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the conversation that ate my brain

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  • the conversation that ate my brain

    This happened this afternoon, one I've been snarking about all evening to my coworkers and family
    To set the stage, I work in the deli. When the customer approached, we were standing at the Boar's Head case (Boar's Head is a high-end brand of deli meats and cheeses) So the BH products are directly in front of her nose, and behind me, high on the wall is a BH ad-board, listing all the varieties and prices. Sucky Mother and Silent Daughter approach and I ask how I can help them. The following conversation ensues.

    SM:" I want you to show me the Boar's Head turkey."
    (I unwrap and show her the "Oven Gold", which is the plain roasted turkey)
    Me: "This is the plain one..."
    SM: "What do you mean when you say PLAIN?? As in, like, you mean there are OTHER kinds??"
    (Remember, glass case under her nose, ALL the products displayed. Giant sign behind me, all the products listed)
    Me: (I turn and gesture at the sign and read it to her) "Well, there's the Maple Honey Coated, the Saulsalito, Black Forest, the Peppermill....."
    SM: "Show me the Black Forest."
    (I look, we have none opened, so I pluck an unopened one from the case in front of her nose, which says, in pretty, fancy, black letters: Black Forest Turkey)
    Me: "We don't have one opened yet..."
    SM: "Oh that looks good, I'll take it."
    (HUH?? The wrapper tells you it looks good? I dont get it! But I slice her up her half pound and ask "Anything else today?"
    SM: "Do you have Boar's Head chicken?"
    Me: (Not wanting a repeat of the above conversation) "Yup, we have plain, buffalo, and barbeque."
    SM: "Oh Buffalo Barbeque sounds goods"
    Me: "Well, there's buffalo, AND there's barbeque"
    SM "Yeah, Buffalo Barbeque!"
    Me
    Me "There's the Plain, The Barbeque, AND the Buffalo."
    SM: "Buffalo Barbeque?" (said in an almost pleading tone, like "Oh Please let there be a buffalo-barbeque!"
    Me: (about to lose it): "No, there's Plain- Comma- Buffalo- Comma- and Barbeque. Three different kinds. (Yes I said "comma")"
    SM: "Ok, then, the Buffalo. But I only want 4 slices"

  • #2
    I know you have to wrap them separately, which is too bad. If you were able to smoosh them all together in one package she coulda had her buffalo-bbq-black forest extravaganza. hey, that's a whole new flavour!

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    • #3
      I overheard this woman berating a deli worker the other day over how her cheese was wrapped.
      SC = The usual
      DW = Deli Worker
      Me = Me

      SC (like she was talking to an exceptionally stupid child): I said I wanted the cheese wrapped with paper between each slice.
      DW (looking at the carefully partitioned pile of cheese in her hand): Uhm, I did put paper between each layer.
      SC (still obnoxious): No, you didn't.
      -- Now, I can see the package of cheese. The DW had laid two slices side-by-side (but not touching) on a sheet of deli paper, folded it over, laid another two on top, laid down another sheet of paper... you get the picture. Every slice was separated from every other slice without wasting too much paper or adding too much weight to the total. --
      DW (now sounding confused): Ma'am, there's paper between each slice, just like you asked.
      SC: Noooo, there isn't. I want paper between each slice! You did it wrong. Do it over.
      Me (seeing an opening): 'Scuze me, ma'am, but what cheese did you get?
      SC: A pound of thin-cut Havarti. I swear, if you don't get each piece on its own paper, it just dries right up the minute you open the bag. I used to work at a deli, I know.
      Me: Yeah... riiiight. (smiling at the DW, who is flustered because they aren't allowed to resell the cut cheese and is going to have to recut the whole order rather than muck around with repacking what's in her hand): I'll take that one. It's wrapped just right for me.
      SC: Hey! That was my cheese!
      DW (with an appreciative grin hands me the cheese): Here you go. (looking @ SC) You told me you didn't want that order, so it's not yours.

      At that point, the DW turns away to start cutting the Harvati again and packaging it to the SW's nit-picky order. Before she did, though, I got one more smile as she called a coworker to come help me rather than make me wait.

      That was over a week ago. I just finished the cheese last night, and it was still as soft as it was the day I bought it.
      Sorry, my cow died so I don't need your bull

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      • #4
        Mmm, Harvarti! I like the dill one, myself. Grandmother got me hooked and at our grocer - local so-cal one - it's currently 4.99 a pound as cheese of the month. >_> Yummy and cheap.
        People are dunderheaded fools. I weep that Darwin's Natural Selection is frowned upon.

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        • #5
          [QUOTE=EvilEmpryss;610624]I overheard this woman berating a deli worker the other day over how her cheese was wrapped.

          OMG, I've dealt with this same woman in many forms!
          The "I want it layered, like stairs" (variation, "with paper between each slice") woman is my least favorite. Unfortunately,a lb of cheese is roughly 20-24 slices; I can't build them a never ending stairway, invariably I have to make a second layer, usually causing the customer to freak.
          The deli is such a fun place to work.

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          • #6
            I don't usually get my cheese separated at all (I'm a big girl, I can pull the slices apart without killing trees in the process), but getting a jab in at an obnoxious person was just too good to pass up!
            Sorry, my cow died so I don't need your bull

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            • #7
              Oof. I used to work Deli at a fancy-schmancy local grocery store. It was utter hell. Those who are still there, I salute you
              "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
              "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
              "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
              "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
              "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
              "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
              Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
              "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

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