Daily, mundane burps.

[notalwaysright]

These are not actual sucky customers, more “failure to launch” in the thinking department, if you follow me. I just get them really a lot. So that’s why I put them here, in the Burp section, they are more amusing than truly irritating. Some are things we've probably all done at some point. Feel free to add to the list~

It was in my blind spot!

• Yes, we do have price checkers. We’ve had them for about 10 months. There are three of them and they have giant signs which are highly visible.
  
• Yes, we have ornaments. You walked past them to get to me. The first 4-5 aisles of the store are Christmas.
  
• The bathroom is directly behind you.

Because math.

• Circumference equals pie r squared. Yes, it does. No, you really do need that much trim. Okay, I’ll sell you less, but it won’t be enough.
  
• A yard is not a meter, it is smaller. I can sell you a meter, which is 40” (it’s 39 point something, so we round up). Yes, I can do that. How? Well, I type 1.111 (one yard four inches) into my handheld. Then 1.111 is multiplied by the price per yard. Maybe I’m not explaining it well. Let me show you on your cutting slip. No, it won’t say meter. Because we still price per yard. Yes, you bought a meter. (Serious, I don’t know how to explain this better, I am open to suggestions)
  
• We don’t do square yards. We do linear yards. Don’t give me a look because I can’t automatically figure how much fabric you need when all your measurements are in square yards.

More math. Aka: at least you’re trying.

• *customer points at yardstick* Is this a yard? Yes. It is a yard.
  
• .25 equals a quarter of a yard.
  
• There are no “regular sized” windows. I know some commonly sold sizes of pre-made curtains. But I will absolutely not guess and randomly sell you fabric.
  
• How much fabric should you buy to make a queen sized quilt? Um, we have tons of patterns, you don’t have to buy the pattern, just take a peak at the yardage. Please do that. No, don’t repeat the question with the word “simple” in front of quilt. It doesn’t work that way.

Speak friend and enter.

• Uh-oh, you’re walking really fast, I wonder if you’re going to try to come in… Yup. Now you’re glaring at the doors. Maybe turn your head slightly to the right. The store hours are posted there. Oh, you’re reading our holiday hours, which are posted to the left. But… It’s not a holiday. We only have special hours on Christmas Eve, New Year’s, etc. I know having our regular hours and our holiday hours on different sides might cause a slight hiccup, but the doors not opening should be a clue here.
  
• Hey, you’re distracted talking on your cell phone, are you going to nearly walk into our doors? Again, yup!
  
• We open at 9. Nope, the company chose not to open early this year. *repeat half a dozen times per day* Honestly, we got hardly any shoppers during that extra hour, and now everyone is butt hurt about not opening until 9?

[RealUnimportant]

I really don't get why they'd think square yardage would be enough... if your rolls are 3 yards wide (for example) and their measurements say 8 square yards, you could cut off a 3 yard long section but still be a yard short because they actually need 2x4.

[OneMoreTime]

I always thought the area of a circle was pi r squared.

[dalesys]

I always thought the area of a circle was pi r squared.

Pie are round. Cornbread are square. Cake is lie.

[notalwaysright]

Arg, I mean, circumference equals 2 pie r. Or, as most people measure the diameter, circumference equals pie times diameter. But say someone has an 18" round pillow they want to add trim to. They would need about 57", or about 1.667 yards. That's rounded to 60 inches, you need a little to overlap so they edges don't show. But people are like "nooo, that's tooooo much!" I go through the same thing with square pillows. If you have an 18" pillow, you need two yards to go around it.

[MoonCat]

Can't do circumference. Nope. Foreign language. Give me a pie or a pizza and I'll cut it in half, then in quarters, there, we're done. That's the extent of my circumference knowledge

Haha, "regular" sized windows. No such animal. My kitchen windows need curtains that measure 30 inches from the curtain rod. Standard sizes for kitchen curtains are 24 inches (too short, looks stupid) or 36 inches (way too long, looks even more stupid). Luckily I can find 30 inch curtains online. So "standard" probably means "most common" but in older houses, you often find windows that need longer curtains. Even I can work a measuring tape, and I'd be sure to measure several times if I wanted to buy fabric to make curtains.

[KuariKaydrith]

Here in Newfoundland, if you live in an older house you are pretty much guaranteed to have windows that are nowhere near standard. Unless the owner decides to upgrade to modern window dimensions you are pretty much screwed for using 'standard' size curtains for any of the rooms. Many homeowners of the older houses do not want to change the windows as that is part of the character of the house so they order custom-made windows to fit.

I remember once during my days working in a fabric store I was dealing with a restaurant owner who got the bright idea of using fabric to cover the restaurant ceiling with fabric. I did the math for him and advised him of how much he would need to buy in order to get the effect he wanted....he argued with me and ended up buying about half of what I had recommended. Later he came back with his tail between his legs to buy the rest of what he needed. I just *love* it when customers think they know more than us, even though it's our job to know this stuff.

[notalwaysright]

I'm adding another. First I have to describe the way are registers are set up. There is a queuing line. Then, against the wall there are seven registers. Across from those registers is one more register. It is on the other side of the queuing line wall. Managers use this register, or the lead cashier. It's called the customer service register, though customers don't know this.

Anyways, the burp is that the cashier on the lone register pretty much has to jump up and down, clap their hands and whistle before anyone notices their existence.

[XCashier]

Anyways, the burp is that the cashier on the lone register pretty much has to jump up and down, clap their hands and whistle before anyone notices their existence.

Yep, we have a similar set-up. Six on one side, two on the other, and the cashiers on the two side have to do all sorts of things to get the next customer's attention, including calling multiple times because the customers can't be bothered to pay attention.

[Ironclad Alibi]

Can't do circumference. Nope. Foreign language.

Then you simple must learn more about it. Click on circumfence and you can become very knowledgeable, just like the rest of us.

[dalesys]

... circumfence and you can become very knowledgeable, just like the rest of us.

Isn't that the last grasp?

[chimera]

For the math category -

"How much do I need..." questions, period. Do you really want to risk trusting my guesstimate? But if they don't care enough to do their homework before coming to buy supplies, I really don't, either.

"Why is it this much?/Is this right?" Granted, the cutting table tickets can be tricky to decipher because the sale price, sale price per yard and regular price per yard are stacked on top of each other. I'll see customers squint at the ticket as they walk away then turn right around and come back. Cue the above question. "It's regularly x per yard, but went down to y and you got z yards, so it costs zy instead of zx." "Ohh..." Yes, people, you buy more than one yard of something and it costs more!

Clueless category:
(pointing to the price sticker on a bolt of fabric) "Is this the price for the bolt or by the yard?" Yep, fabric is expensive.

[notalwaysright]

"How much do I need..." questions, period. Do you really want to risk trusting my guesstimate? But if they don't care enough to do their homework before coming to buy supplies, I really don't, either.

Serious. Also, if it's so easy, then you figure it out. Yes I work with numbers and measurements all day, so you think I can estimate. But when you give me literally no information, I will give you back no information. Meaning "well, it can vary a lot and I can't really tell without measurements."

"Why is it this much?/Is this right?" Granted, the cutting table tickets can be tricky to decipher because the sale price, sale price per yard and regular price per yard are stacked on top of each other. I'll see customers squint at the ticket as they walk away then turn right around and come back. Cue the above question. "It's regularly x per yard, but went down to y and you got z yards, so it costs zy instead of zx." "Ohh..." Yes, people, you buy more than one yard of something and it costs more!

Gah, yesssss. It is very baffling when someone wants a yard and a half and get upset over the price. Like, it was $5 a yard. You got 1.5 yards. So the total is higher than $5, it's $7.50.

Adding some now.

No, we don't carry toy squeakers. Yes, many toys are made with them, and I guess you think it's really common, although I've never needed to buy one. Whatever the item, just saying it like "but it's a basic item!" doesn't make us magically carry it.

Don't tell me that you don't like some policy, or what we do or don't carry. Standing there telling me about it did NOTHING but waste both of our times.