Should I buy a membership for my friend?

[depechemodefan]

I have a male friend that used to be my bf years ago. He wants to be my bf again but I tell him "no".

Now I want to buy a membership to the museum. I can buy an individual one for $60. But for $75 I can buy a membership for both of us. We do go to the museum a lot. Usually he buys my ticket.

But I don't know if this will send the wrong message to him. I don't want him to think I want us to be a couple. I do think that if I buy a membership just for me he will be butthurt. He got butthurt when I didn't invite him for Christmas dinner with relatives.

So do you think he might read into a dual membership or you think it's a nice gesture since he usually buys my tickets for the museum?

[Rapscallion]

I suspect from what little I know about this that he'd read too much into it.

Rapscallion

[Seraph]

You could always soften it by saying "Hey, if you wanna spring ten bucks, I can get you a membership pass to the museum!"

Maybe putting it that way would just show it as the friendly offer it is, not as a EYE WUV YOO thing.

[Kheldarson]

Yeah...I'd go with Seraph's solution. That way it's "I'm buying the ticket for myself anyway, and we can get a second one for cheaper if we do it at the same time" and not "Here's this gift of more time with me!"

[Gizmo]

Yeah, I'd go with the "do you wanna pay the (small) upgrade to get a joint one rather than having to pay out for individual ones?"

[sms001]

Or, since you've told him you're not interested in a relationship already, be up front:

"Hey, you've sprung for me going to the museum a bunch, and I'd like to return the favor, but I don't want you to read too much into it. This is payback, not a come-on. Should I get the dual membership?"

[depechemodefan]

I didn't occur to me to talk to him ahead of time about it. I'm leaning toward not getting the dual membership though. I'm pretty sure he'll read "couple" in it. Maybe I'm subconciously trying to piss him off so he would go away.

Then he does this today:

Our football team won some playoff game. So there is a playoff game this Sat. I saw on the news that only nosebleed seats are available; all the good tickets got bought up in 10 min. So the guy calls me and asks if I would buy two playoff tickets for the game Sat. I tell him, "no, they are $110 each, and I don't like football," and he starts with "I would like to see a playoff before I die." I tell him no, I can't afford it. He tells me he has no money, but if I'll buy them he will reimburse me friday. So I give him my cc no. because I don't want to bother going online (I trust him not to take advantage of that) and so far an hour latter he asked if I got a phone call to confirm the purchase.

Now he is generally generous with me (like he'll in general pay for movie tickets and treats for me at the theater), but the way he came out asking for me to buy these tickets. He badgered me to buy Morrissey tickets (and Rush, and once I paid his ticket for DM, which was a lot of money at the time), but I dislike football and I think I'll bring a book, and I wish he just had found someone else.

[AmbrosiaWriter]

Why didn't you just give him the CC number and tell him to only buy a ticket for himself? Why do you have to go? o.O

[depechemodefan]

Why didn't you just give him the CC number and tell him to only buy a ticket for himself? Why do you have to go? o.O

He doesn't like doing stuff like that by himself; though while I was watching the news the news mentioned that only pairs were being sold.

[AmbrosiaWriter]

Depending on where you are then, I'd suggest grabbing something called "Hot Hands" which are basically these little cloth bags that you shake and they generate heat to help keep you warm.

[MoonCat]

Are you sure he's not buying tickets & movie treats for you because he's hoping you'll sort of segue into being BF/GF again...? Just wondering...

[Seshat]

Find another friend of yours who wants the extra ticket, or sell it - either back to the ticket company, or to J. Random Whoever.

Him not liking doing things on his own is HIS problem, NOT YOURS.

And by giving in to him like this, you really are acting like 'his girlfriend'. In fact, you're doing for him things I don't do for my HUSBAND. Not just boyfriend, but husband.

Except on really rare or special occasions, we don't go to things we're not interested in - but then, in our circle of extended friends, there's always someone who's interested in <whatever>.
We're basically part of the goth/geek/steampunk/etc community in a city of circa 2Million. The community criss-crosses so much, we're probably no more than three degrees of separation from any other goth/geek/whatever in the city.


My point is: if you don't want to be his girlfriend, and he wants you to be; don't act like his best friend. Doing 'best friend' stuff is going to be misinterpreted.

'k?

[Gizmo]

With the extra information provided I'd now say "don't bother".

And I might add "consider staying away from him entirely". He's sounding a bit clingy and demanding to be honest. Whining you into buying the football tickets makes me feel very uneasy.

[Pixilated]

Find another friend of yours who wants the extra ticket, or sell it - either back to the ticket company, or to J. Random Whoever.

Him not liking doing things on his own is HIS problem, NOT YOURS.

*snip*

This. It's one thing to say, "Hey, can you lend me the money to buy tickets to XYZ and I'll pay you back next payday?" and quite something else to badger somebody into attending something after they've told you point-blank they're not interested in it. The tickets are sold in pairs? Doesn't he have any friends that are interested in football? If so, why (once you said you don't care for football) didn't he say, "Oh, well, if it's OK, I'll use the other ticket for So-and-so"? And if not ... well, as Seshat says, that's his problem, not yours.

*snip* Whining you into buying the football tickets makes me feel very uneasy.

Very much this. It sounds as if he's thinking that if he just works hard enough at it, the relationship will be back on. Unless you have other reasons that make it necessary to stay in contact with him, I'd start working on cutting all contact with him ... no, you can't go for coffee with him; no, you're not available to go to the museum this weekend; no, he can't use your cc to buy something (even though you trust him to repay you); sorry, you're on your way out the door and don't have time to talk right now. It's unfortunate that you have to do this, but I'm getting the impression that he's taking any contact at all as a sign that you really, secretly, want him back.

OTOH, of course, I may be reading way too much into this.

[Andara Bledin]

While he may just be as clingy as a friend as he is as a boyfriend, the badgering you into going to something you have already stated you aren't interested in going to is crossing a line.

I would suggest figuring out where you want to draw the line, and then work on keeping him on his side and being resolved enough to not let him drag you away from yours.

^-.-^