Stupid questions

[fireheart]

Share your stories of customers who have asked you stupid questions. And I can back some of these up, but the majority are just plain dumb.

"Excuse me, do you work here?" (when I'm in uniform, doesn't matter if I'm on or off the clock)
"are you open?" (when it's obvious, not when I'm about to close)
"Where is the soda water?" (They're standing right behind it)
"Where's the OK button?" (on the pinpad, after I've done my little EFTPOS spiel. The button actually says enter, but come on-it's green, it's big, of course you hit it!)
"I can't find the parmesan cheese!" Me: "Did you look in the cheese fridge?" C: "Yes, but I can't find it."Me:
"Do you do <competitor loyalty program>?" (This loyalty program is based around our competition supermarket and department stores.)
"Can I pay my credit card bill here?" (I used to work for the competition, which lets customers pay their store credit card bill within the store. We don't)
"Where are your newspapers?" (right in front of them)
"Where are your cigarettes?" (they walked past them)
And my favourite question of all is...

"How do you know if your boyfriend is good if you don't change him every week?" (said by a customer to me. I cracked up laughing at that point.)

[nomorecarts]

I get customers pissy about having to go to a specific register to buy tobacco. sorry, we have cashiers that are as young as 16 years old. I am 17, I can not sell tabacco. even if I could policy(is it law?) clearly states that we can only sell cigarettes at specific registers. they are express lanes, so no, you can't take your 100 item order there, yes, you do have to wait in 2 lines, but tobacco is a big thing to get fined for, and we'd rather piss you off than the BATF(Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms) since we're trying to get a liquor license, tobacco sells well, and firearms are a major source of our revenue as well. also, if you find a store where cashiers from random registers can go get you your smokes you have a time machine

[Difdi]

"This flashlight burned out, and ever since I changed the battery, it doesn't work!"

(not exactly a stupid question, but the flashlight the above was referring to was one of the rechargeable models with a non-removable battery; One of the kind you slip the entire flashlight into a recharging stand -- The idiot had ripped the old battery out and tried to replace it with D cells)

[dizzy_starshine]

My favourites at the moment

"Would you like a bag?" "Yes if you have one"

"What's the difference between the nasal spray and the hand foam?"

[Amina516]

"What's the difference between the nasal spray and the hand foam?"

Id like to see someone try and squirt the hand foam in their nose..

[Sparky]

All time stupidest question (which I've mentioned here before) from when I was a bus driver:

Are the busses running today?

Not a stupid question in itself, but he asked it when I pulled the bus up and opened the door for him.

Second stupidest:

Is this my bus?

How would I know where you're going?

[crazylegs]

Why can't I park here?

Now this seems like a reasonable question, there were no yellow lines, nor were they infact infront of a drop kerb (obstruction), there were however parked on a roundabout, which changed things ever so slightly.

Do you carry a gun?

Lets look at this question, now lets look at me. Can you see a firearm? Can you see anything vaugly resembling a firearm? No? Right then.

Why are you so tall?

It's my superpower, I had radioactive waste pass my back door every day while I was growing up, I got the short straw. My sister can fly.

What would you do if I hit you?

Suprisingly I get asked this a lot for some reason, I generally don't dignify it with a response.

Do you get paid?

No I work 10hr shifts, six days in a row for the hell of it, in fact I don't need a paying job as the magic pixies pay all my bills, so I'm grand ta.

[Diablo]

Here are some of the wonderful things I was asked while working at a small marina. How small was it? My boss and his family lived on site, half of the time I was paid in beer and gas, and I was literally allowed to say or do whatever I wanted thanks to a boss that literally treated me like a son after I got out of the military. I really miss working there. My responses are in bold

"Do you sell gas here?" While I am standing on a dock, next to a boat, that I had just finished filling up. "Nope, its yogurt ma'am."

"Do people catch fish out on the water?" "No sir. Just a lot of people with denial and $20K worth of fishing gear" Normally I wouldn't smart off for a question like this but this guy got special kudos because this clown actually asked this while standing in the middle of a fishing tournament weigh in.

"Do you have any other bathrooms beside the 'Port-a-John" "Yeah an outhouse that has since sunk in on itself. Let me fetch a rope to tie your waist off to the nearest tree before you pop a squat. Wouldn't want ya to find the bottom"

"So this honor system with the launch fees...you guys don't expect your money..huh?" During the week, our store is closed and people just slip there money into a locked box at the launch. "Yeah, and you don't expect your tires slashed and your trailer moved into our impound lot." Seriously who asks that question to a guy with a chainsaw. This tool literally stopped me while cutting up a fallen tree in the parking lot to ask if it was okay to screw my boss over.

"Is that a tattoo?" I have a very unique tattoo on my arm that usually gets a lot of laughs. "No, its sharpie. I haven't had the nerve to get it done for real."

"You work here?" "Nah, I'm just replacing the interior to this boat because I saw it was messed up and I got OCD. I hope the owners like the color!!!"

"Hey I tried to get a hold of B (My boss) but he hasn't returned my calls so I'm just going to leave my boat here." "Sweet, I always need parts. Take whatever you want to keep and I'll give $100 for scrap rights....Oh wait, your a jackass and expect me and B to drop everything to fix your shit " After about 2 seconds of him just staring at me, I guess waiting for me to drop everything to fix his boat "Get the fuck off the property, take your shitty boat, and if you show up here again, I'm calling to the cops". I assumed that my boss was ducking him for a reason. Turns out we still have a Johnson outboard of his due to lack of payment. This clown literally thought that if he left his boat there, I would be dumb enough to just reattach the motor and he would all sneaky like, come back and steal his boat back. Meth heads do not out smart me!!!

After I catch a guy pouring an oil pan of black oil off the launch and into the lake "Its okay, I know B" This phrase seems to come out of every jackass mouth up at the marina. "I'd tell you to stop but this is something B would want to handle." 10 seconds later, B is running down the hill from his house with his .22 riffle and two hunting dogs. Extra points for this clown calling the local sheriff on B for threatening him with a gun. Sheriff is B's nephew. Welcome to the Susquehanna Justice. If he thought we were assholes, I can't imagine what he thought when he got his dumping fine from the fish and wildlife people. The lake is the drinking water for a number of municipalities you ass!!!

"You guys need to do something about this debris in the water. What are we paying these launch fees for" We are upstream of a dam on a major water way that feeds into the Chesapeake Bay. After a very big storm, and this was right after a huge one, the debris can consist of full size trees along with garbage from four or five states. I am talking about tons of trees, logs, and garbage. The power company has to use a massive crane to lift and remove the stuff to prevent damage to the dam. On this day we were warning people not to go out and we were not taking launch fees. The launch fee itself pays for the road tax, nothing more hence it is only $10. "Well ma'am, shit...I have no way of given a smartass response. You've done it...I am dumbfounded." She continued to explain that me and the other pump jockey should haul all the stuff out of the lake and just burn it.

God, stupid people make life fun. Fast forward to my second day of classes....
"What kind of car do you drive?" I had never seen this person before in my life other than the first day he sat in front of me. "A pickup truck."
"Sweat you can help me move"
"What?!?! No way in hell. I don't even know you. I'm not dropping everything to help you move. I don't even know your name"
"Can I borrow your truck?"
"Who the fuck do you think you are? Help you move? Are you fucking insane? Go fuck your self. No wait, turn around and then go fuck yourself." Noticing that a number of people had started to stare at me for using the f word. "Hey, I got to nip this shit in the bud. Ya'll turn around too."

[nomorecarts]

Do you carry a gun?

how 'bout just "none of your business"?

seriously, that's for you to know and them to.... well, not know

[crazylegs]

how 'bout just "none of your business"?

seriously, that's for you to know and them to.... well, not know

Sorry,

It would appear this requires context

I'm in the UK and have a job which people assume is armed (but obviously isn't), I get the question asked while working and working only...

[nomorecarts]

it's better if people think you're carrying concealed, even if you aren't, they won't be as likely to try anything

[Broomjockey]

it's better if people think you're carrying concealed, even if you aren't, they won't be as likely to try anything

Except in his line of work, where he lives, that's really, really not allowed.

[crazylegs]

it's better if people think you're carrying concealed, even if you aren't, they won't be as likely to try anything

PM me please...

[Slytovhand]

"Ok, can you just tell me my account balance?"

Now, obviously, on the outside, this might seem a perfectly innocuous question.

However, since it been preceded by:

Customer - I'll give you my account number.
Me - Sorry, but we don't have access to the accounts database after 10pm.
C - oh, ok. Well, I just want to change my vehicle.
Me - As I said, we don't have access to the accounts database.


And as every servo worker will know...
"Why is the price of petrol so high?" or "When's the price coming back down?". I mean, seriously, why should we have any ideas???

[Kiwi]

from the craft store

why cant I dye my 100% polyester top/curtains/anything

1. dying polyester uses some serious chemicals and people who dye in their bathtub at home would kill themselves if they went anywhere near them....
2. your in a sence dying a form of acrylic.... you know plastic have you ever tried painting plastic

why cant I have a free sample of your $150 a metre diamante chain

because if I cut off a 5 cm sample it would still cost the store over $7 in lost sales....

from the gift store

why cant I have my 75% off clearance item gift wrapped for free

hrrrmmmm gee I wonder, theres no mark up left on the product so we would be paying for the gift wrapping and last I checked.... this was a STORE open for making MONEY not giving it away

from the shipping company

are you the post office? (seriously we got that at LEAST twice a day and the office was located on the third floor of a private office block with a train station underneath it what in hells mercy made you think we were the post office?)