From One Extreme to the Other

[Kisa]

A month ago, men had absolutly no interest in me. Now, too many men are interested in me. I have:
1) guy I met at Starbucks. Nice guy, decent looking. I don't have any feelings for him, but there's potential.
2) guy I met online. He likes me, I have no interest in him because, well, he doesn't talk. He gives these little 1-2 word answers and snips all his questions short as well. He keeps wanting to know if I want to do something sometime, but I know literally nothing about him except his name. He will not talk about himself and it makes me uncomfortable.
3) guy that sits next to me in calculus. He walks me to the parking lot on occasion. Once again, I know nothing about him. He seems nice, but he's never tried anything other than walking near me and making small-talk.
4) Geek Guy from Calculus. Lately, he's been glancing over his sholder at me when he thinks I'm not paying attention and today, he waited until I walked by and then kinda shuffled between his desk and the door like he didn't know if he wanted to leave or not. I think he may have wanted to walk over to me, but chickened out. I'm definetly interested in getting to know him, but neither of us want to make the first move.

Aaaannd so I'm effed lol I'm so bad at saying no to people and I don't know if talking to all of them would be ok, so I don't know where to go from here.
What if I say no to 3 guys and pick one and the one turns out to be a bad match for me?
What if one of the guys I say no to is the perfect match for me?
Ugh my head hurts

[PepperElf]

wait #4 - is that the same guy from Would this be creepy????

if it is... maybe that's a good sign?

[Kisa]

wait #4 - is that the same guy from Would this be creepy????

if it is... maybe that's a good sign?

Yeppers lol that's him. The only problem is, we seem to be equally shy

[Seraph]

Yeppers lol that's him. The only problem is, we seem to be equally shy

Ask him out! You can do it, hun! ^_^

[Shpepper]

the shy one in your class, I have a suggestion. Forget asking him out or anything like that. You are in the same class. Ask him if he wants to study for the next test with you. There has to be somewhere on campus that you can get coffee or a soda and study, right? Not a date. Easy to leave if you need to and bonus of getting to talk to the guy and maybe some new insight into your class.

[Seshat]

You can be friends with all of them. But it's generally not a good idea to be romantic with multiple people at a time unless it's arranged ahead of time and ALL involved are not just okay with it, but happy with it.

As for the 'what if' scenarios: be friends with them all. After a few months, you'll know all of them better.

Among other things, look at their life goals. If someone has life goals which aren't compatible with yours, they may be suitable for a short-term romance, but not as a long-term or permanent life partner.

One example of incompatible goals is children: a family can't "half-have" children! Some people want them, some don't, some haven't actually thought it through. Some people have just assumed 'everyone has kids'; and never thought about the process of raising an infant into an independant and happy adult.

So if you want kids, and you want a long-term romance with the possibility of permanence, you'll need to discuss the kids issue. Actually, if you don't want kids, you'll need to discuss it too!

It's the same thing with, say, military service. Or ministerial/pastoral work. Both a military partner and the partner of a priest/minister/pastor have their lives strongly and permanently affected by their partner's calling. A military partner lives wherever their partner is based, and may not see their love for months or even years at a time. A pastor's partner is often treated by the congregation as if they were an aide or secretary to their love; and many do that job.

[Gizmo]

I agree - strike up friendship levels with all of them and let it play out. You are allowed to have male friends... it doesn't have to be boyfriend or nothing.

[Giggle Goose]

You can make plans with all of them if you want!! You said you are worried about picking the "wrong" one. But trust me, if you get to know all of them at the same time on a non-exclusive basis, you'll find out quickly who is the best match for you.

Although guy #2 kinda weirds me out...he could just really hate talking online/on the phone, but I'm kind of worried that he doesn't tell you anything about himself before meeting up. If it makes you uncomfortable, ditching him might not be a bad idea.

[blas]

I'm jealous, girl!

Didn't we all tell you you're hot stuff?

[PepperElf]

Yeppers lol that's him. The only problem is, we seem to be equally shy

that sounds sweet though.



seriously the best pickup line ever is .... "Hi!"

[Kisa]

Quick Update:

The creepy non-talker is gone and off the list.

Starbucks guy has stopped talking to me so I'm not sure what's up there.

The guy who sits next to me hasn't said a word to me in about 2 weeks.

Geek Guy is still too intimidating to talk to and today, he walked right past me with his head turned the other way I wonder if I misread him and he really doesn't like me? Eitherway, I decided to write a note instead and give it to him on the last dayof class. That way, I don't have to worry about talking to him and if he rejects me, I won't have to deal with seeing him any more. Plus, I usually tear up when I'm rejected so it will save me the humiliation and him the discomfort. The note pretty much says "Hello, I'm sorry I con't say this in person because I'm painfully shy, but you seem like an interesting person. Would you like to get coffee or something sometime?" and I put my number at the bottom.

[Food Lady]

Kisa, you have described my dating life, except that I'm not shy. But I do act reserved because I don't want to scare them off. Maybe I should fkirt shamelessly.

[Andara Bledin]

About guy #4, your calculus crush.. It's the holiday season. You could give him a small gift, like say a tiny gift card to a local eatery or similar.

And I would totally give it to him on the next-to-last day of class, not the last.

But, as mentioned prior, I am nothing remotely close to shy, so I was friends with every guy I thought was even remotely interesting.

^-.-^

[Kisa]

About guy #4, your calculus crush.. It's the holiday season. You could give him a small gift, like say a tiny gift card to a local eatery or similar.

And I would totally give it to him on the next-to-last day of class, not the last.

But, as mentioned prior, I am nothing remotely close to shy, so I was friends with every guy I thought was even remotely interesting.

^-.-^

I wish I could do something like that, but I am physically incapable of doing anything even remotely outgoing. There isn't a spontaneous bone in my body.

I have the note all written and in my book bag, but I doubt I'll even give that to him; I'll likely chicken out and just go home like the other times I'll get myself all psyched up and have everything planned out, I'll play it out in my head multiple times until I'm totally confident, but when it comes time to actually act, I chicken out. I just always assume the worst about romantic interactions; that he won't be interested and I will cry in front of him and he will make fun of me and then he'll tell his buddies what a loser I am and I'll get laughed at in my classes. Yes, I have issues and yes, I overhtink things

[Andara Bledin]

You need to stop playing it out and just do it.

What would Yoda say? Are you going to let the little jedi down?

^-.-^