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Chinese Grandma is All of the Awesome

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  • #1

    Chinese Grandma is All of the Awesome

    Bit of a brain burp on her part, but she meant well. I've been sitting on this one for a while, mainly because I keep forgetting to post it.

    So, a little old Asian lady came into my store way back when I was working from end. She had her two mid-twenties looking grandchildren with her, and we were chatting pleasantly as I helped them with a return. Grandma was looking at me kind of weird, and not saying much. Nearly lost my shit laughing when she did speak though.

    Her: *Stares intently at my head (shaved for fundraiser).* "You a boy or a girl?"
    Me: "I'm a girl ma'am."
    Grandkids: "Grandma!"
    Her" What?! She can be boy if she want to! You got boyfriend? You the lesbians?"
    Me:*Trying not to laugh.*
    Granddaughter: "Grandma, you're being rude!"
    Grandma: "What, she can be the lesbians if she want! I have beautiful granddaughter! She pretty, she date my granddaughter! Your sister need girlfriend!This not China, nobody gonna arrest me, I can say what I like."
    Me: "Thank you ma'am, but I have a boyfriend."
    Her: "Oh, fine fine. He handsome?"
    Me: "I think so."
    Her: "Ah well, maybe next time. You tell me if you change your mind, I have beautiful granddaughter!" *Wanders off out to the entrance way.*
    Grandson: "Oh god, I'm so sorry, she's very, very blunt."
    Me: *No worries, that was awesome. Your grandma's great."
    Grandma, out of sight from entrance way: "Damn right I'm great! Still hear good too!"

    Cue me having to excuse myself after they leave so I can go laugh my ass off.

    Grandma still comes in sometimes, and gives me tips on how to manage my garden. She still sometimes checks to see if I'm a lesbian yet.
    Patient has severely impacted cranial rectosis. There's probably no cure. - Overheard in ER
    Tags: None
  • #2
    WAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHA I love it! Oh man that was brilliant!

    (PS isn't it awesome how much money you save on hair products after you shave your head? I shaved mine three years ago for a cancer fund raiser).
    The report button - not just for decoration

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    • #3
      Quoth iradney View Post
      (PS isn't it awesome how much money you save on hair products after you shave your head? I shaved mine three years ago for a cancer fund raiser).
      Except I spend that money now on razors.

      And since I started growing out my beard and having to color it more frequently, I'm spending money on shampoo and conditioner again for the first time in like 3 years.
      PWNADE(TM) - Serve up a glass today! | PWNZER - An act of pwnage so awesome, it's like the victim got hit by a tank.

      There are only Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because I choose to walk!

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      • #4
        So much less shampoo on my part. I have a bit of a problem with my hair though, in the fact that it grows really, really fast. I did the World's Greatest Shave in March (second year running) and it's already four inches long again. It's grown out a patchy sort of ginger in places too, and normally I'm dirty blonde.

        But yeah, she's a great customer. Always has advise for growing my rose bushes.
        Patient has severely impacted cranial rectosis. There's probably no cure. - Overheard in ER

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        • #5
          One of my dad's Chinese friends, when he was in Beijing 10-15 years ago asked him about the Mormon God Father.

          (he learned enough Mandarin to communicate and Junji (who tutored him in Salt Lake), Beipei and their daughters are considered as his infolded daughter and son-in-law) They are part of our family.
          I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
          Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
          Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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          • #6
            LMAO that is funny. Thanks for sharing.

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            • #7
              OMG that is hysterical
              "I am quite confident that I do exist."
              "Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up." The Doctor

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              • #8
                I agree, Grandma is awesome! (Love the bit at the end--"Still hear good too!")

                A friend of mine once wrote up her experience about shaving her head. Good read, I think:
                http://www.webfoot.com/advice/shave.head.php
                “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged.
                One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world.
                The other, of course, involves orcs." -- John Rogers

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                • #9
                  Quoth Latekin View Post

                  Grandma still comes in sometimes, and gives me tips on how to manage my garden.
                  Is this a euphemism?

                  ...
                  She still sometimes checks to see if I'm a lesbian yet.
                  Ah that explains it
                  The Copyright Monster has made me tell you that my avatar is courtesy of the wonderful Alice XZ.And you don't want to annoy the Copyright Monster.

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                  • #10
                    I love it. Wish she lived next door to me
                    When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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                    • #11
                      Quoth Kit-Ginevra View Post
                      Is this a euphemism?

                      ... Ah that explains it
                      Lol, she has a rose garden at home, and she likes to give me tips on how to grow roses properly. (Such as "bury your teabags in the rose bed, it will help them grow.")
                      Patient has severely impacted cranial rectosis. There's probably no cure. - Overheard in ER

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                      • #12
                        Quoth Nunavut Pants View Post
                        I agree, Grandma is awesome! (Love the bit at the end--"Still hear good too!")
                        I wish she was my grandmother.

                        Quoth Nunavut Pants View Post
                        A friend of mine once wrote up her experience about shaving her head. Good read, I think:
                        http://www.webfoot.com/advice/shave.head.php
                        One of my aunts shaved her head back in the 80's... but she did it to prank the family. Her husband filmed her grand reveal at a family party (Christmas, I think) and sent the tape to America's Home Videos. They still use it sometimes in their montages -- look for the woman who yanks her wig off.
                        Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you speak with the Fraud department. -- CrazedClerkthe2nd
                        OW! Rolled my eyes too hard, saw my brain. -- Seanette
                        she seems to top me in crazy, and I'm enough crazy for my family. -- Cooper
                        Yes, I am evil. What's your point? -- Jester

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                        • #13
                          I'd step over other customers to help her.
                          AkaiKitsune
                          Sarcasm dear, sarcasm. I’m well aware that dealing with civilians in any capacity will skin your faith in humanity alive, then pickle anything that remains so as to watch it shrivel up into an immortal husk thus reminding you of how dead inside you now are.

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                          • #14
                            I wish my grandma was half as cool as this woman is.
                            Unseen but seeing
                            oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
                            There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
                            3rd shift needs love, too
                            RIP, mo bhrionglóid

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                            • #15
                              Ditto. I'd make all the SCs wait, and then let her tell them off (I know she would say what I can't).
                              "I am quite confident that I do exist."
                              "Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up." The Doctor

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