New two income home.

[Rainman]

Hey all this is my first time posting an advice thread

Mrs. Rainman recently rejoined the workforce after a year of being a stay-at-home mom. She loves Toddler Rainman but felt like she was going nuts with almost no adult interaction so she got a job at a large grocery chain. She also decided to start taking online classes for her degree. I am very proud of her

BUT, this now means we are BOTH full time employees, full time students and full time parents. By some freaking miracle we actually have everything worked out to where one of us or Mother-in-law Rainman can always be with the baby, but this leaves what I feel as almost no time for eachother. Seriously, its almost nothing, I think we both have wednesday afternoons off and that's the only common off time we have.

Im curious if anyone else has been in this situation and if it affected your relationship with your S.O, and if so, how did you manage it?

[csquared]

Maybe it is the fact that The Wife and I had a long distance relationship for nine years before we got married, but it has not really been a problem for us. Granted, we are not students and we don't have kids either. I can also relate to Mrs. Rainman. My parents raised six kids. We use to joke that my dad went to work to relax. He was an Air Traffic Controller.

I recommend scheduling us time, me time, you time and kid time. Everyone needs a break. Mix up the days and times so that this does not turn into a rut. That also means you don't miss something on Friday because "Us time" is ALWAY Saturday.

Us time: Just you and Mrs. You should alternate who gets to choose what you do.

Me time & you time: You should each have time to do what you want to do. Escape to a luxurious bath. Hide in the shop/garage. Boys/Girls night out. This should also be Mommy/Daddy time for the kids. If the spouse wants to stay home, get the kids out of the house. If the spouse wants to get out, then your options are a lot more open.

Kid time: While they get one of you during me/you time, you need to make sure that both of you spend time with them together. You did not say what your work/class schedules are, but sitting down for dinner is a great start.

Good luck with it!

[42_42_42]

We use to joke that my dad went to work to relax.

My dad works for the county tax department as their main IT guy.

He DOES go to work to "relax" or at least get away from the insanity that is home (my sister and her 5 children, 4 of which are boys, live with our parents). In fact, he's decided to put off retirement (he's like 18 months away from being able to retire) indefinitely just to have a place to escape to.

[auntiem]

I'm not so much a romantic, but for me when things are hectic and stressful - it is the little things that melt my heart. Shows of support and little treats - that kind of thing.
Are you going to the same school? If you aren't then extra help during each other's finals week, when papers are due or when the schoolwork is brutal is super supportive.
Online school is hard for some people - maybe a goofy toy from ThinkGeek (like the USB owl) to keep her spirits up - my Dad gave my Mom a hammer that made glass shattering sounds when she went back to school - she said that it made all the difference in sanity levels.
Schedule a long weekend that you can look forward to in addition to "date night".
You might want to schedule a time once a week for a "house meeting" in addition to date night/afternoon - a time to discuss schedules, budgets, pay bills, all the boring details of running a busy life - that way you don't waste "date time" arguing about that kind of stuff.

[Miss Fatale]

Schedules for everything -- for cleaning, for school work, for sex, for relaxation time. It's okay if you can only spend 30 minutes on something. Sometimes we get stuck thinking we have to set aside big blocks of time to do things. Not true! A little bit of time can do wonders. And odd hours, too, maybe together time is from 9-10 P.M.

Dates are a good idea. If you can, schedule a total "day off" -- no school work, no paid labor. Maybe some housework. But a time you know is for the family or just the two of you.

Most important: communicate! Clearly! Don't let resentments grow. If there's a problem, address. Work together to find a solution.

Good luck! You can do it!

[Luna Baby]

I've been in that situation, now and before. Hubby and I have been on opposite work schedules, he's in school (graduates in December!) and we have 2 boys. Yes, it can and does affect the relationship. But, you love one another so you must work at it. That little bit of time you have (on Wednesdays?) or whenever, make time for just the 2 of you. Even if it is only 30 minutes. You can have lots of "us time" in 30 minutes, you just have to make it worth it. And it doesn't have to be sex either. Couples need some down time just to communicate.

Hang in there.

[Aethian]

My friends are kinda going through the same and as a Christmas/baby shower gift they got a coupon book, we volunteered babysitting or a provided meal. They have said thats one of the things that help them keep sane. So don't forget to get a baby sitter every so often and escape from being parents for a bit.

[Rainman]

Thanks for all the advice folks I know it wont last forever but we just dont want our relationship to suffer because we are trying to better ourselves. I look forward to a day when all I have to do is work and not go to school. lol Being an adult sucks.

[Teefies2]

Back when my kids were little and my DH & I actually *liked* each other, we would schedule once a week to get together. Wednesday lunch was for coordinating schedules, kids schedules, etc., but also for a meal together without the kids. Once a month on Friday night, which convienently happened to be "Parents' Night Out" at our church, was our date night. We would go out to eat and then do something like a movie, bowling, whatever. The PNO was free babysitting (although we had to do our turn babysitting the other parents' kids, but only twice a year), the kids enjoyed the play time with other kids they knew without the structure of "church time", and we remembered why we got married.

That worked for us for a long time. Good luck to you!

[Rainman]

We are having a hell of a time coming up with any solid days to do stuff because her work doesnt have her on a set schedule (yet?) The only consistent thing so far is that she will always work 5am-1pm. I think for now doing nice, small things will keep her love tank full. I've started listing the "Top 100 reasons I love Mrs. Rainman" on her ipad notes, adding a new one every day for her to wake up to. And today (despite having a toddler who is still mastering walking nipping at my heels) i managed to do a rather good clean of the house so she could get right to her online classes.

So, kind of a topic change here what are some nice "little" things you have done for your SOs or had done for you?

[ArcticChicken]

Sometimes my BF will out of the blue stop and stare at me then say something along the lines of "My god you are beautiful."

If she likes flowers, bring some home once in a while.

You could pack her a lunch or set it up so that all she has to do in the morning is turn on the coffee pot.