In which I am very confused, hurt and regretful (NSFW)

[Gizmo]

What they said. Don't give her mileage and she can't make it worse. There is nothing you can do about the consent issue and if she's likely to use it for mileage/manipulation then giving in to her isn't likely to stop her from using it against you (and going back on her word not to as long as you do X) if she so feels. Don't give her anything to work with.

I don't know enough to discuss the consent issue further so I won't. Have you even found her phone yet? If not are you sure she actually *did* leave/lose it at your place? (Part of me wonders if that is part-manipulation/planned too you see. Unlikely but...) IF you find it Recorded post it or drop it off somewhere safe but public (in the sense of other people around - say her work if you know it?). I'd be avoiding contact to avoid any further mileage she can push out of this.

[50 mission cap]

arrange to return the phone with a police officer if you wish

[Andara Bledin]

Considering that the woman is a junkie, will be admitting to being fucked up, and has a history of leveling false accusations at you already, I wouldn't assign to much worry to the potential for future harm based on her accusations.

Also, since she's already made threats, find her phone, then turn it in to the police and let them know that she lost it while hopped up and has threatened to accuse you of various things if she doesn't get it back and you fear that she will try something if you are in her presence again. For reasons that should be obvious to all, you don't want to have any more contact with her.

And, really, lose her number and lose your ability to answer her calls.

And if she keeps coming around, consider getting a restraining order against her, because she's already indicated that she has no compunction about ruining your life forever over a cell phone.

^-.-^

[wolfie]

I wouldn't even contact this woman on facebook. She's major bad news.

I have to disagree with that - she's at least a "full bird" colonel, but more likely flag rank.

Considering we have established the girl is slightly *bleep*.

Again, I have to disagree - "totally effing" is a far more accurate description than "slightly".

[Kittish]

I like Andara's suggestion about the phone. Basically, you'd be doing an end run around the crazy woman, and leaving her with no basis for making any accusations against you. One of my favorite saying is 'Don't just cover your ass, armor plate it.' and this seems like it comes pretty close to doing just that.

[Dilorenzo]

Throwing my hat in the ring to say a couple of things.

First off, I stuck my dick in crazy once. It ended up with two-three years that were, without a doubt, the single worst time in my life.

Besides the sex part, this woman is bloody toxic, and you need to get her out of your life, as others have suggested.

As far as "enjoying" yourself goes? Until you find someone that you care about to make that happen (or at least isn't batshit), someone has suggested lube, I'll suggest a fleshlight, or any other toy like a fleshlight. They may be expensive, but if you are looking for gratification, they work just fine.

[Greenday]

First off, I stuck my dick in crazy once. It ended up with two-three years that were, without a doubt, the single worst time in my life.

Yea, I messed around with the crazy once. Never again. She ended up practically stalking me, some guy who was also into her tried to attack me. Just not worth it.

[Jester]

And, really, lose her number and lose your ability to answer her calls.

The one reason I might suggest keeping her number in your phone is so that, if she does try to call you, you know it's her and can simply ignore it.

Unless, of course, you are like me and never answer any calls from numbers you don't recognize. Or you can arrange with your phone company to block her number from calling your number. Of course, this won't prevent her from calling you from a different number, but do what you can to make it so she cannot easily contact you.

[Andara Bledin]

I've actually got a number or two that are set to not ring at all so I never even know they happened until I notice the missed call icon.

^-.-^

[Barracuda]

Ok, so I have a bit of a happy update. I saw her on Friday, and we had a long talk. She actually wound up spending the weekend to get away from her parents, who really stress her out, and during the weekend, she decided the time has come to face her issues! I contacted a friend who works with a local mission that runs a live-in program for people struggling with problems or wanting to change their lives, and she's signed up! She will be moving in in a week. I have never seen her this contrite or just...well, broken and wanting to change. Apparently what happened really started her thinking about her issues--she told me she never, ever wanted to hurt me, she cares too much about me and our relationship for that, and as she thought, she realized she really needs to change. I am still cautious, but I have at least 6 weeks to think things over--she's not allowed any outside contact for that long to help her acclimate and get used to being in the program. And whatever happens with us--whether we stay friends or I decide to break contact--I am THRILLED to see her getting the help she needs.

[Jester]

Even if you decide to stay in contact with her, remain cautious and on guard. People like this are often excellent actors and liars. And even if they are not doing that, oftentimes they slip back to their old ways without even realizing it.

In short: be careful. This is a positive step for her, if she is serious about it, but that doesn't guarantee a change in her psychological makeup.

Just saying.

[Victory Sabre]

Well, good for her for getting the help she needs.

That's being said, I'd be very leery about contact with her. She's tried to ruin your life on multiple occasions. She's hurt you. It's up to you to decide, after her treatment, if you can be in her life.

[Barracuda]

Agreed, but assuming she completes the program, I will have a year to figure out things. Thanks for your advice, guys; I do appreciate it, even if I have decided to cautiously see what happens next.

[Jester]

Take the year and think things over, and come to what you believe to be a sound, rational, intelligent choice. And while you're doing that, remember that no matter how much she changes and is helped by this program, please do keep in mind the wisest words said on this whole debacle:

Don't stick your dick in the crazy.

[Sapphire Silk]

Been up most of the night. She called, drunk, at 3 am to demand her phone back <snip>I am terrified that she is going to tell the police I slept with her while she was too drunk to consent. Legally, that's rape, and it doesn't matter what I intended.

I'm glad you figured this out on your own. Because the best indication of future behavior, is past behavior, and this nut has already proven she is willing to set you up on trumped up charges. I can totally see her crying rape.

Ok, so I have a bit of a happy update. I saw her on Friday, and we had a long talk. She actually wound up spending the weekend to get away from her parents, who really stress her out, and during the weekend, she decided the time has come to face her issues! <snip>-I am THRILLED to see her getting the help she needs.

That's great . . . if she's serious. Quite frankly, I'm skeptical.

Barracuda, you are the male example of the typical domestic violence victim: to willing to forgive, too willing to overlook the insanity of your partner, to eager to "fix" her or see her get "fixed" (not in the veterinary way, unfortunately).

I'm a Christian myself, and understand why forgiveness is so important. But forgiving doesn't mean being a sap. I'm glad she's decided to get help. Congratulate her, and then sever all ties now and forever. She's bad news and even if she cleans up her act, you two are not right for each other. Drop her like a hot brick, and don't ever pick her up again. Ever.

Then run, do not walk, and get some counseling on why you keep getting in these bad relationships. You need to figure out why you keep hooking up with the wrong girl before you start looking for the right one. A Christian dating site is not the place to look: there are too many crazy people on those sites looking to take advantage of the gullible. Fix yourself, THEN start looking for the right girl.

Because I am certain you have a lot to offer someone. But if you are not healthy in your own mind, in your own self perception, then you are no more right for any girl you meet than this chick was for you.

I know this is a hard in your face truth, but based on your last thread on this issue, I think you really need to look within yourself for the solution to your dating problems.