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I am getting really, really sick of this.
I am, of course, making up the fact that I'm Buddhist. Never-mind the fact that I have been exploring Buddhism since 2010. So I'd like the snide "Oh, how long is that going to last?" comments to stop, especially since I've been Buddhist for two years. But no, it's just a teenage fad or a rebellious thing.
I am especially making up the fact that I'm gay, and I'm 2 seconds away from
my ex. Again. Because we've apparently already done it. Three out of the four family members I've come out to immediately responded with "You think you're gay?" the fourth gave me a long lecture about how I can't 'knock it until I try it' and how I wasn't 'sexually mature' enough to really know. To be honest, I was expecting much worse from the last one, so I'm actually fairly fine with it.
My parents are especially good at misinterpreting my relationship with my ex-boyfriend. We've both come out as LGBT since our relationship, so let's just say that whole thing is more sexually confusing than anything else. He and I have become fairly close friends because we've known each-other six years, and we went through a lot together. But it isn't even remotely sexual.
My favourite is, and let's break it down individually:
I'm making up the depression and anxiety, because they never saw it. Ignoring the fact that I went directly to them several times asking for help for it, and got chewed out each time (the time that got me to finally stop doing that was when my mother told me at my age, she'd had an abortion, and my father said if he thought it'd help he'd throw himself out a window right that second.)
After that, I often went out-of-my-way to hide the SI marks, or just lied about them (oh, that burn was from cooking. Yeah, know I don't cook often), and the day when I destroyed my room, I spent the next hour cleaning it up, throwing out what I'd broken, in a hurry so they wouldn't see.
Oh, and now that my sister is in therapy too, I'm trying to 'convert' her. I'm trying to make them out to be the bad guys, to earn my sister's favour.
I'm also making up the nerve/stress pain I've been having, because when I show symptoms of it around them, I'm 'putting on a show' but they also never see it.
I wish they were out-and-out bastards though, sometimes. That it wasn't so complicated. It's not like they've stopped me from entering help, and when they discovered I'd gone on SSRIs, they didn't freak out on me, and were up-front, very supportive. They've been disparaging, sure. Snide remarks, yes. Sometimes, downright insults. They haven't threatened to cut financial support, evict me, or anything.
I just don't know how much longer I can put up with all this. I've tried hiding all this from them, and it just got worse. I tried directly talking to them, and that just made everything worse. I've tried sucking it up, and it just makes me miserable. I feel like I have to justify every thought, and now I'm fighting on behalf of my sister as well.
I just can't do anything to please them, or prove it to them. Official diagnoses from my doctor? I lied to them too.
I just really needed to vent, maybe commiserate. I can't cut off ties from them just yet, unfortunately. My sister still has at least 2 more years in their custody, and since I'm not financially independent yet, so do I. AT least we don't live in the same building anymore.
I am, of course, making up the fact that I'm Buddhist. Never-mind the fact that I have been exploring Buddhism since 2010. So I'd like the snide "Oh, how long is that going to last?" comments to stop, especially since I've been Buddhist for two years. But no, it's just a teenage fad or a rebellious thing.
I am especially making up the fact that I'm gay, and I'm 2 seconds away from
my ex. Again. Because we've apparently already done it. Three out of the four family members I've come out to immediately responded with "You think you're gay?" the fourth gave me a long lecture about how I can't 'knock it until I try it' and how I wasn't 'sexually mature' enough to really know. To be honest, I was expecting much worse from the last one, so I'm actually fairly fine with it. My parents are especially good at misinterpreting my relationship with my ex-boyfriend. We've both come out as LGBT since our relationship, so let's just say that whole thing is more sexually confusing than anything else. He and I have become fairly close friends because we've known each-other six years, and we went through a lot together. But it isn't even remotely sexual.
My favourite is, and let's break it down individually:
I'm making up the depression and anxiety, because they never saw it. Ignoring the fact that I went directly to them several times asking for help for it, and got chewed out each time (the time that got me to finally stop doing that was when my mother told me at my age, she'd had an abortion, and my father said if he thought it'd help he'd throw himself out a window right that second.)
After that, I often went out-of-my-way to hide the SI marks, or just lied about them (oh, that burn was from cooking. Yeah, know I don't cook often), and the day when I destroyed my room, I spent the next hour cleaning it up, throwing out what I'd broken, in a hurry so they wouldn't see.
Oh, and now that my sister is in therapy too, I'm trying to 'convert' her. I'm trying to make them out to be the bad guys, to earn my sister's favour.
I'm also making up the nerve/stress pain I've been having, because when I show symptoms of it around them, I'm 'putting on a show' but they also never see it.
I wish they were out-and-out bastards though, sometimes. That it wasn't so complicated. It's not like they've stopped me from entering help, and when they discovered I'd gone on SSRIs, they didn't freak out on me, and were up-front, very supportive. They've been disparaging, sure. Snide remarks, yes. Sometimes, downright insults. They haven't threatened to cut financial support, evict me, or anything.
I just don't know how much longer I can put up with all this. I've tried hiding all this from them, and it just got worse. I tried directly talking to them, and that just made everything worse. I've tried sucking it up, and it just makes me miserable. I feel like I have to justify every thought, and now I'm fighting on behalf of my sister as well.
I just can't do anything to please them, or prove it to them. Official diagnoses from my doctor? I lied to them too.
I just really needed to vent, maybe commiserate. I can't cut off ties from them just yet, unfortunately. My sister still has at least 2 more years in their custody, and since I'm not financially independent yet, so do I. AT least we don't live in the same building anymore.
<3
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