightest bit frustrated but it's okay for everyone else to be.

I have no idea why they say that. I don't believe those things at all. I don't think it's okay for me to lose my cool over trivial things. I realize it's unacceptable and I get frustrated and depressed when it happens. I am disappointed in myself once again. And as for frustration - that's just part of life. Not only do I not think I should never feel frustrated but I expect to be. As for calling me things like "stupid" and "childish" - who wouldn't get mad after being called those things?

The fact that I realize all these things - that I get overly upset over things that really aren't that big of a deal - yet I still feel frustrated makes me even more frustrated because I just don't understand it. I don't know why I have this knee-jerking emotional reaction to everyday annoyances and it makes me feel like crap when I do because I know I shouldn't be feeling that way.

Am I making any sense?

TL;DR version:

I get upset over tiny things and even though I know that these things really don't matter, I still blow them out of proportion and I don't know why and it's really frustrating.

[Pixilated]

You are making sense and I've had that happen to me as well, especially recently. I find I'm at my worst with this type of thing when I have a lot of other things on my mind as well -- perhaps that is the case with you too? If things in general are going reasonably well, I find it a lot easier to shrug off the occasional inconvenience, but when too much is piling up, it feels like one more thing is just the last straw.

[Andara Bledin]

I've always found that when I get cranky over things I know I shouldn't be cranky over, it just makes me even more cranky because I know, intellectually, that I shouldn't be cranky and can't do anything to stop the crankiness.

I have learned that when I start getting like this, it's tied in with my blood sugar being low. My ex described being low as all the worst parts of being drunk, and as someone with control issues, that is the number one way to make me irritable.

To deal with it myself, I resign myself to the fact that I'm going to be cranky and frustrated and there's no point in getting more cranky over being cranky; it is what it is. To deal with it around others, I let them know that I'm cranky and that I'm going to be cranky until I get the issue resolved and there's nothing I can do about it other than resolving the underlying issue and waiting for it to pass. I generally try to isolate myself when I realize I'm acting unreasonably.

^-.-^

[Silvercat]

Yes. It seems to get worse when my depression / anxiety is acting up.

I've actually always had issues with getting way angrier than I need to, usually from frustration. If I can step away and cool off, I'm fine, or if I'm alone and I can do the 30 seconds of swearing and hitting things I'm fine.

Can you work on telling yourself that it's okay to get angry without good reason, so you can just be angry and not depressed afterwards?

[MoonCat]

I get like that when I'm very tired. If you're not getting enough sleep that could explain it. Some other possibilities:
- Too much to do and not enough time to do it.
- Other stressful things going on (parents, classes, illnesses, relationships, etc)
- A habit of being too hard on yourself. Give yourself permission to be human and fallible!

[Kittish]

I don't know if I'm going to be able to make much sense here, but I'll try.

I look at things apparently a LOT differently than most people seem to. For one thing, I believe on a level so basic that it's actually hard even to get it to fit into words that everyone has an absolute, inviolable right to feel however they feel, no matter the reasons.

How you express or even whether you reveal your feelings is another, social matter, and is as infinitely variable as what sort of social setting you're in.

I think it helps that, with a very few exceptions, I truly don't much CARE about other people's opinions of me or my behavior. I follow my own rules (which admittedly have been modified in spots to keep me out of trouble in public) and try to enjoy whatever I find myself doing. Mostly I succeed.

For me, this seems to be a mostly built in way of looking at the world that has been validated and more precisely defined by those that I have chosen as my mentors over the years.

[ArcticChicken]

I find that when I'm getting cranky about things that shouldn't bother me, there is usually some other underlying issue. I'm tired, hungry, in pain, or, most commonly, there is something else bothering me that's not intrusive enough that I realize that's the problem.

For example, last week I was cranky all week, little tiny things bothering me all out of proportion to how they should. I finally figured out that it was the way my boyfriend was acting. Instances that on their own weren't a big deal, but it was a behavior pattern that had gone on for a while. I talked to him about it and he fixed it, and since then the little things aren't bothering me anymore.

[violiavampyr]

It's usually around that time of the month for me.

[Andara Bledin]

It's usually around that time of the month for me.

Hormonal shifts and minor chronic discomfort.

There's nothing like a low-level chronic pain to make a person irritable. It's small enough that you usually won't do anything about it, but it ratchets up your blood pressure and overall stress line and sometimes it's enough to make the difference between being comfortable and being cranky.

^-.-^

[42_42_42]

Yeah, that happens to me, or, at least it did before I was put on meds for anxiety and depression. If you find yourself feeling anxious a lot for no apparent reason you may also have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (what my official diagnosis is). More info about it is available from the DSM-IV-TR. If the symptoms you are describing are adversely affecting your life (and it sounds like they are) you should seek out professional help, either from a psychiatrist or a therapist. For me, cognitive therapy alone wasn't enough, although it did help me reduce my number of panic attacks by allowing me to figure out when they're coming and how to short-circuit the thinking that leads to them. Without meds, though, I'd be a mess. I was a mess. But everybody is different and therapy alone might work for you.

[firecat88]

Ahh, yes. I know all about being frustrated and angry over the tiniest things. x.x Just today, I came to the conclusion that this one game on Facebook (Bubble Safari), I should not actually play. Twice today, I got angry enough to want to punch my computer screen because of the level I'm stuck on (it's one of the levels that, every time you fire a bubble, more bubbles get shot out and it's very difficult to clear them all).

I've noticed that it's worst, though, when I go too long without eating. Like, for example, if it's 3 PM and I haven't eaten since 9 that morning. I get rather irrationally teary, bitchy, and unpleasant to be around. >.> *I* don't even like to be around me when I get like that. My sister has the same problem too. My brother-in-law says that, instead of getting 'hungry', we get 'hangry' (hungry + angry).

[blas]

Someone after my own heart.

Before I was put on anti-depressants, I was like that over nearly any little thing, any time of day or night.

I know I shouldn't let stuff that doesn't matter or that I have no control over bother me.

But I let them all anyway.

[Ree]

I'm in the same boat, but it's all due to stress overload for me.

So close to breaking point that even little things that should just be brushed away as minor annoyances cause me to erupt and go ballistic.

[Ellain]

Just the other day I felt a wash of rage when mu husband suggested a different location for the baby gate we use to keep our dog corralled. So, yeah, I understand. Though, I actually figured out what's behind my most recent blow ups. I had been doing really well. Went to counseling, got off my meds (with dr's approval) and was holding steady for almost a year. Then I got pregnant, lol. Hormones strike back!

[houdini]

I've noticed that it's worst, though, when I go too long without eating. Like, for example, if it's 3 PM and I haven't eaten since 9 that morning. I get rather irrationally teary, bitchy, and unpleasant to be around. >.> *I* don't even like to be around me when I get like that. My sister has the same problem too. My brother-in-law says that, instead of getting 'hungry', we get 'hangry' (hungry + angry).

It's one of the symptoms of low blood sugar. If I get irritable, I gotta eat soon because if I don't, I'm going to be on the floor (hypoglycemia, so not a normal reaction!). It's quite a good warning sign, and the husband knows it as well - if I'm grumpy, I get handed food before he'll ask what's wrong!

I find that if I'm worried about something else, I do get frustrated with little things (like having to do the washing up). However, with things like your example of getting stuck in a traffic jam, I can sympathise - I get like that with tidying before the in-laws come, and it's because I'm worried about the situation. I'm not really bothered that the top of the shelves aren't dusted - it's that they will think I'm a bad wife etc etc...so the stuck in a traffic jam could be because of worries that you'll make a bad impression by being late, and the frustration of not being able to do anything about it.

/ramblings.