Funniest Thing A Customer Ever Said To You?

[calulu]

I know you've probably heard them all and had to bite your lip to keep from laughing in their faces. Spill!

Last night I had a doozy I had to put on mute to laugh over..

Me: "And I'll need your credit card number, sir"
Confused male customer: "But.. but I'm not wearing any pants!"

[Rappunzill]

It's the denials that always get me.
"I'm sorry, we're closed." "No you're not!"
"I'll need the receipt for that." "No you don't!"
"I need this by (deadline)." "No you don't!"
I invariably double take, then almost laugh out loud. Did they think I made up these rules for fun??

[calulu]

Today's was a nice guy from Utah ordering anniversary roses for his wife by whispers from the bathroom. She started pounding on the door demanding to know what he was doing in there and he screamed, "I'm taking a dump in here. Leave me alone."

[AnaKhouri]

Once, shortly after Kill Bill was released, a CW and I were standing at the register during a slow period, discussing the films. A customer came up, we broke off the conversation, and I checked him out. Once the transaction was complete, he stood for a while, rearranging his wallet (we had no other customers) so me and CW continued our conversation. I mentioned my husband thinks Uma Thurman is very attractive, but I don't see it. Then the customer looked up and said, "Uma Thurman is ugly as Hell. Makeup is her best friend!"

And he turned and ran out of the store.

The way he said it was the really funny part, it was like he'd been waiting his entire life for an opening to say that, and we finally provided him with one!

[jjllbb]

Me: And may I have your address please?
Customer: Taco Bell.
Me:....
Me:...I'm sorry, I need your home address.
Customer: Taco Bell.
Me:.....You..live......at Taco Bell?
Customer: Yes.
Me:...Okay...and where is your Taco Bell?
Customer: Main Street.
Me: Okay, what number on Main Street?
Customer: I don't know.

[WhiteRose]

...well, at least he gets free tacos...

[Chromatix]

Sounds like a case of "no fixed abode"...

[evilone]

grand theft hi-lo

Me: working in the garden center at the time, full uniform + store hat. driving the store fork lift.

Dumb broad: Do you work here?

Me: No I'm stealing this.

[Mel]

(at a Dollarama)

Customer: How much does this cost?
Me: A dollar.
Cus: ...and this?
Me: That's a dollar as well, everything's a dollar.

This convo also happened a few times between my boyfriend and I when he first visited Canada. He would have to catch himself a few times before asking, and say "Oh yeah...a dollar...hehe".

To be fair, a lot of things there are 2 for a dollar, 3 for a dollar, etc...but come on, nothing can be over a dollar, so why ask for each thing?? If I shopped there, I'd just assume everything was 1 dollar, and then I'd be pleasantly surprised when my bill was lower.

Also, after having so many items at 2 or more for a dollar, some SC complained when things were 1 dollar for 1 item. Excuse me, this is Dollarama we're talking about here, it's not "Store where everything is less than a dollar"!

I have to say though, they recently started selling some items at more than a dollar, like $1.25, or 1.50, and even 2.00. Sheesh, is nothing sacred anymore?

[dalesys]

(at a Dollarama)
...
I have to say though, they recently started selling some items at more than a dollar, like $1.25, or 1.50, and even 2.00. Sheesh, is nothing sacred anymore?

I remember when Woolworth's was 5¢ & 10¢...

[LillFilly]

Me: No I'm stealing this.

Well, I once pulled-up to a truck and saw a young guy wearing woman's panties and a bra run around the front and into the cab and take-off! Haven't figured that one out yet.

Funniest thing ever said; "If I'm banned, I can still come here right?"

[EricKei]

I have to say though, they recently started selling some items at more than a dollar, like $1.25, or 1.50, and even 2.00. Sheesh, is nothing sacred anymore?

The local "dollar store" does have some items like that -- but 90+% of everything IS a buck or less. Even so, anything that isn't is tagged quite clearly.

[Chromatix]

It's called inflation - eventually they'll run out of things they can actually get for a dollar. :-(

That's one big reason why I'm in favour of a hard currency. I hate inflation.

[gaspode]

I was asked one day by a customer "where is the drinking milk?"(as opposed to the milk you smear over your genitals I presume?)

[EricKei]

I was asked one day by a customer "where is the drinking milk?"

I have the same reaction when people ask me for an "ink pen"

...as opposed to...

They make pens that don't use INK nowadays?