The world is dangerous; everyone knows this already

[iPanda]

I'm getting frustrated and pissed and I need advice, please.

I'm 19 years old (I feel like I'm the youngest on these boards... ) and I'm currently in school to be an Art Teacher with a focus on elementary school kids and also minor in English so that I can teach ESL in Korea and maybe Japan.
There is this program called the TaLK program which run by the Korean government that pays for plane ticket, finds and pays for a place to live (like an apartment), and pays a monthly stipend for someone who is eligible to work in Korea for a period of 6 months to a year, and teach English to little elementary schoolers.
I'm eligible to apply.
I really really want to do it.
I want to get the experience and also be around my own culture so that I can learn more about it and also further my Korean language skills.

I asked my mother but she said to talk about it with my aunt, saying that she's "too old to process such information" and because I'm living with my aunt. So I did.
She refused to hear me out, saying "No" simply because she's too terrified of putting me "at risk". She keeps repeating herself; "You'll get targeted because you're a foreigner; you'll get kidnapped; you'll get raped; you'll get murdered... etc"
She also likes to keep repeating; "10 years ago, I know of two women from church that went to Korea on vacation. They were last seen eating at a restaurant."

I told her that I understand the risks but this is something I really want and I would pay for whatever fees there are, myself, and that it would be a really great teaching experience for me. I told her, it's dangerous everywhere in the world; some places more than others but if I just stay home then I won't be able to learn or experience anything about the world.

You know that cliche where it's "I'm a bird stuck in a cage" kind of message? Yeah, really feeling that right now.

Can anyone give me any advice as to what I can do to win her over?
I can't just do it all on my own even though I'm a legal adult because if I were to go ahead and do it, she'll most likely try to sabotage or when I get back after 6 months, there won't be any place to come back to.
Halp.
Thanks.

[AccountingDrone]

Do it. If you miss an opportunity that may never happen again you will most likely regret it.

When you come back if nothing else it will demonstrate that you are a capable adult. And you can always try to get a job building upon the experience of already been a teacher, it may actually help to differentiate you from every other training teacher in school.

[fireheart]

I'm getting frustrated and pissed and I need advice, please.

I'm 19 years old (I feel like I'm the youngest on these boards... ) and I'm currently in school to be an Art Teacher with a focus on elementary school kids and also minor in English so that I can teach ESL in Korea and maybe Japan.
There is this program called the TaLK program which run by the Korean government that pays for plane ticket, finds and pays for a place to live (like an apartment), and pays a monthly stipend for someone who is eligible to work in Korea for a period of 6 months to a year, and teach English to little elementary schoolers.
I'm eligible to apply.
I really really want to do it.
I want to get the experience and also be around my own culture so that I can learn more about it and also further my Korean language skills.

And I thought I was the baby on the boards (I'm only 22)...

Anyway, I may be able to redirect her to a website that might help allay some of her fears.
http://www.smarttraveller.gov.au/zw-...ce/South_Korea

This is the website on travel advice for South Korea. The information is updated almost daily. While it's Australian, we do actually care about our folks. Japan is on the same boat.

[Seshat]

Go.

As for winning your aunt over... find out what support the organisation running the program provides for its participants. If there's good support, that will likely help.

Also, get in touch with the (your nation) embassy in Seoul. (Yes, I'm assuming it's S. Korea you'd be going to. .) Discuss safety issues with them, and ask if they're familiar with the program you'd be heading over on.

Get travel advice: both from folks here, and folks elsewhere on the web.

Demonstrate to your aunt that you have all your ducks lined up in a row, and are behaving like a responsible adult in this regard.

Now, we don't know your aunt. If she's a total worrywort, this won't help. But if she were, say, someone like me? Knowing you know how to get in touch with the embassy, how to stay as safe as reasonable, have investigated the background of the program... I'd stop worrying.
I would, however, prompt you with whatever travel advice I knew of that you'd forgotten.


Some travel advice to start with:

* Make sure you're insured. Your medical insurance might - or might not - cover medical expenses overseas; if not, get travel medical insurance.
Your credit card company might - or might not - cover you against delays, missed flights, missed hotel rooms, etc etc. If not, get general travel insurance.
Look up what travel insurance companies cover, and make sure you're covered for all of that: either by a TI company, or by your existing insurances.

* Have a backup plan in case the TaLK program doesn't work out for you for some reason. This plan might be as simple as a bank account with enough money for a plane ticket home, or might be a list of similar programs you can apply to from within Korea.

* Don't waste valuable packing space on things you can easily get in Korea, and won't need until you get there. But DO carry toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush, etc with you in carry-on luggage. It's amazing how much better you feel with a clean mouth and brushed hair.

* It's a stereotype, but most Asian-based clothing stores seem to only have clothes for smaller builds. If you're not Korean-sized, bring clothes for all seasons - or pack clothes into a box, store with a trustworthy friend, and have the friend ship it when you're about to need it.
If you do fit Korean-sized clothes, and you're going to be paid for what you do, plan to buy Korean stuff. It's FUN - and the clothes will suit the climate.

* If you have medications you need to take, check with the Korean embassy in your home country that those medications are legal and available in Korea. Ask them what a Korean doctor is going to want, with regard to prescribing them for you: at minimum, expect to need a letter from your local family doctor, plus a certified translation from English to Korean.

* Make up a document, and keep a copy in every piece of luggage you have, plus your money belt. (Note: anything valuable in your money belt should be stored in a plastic bag.)
- Passport #
- Driver's licence #
- Any other gov't issued ID #
- (your nation) embassy phone details in Seoul
- Medical details
- Contact person back home
- Contact person in Seoul (if possible, if not state 'contact embassy')
- Home address
- Seoul address (or hotel)
- Travel insurance details
- Other insurance details.
- Travellers' cheque details
- Bank details.
- Plane ticket details.
DO keep some of these in an obfuscated form, or in a form that will allow you to remember them but won't let Joe Thief get all the info on your life.
However: the purpose of this document is twofold. Part of it is to identify you in case of a medical emergency; so that the paramedics or nurses know to contact the (home country) embassy, know what meds you need, etc. - and the embassy knows who to contact.
The other part is in case you lose your other travel documents, and have to re-create them from a copy of this. If you feel the need, write some of the information in lemon juice. It dries to invisibility, and you can heat it with a normal lightbulb to 'cook' it to a readable brown.

* Carry at least two different forms of money. I always carried more - $Au, $US, one or two debit cards, several travellers' cheques as 'just in case' final-desperation money.

[Pixilated]

Great advice here already and all I have to add is ... by all means do your best to "win your aunt over" but if it's not possible, go anyway. You're an adult and don't need her permission. When you return, hale and hearty, she can see for herself that (a) you know how to arrange your travel details to keep yourself safe, and (b) her fears about your being a 'foreigner' were groundless. Good luck and have a great time!

[iPanda]

I really do want to go without even taking her permission but doing so would cause my mom a lot of stress that would be really bad for her health.
As for the who's running the program; it's run by the Korean government. They arrange the housing, they give you health insurance while you're there, give you some money pay for the plane ticket, and a monthly allowance to use for food or whatever like bus fare and things.

[sms001]

See if your contact person with the program can put you in touch with previous participants. Maybe a call or letter from someone who did it a few years ago and is a.) Safe, b.)Successful now, and c.)Enthusiastic about what the program did for them might swing Auntie around. The more of them the better, and the more similar they are to you (younger, female, geographically, background, etc.) the better.

Good luck, I hope you go.

[Maria]

I'm not very good at advice, but I want to at least try to share what I learned through my experience. I hope you can glean something useful from it. When I was 21, I defied my parents' wishes and moved away for about five months. The things you're worried about, and that your aunt is saying, are so, so familiar to me. One thing I can think of, if you decide to do it, then decide and tell what's going to happen, rather than ask -- and yes, I get that that may go over like a lead balloon. It did with my family, too. But the thing I realized afterward is, my family never really expected to step back and let me be in charge of my own life, until I insisted. Maybe this isn't quite the case for you, but for me, this situation of having to push for the right to be a grown-up, it WAS going to happen. Whether it was that day, or 20 years later, I was going to have to go through some sucky stuff with family, in order to be treated like an adult.

So what could a person do to help things along? Make plans for some of the "what ifs" as Seshat suggested, talk to people who've done something similar, share some of that with your family so they can start to get the idea that you're not going into this blind. It'll also reduce your stress, to already have solutions for when difficulties crop up. Tell people what you're doing. Do it. If you realize you need to change your mind, then do so, even though it might prompt somebody to tell you they told you so.

From my own experience, what I discovered when I first made an adult decision instead of only doing what my father wanted, is that I wasn't the only one who grew up. I did, a lot, and that was an essential time of growth for me, but my dad also "grew up" and learned real quick how to be the parent of an adult. Things were bad for a little while, but by the time I returned, my family was settled into a new level of normal, where nobody's trying to manage my life for me anymore. Whether that would be how it works for you, I don't know... it is a risk, and only you can decide if it's worth it to you. Okay I'll pipe down now... I don't know if that was useful at all, but it's what I wish I'd known, when I was having to deal with stuff like this.

[MaggieTheCat]

A co-worker of my husband spent a couple of years in Korea for his job. Granted he was male, but he was relatively young (early 20s) and went by himself, and nothing bad ever happened to him. He had a very good experience overall; the people he worked and interacted with were very nice and helpful and he never had a problem with theft or anything like that. It might not convince your aunt...but there are definitely people who have had positive experiences out there.

[houdini]

She refused to hear me out, saying "No" simply because she's too terrified of putting me "at risk". She keeps repeating herself; "You'll get targeted because you're a foreigner; you'll get kidnapped; you'll get raped; you'll get murdered... etc"
She also likes to keep repeating; "10 years ago, I know of two women from church that went to Korea on vacation. They were last seen eating at a restaurant."

To be blunt, you're at risk simply by living. You could get run over by a bus. You could get kidnapped walking down the street. You could have a piano fall on your head. Life is dangerous and the world is dangerous, and you have to take a measure of risk in everything you do.

If you were backpacking round the more dangerous parts of South America on your own, then I could appreciate her point...but South Korea is safe, nice, and you'd be going with a recognised programme. I'd second what everyone else has said - find out as much information as you can to try to make your aunt feel better, but then go and do it anyway! It will be an amazing experience and you'll grow so much through it. Travelling is one of the best things you can do, and it changes your outlook on life and the world completely.

[Seshat]

The greatest danger in S. Korea is the fact that N. Korea is so close. Otherwise it's not really any different, safety-wise, from any other first world country.

[Der Cute]

Frankly, why the hell are you staying? Because someone's put a guilt trip on you. "My aunt will get worried and her health etc yadda".
Use Seshat's practical advice. Mine is pack a parachute, and jump. I wanted to go to England. Never had done it, I was alone, landing in London without a person /escort. People on the PLANE told me I was nuts. I just replied, "There's an embassy. They speak English. London's pretty well mapped out." They couldn't argue with that!
Just go, and send postcards. Or pics/share that. If you stay and do as they want you to, you'll boil up some serious Resentment Stew and a bit of Anger Pie. (hey today's a food day shuddup). You don't learn if you don't live.

[Eevie]

As for being the baby on these forums, that's my job. (I'm 17, will be 18 next June. I wouldn't have joined CS though if I couldn't contribute.)

Go through with it. Even I know you're going to regret it far more if you don't go through with it. Besides, no one achieved anything great by staying the safe side. Go for it!

[iPanda]

No ones guilt tripping me, but I just have the fear of not having a place to live when I come back (my mom can't financially support me) and like I said, my moms sick enough. Anymore stress can be really bad for her health.
There ARE good signs because I when I started filling out my application, my aunt answered some of the questions I asked her and when I asked for my passport, she found it for me.

[Moirae]

iPanda, I'm going to say something slightly different than the others.

Please understand... I'm not averse to risk. In fact, in 2001, I left my first husband of two years (granted, we were having serious problems. For example: He was trying to cut me off from my family and friends after cheating on me, and that's just to start) and came to the United States. I stayed for 6 months, met a whole bunch of internet friends I had met over chat rooms, worked in gardens and the like to make money. Stayed with some of those friends. During that time, I started talking with one particular person. At that time, you could stay in the US for 6 months legally as a vacation without needing a visa (this was before 911). I had two weeks left and couldn't leave without meeting him face to face. I got off that bus, saw him and whispered his name, leaped into his arms and kissed him, and we've been together ever since. I legally divorced my first husband in 2002 and married the love of my life in 2006, then moved to the United States to be with him in 2008.

As you can see, I understand risk, and sometimes you just have to take the plunge, and to hell with what everyone says around you.

But there is a big difference between what I did and what you want to do. Canada is at peace with the world. The chance of anyone attacking Canada, or Canada aggressively attacking another country, are extremely slim. And I knew and understood the US fairly well, after all, much of Canada is heavily involved in what happens in the US. We grow up hearing about the US there, and I knew more about American history than I did about Canadian in spite of having grown up Canadian.

You, however, are going to a country that is having very very serious problems right now. That includes issues with nuclear weapons threats, talk of war between north and south Korea, and more.

Consider that there is a very big reason why Korea is offering to pay for everything for you for a year. Because their own people are leaving or completely unskilled. Korea is not a first world nation by any means. So you will be entering into a world that you know very little about save for some stories told to you by your family, and possibly some friends.

That is an extremely dangerous area of the world. And once you go there, you may end up trapped and unable to leave the country.

I guess I am trying to scare you a little. I just want you to realize the reality of the situation where you want to go.

If you are so determined to move there, and take advantage of this, I really suggest you save up the money to live there for at least 6 months without being under the governments thumb because the government there has alot more power than ours does here. Then go live there for a while. Talk to the locals about their lives. Learn what it's like to live there, not just what you see on tv.

But please, whatever you do for your own safety, don't rush in to this.