Tweet
Once upon a time, in a parallel universe, there was a parallel bar in which all the parallel universe's people drank prodigious amounts of Chateau de Poisson. They watched things like Earth Trek, Earth Wars and Doctor Him, and of course Fencegate SG-1.
One day they stumbled across an online forum titled "Customers SUCK!" This was news to them. Some of them had been customers in a previous life and were vaguely offended, especially as they now had to remember their previous life which they committed suicide to get away from.
Suddenly they had a collective idea. (The collective in Earth Trek is called McEnroe and consists of a small guy driving around in an even smaller car. His slogan is, "You will be subpoena'd!" Because of him, the show's ratings did an ear dive, which is more painful than a nose dive but nobody nose the difference.)
Since no one would accept a bunch of parallel universe's beings, many of whom had names like Fred, Jill and Robert (which were considered totally uncool... I mean come on, there wasn't a Q, X or Z in them!), as posting on a forum on the fabled Earth from whence all the treks and wars appeared on their Visiontels, they decided to pretend they were some guy.
Unfortunately, after much deliberation over a bowl of Japanese Alphabet soup, mostly over what it said, they decided to call him Zoom and give him a backstory with his own sucky customers, coworkers and managers going back 20 years ad nauseum et ad disgustibus. (Which was not what the soup said.)
Now all that remains is for this fictional being named Zoom to actually commit the Acts of Infinite Monkeys and produce the works of Shakespeare, if Shakespeare had been a checker. The main problem with this, besides the fact that the parallel beings miss their parallel world (their parallelents never send them parallelograms), is that titles like "The Tragedy of Dustbin and Mop" or "The Mirthful Comedy of Check Acceptance", or even "King Asshole the Eighth, Part Threeth" would never see the light of day anyway, since they don't have enough typewriters.
Also he looks like his WoW character before he started wearing the stroppy helmet O' death which makes him look like a radiator (starring Russell Crowe).
One day they stumbled across an online forum titled "Customers SUCK!" This was news to them. Some of them had been customers in a previous life and were vaguely offended, especially as they now had to remember their previous life which they committed suicide to get away from.
Suddenly they had a collective idea. (The collective in Earth Trek is called McEnroe and consists of a small guy driving around in an even smaller car. His slogan is, "You will be subpoena'd!" Because of him, the show's ratings did an ear dive, which is more painful than a nose dive but nobody nose the difference.)
Since no one would accept a bunch of parallel universe's beings, many of whom had names like Fred, Jill and Robert (which were considered totally uncool... I mean come on, there wasn't a Q, X or Z in them!), as posting on a forum on the fabled Earth from whence all the treks and wars appeared on their Visiontels, they decided to pretend they were some guy.
Unfortunately, after much deliberation over a bowl of Japanese Alphabet soup, mostly over what it said, they decided to call him Zoom and give him a backstory with his own sucky customers, coworkers and managers going back 20 years ad nauseum et ad disgustibus. (Which was not what the soup said.)
Now all that remains is for this fictional being named Zoom to actually commit the Acts of Infinite Monkeys and produce the works of Shakespeare, if Shakespeare had been a checker. The main problem with this, besides the fact that the parallel beings miss their parallel world (their parallelents never send them parallelograms), is that titles like "The Tragedy of Dustbin and Mop" or "The Mirthful Comedy of Check Acceptance", or even "King Asshole the Eighth, Part Threeth" would never see the light of day anyway, since they don't have enough typewriters.
Also he looks like his WoW character before he started wearing the stroppy helmet O' death which makes him look like a radiator (starring Russell Crowe).
.
Comment