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Right now, I'm just... amazed. Fiesta's still going on, and with a couple of free concerts going on downtown, we're suffering as far as customers go. I'm not so upset about that, but the ones that did show up last night... most of them were okay. There were a couple, though...
Me: Oh, Mr. Jagermeister, you're my only friend...
SC: ...and these guys are the reason why.
Wow. No road trip for you.
R, a long-time friend of mine, is trying to give directions to a friend of hers from Austin. This guy started his trip the right way: he was going down I-35S and was about to hit the exit he needed to take to make the three turns to get to us, so she gives him the directions to get here.
She comes out a minute later, frustrated. He overshot his exit and ended up on the other side of downtown from us. Some of the spots he called from were... odd. My knowledge of downtown's streets suck as it is, so I wasn't of any help for the most part, but at one point, he was two blocks away on the right street and ended up overshooting us again.
Repeat this another five or so times, with R's impatience growing to a point where she jokingly asks me if murder is still illegal (I tell her is it, but at this point, the only way to go is a chainsaw and maniacal laughter), and finally, SC gets there. I had to duck into the bar to hide my facepalm.
Just for a beer, then gone.
Very short story: SC parks in no-parking zone. I ask her to move her car. SC tells me she's only going in for one beer. I say okay. She comes out an hour later. Oy.
I don't have a list. Really, look at that board. NO LIST.
(Usually I don't get the list of bands. I'm working on curing that right now, but it annoys me when I get the questions about the show.)
SC: Hey, who's playing tonight?
Me: We have the line-up at the other door. This entrance is just for the ground-floor bar.
SC: What's the cover for tonight?
Me: I don't have that info. I think it's $5 for adults, $8 for minors. They can tell you for sure at the other door.
SC: Well, can you find out for me?
Me: I can't leave this door unless I'm relieved.
SC: Where's the other door?
Me: (leans out my door and points to the other one) Right over there.
SC: Why can't you go over there and ask them?
Me:
SATURDAY EDIT!
Right now, I'm listening to nothing but angry music. I kinda need it after the levels of stupidity I had to deal with.
I know I said I'd edit this this afternoon when I finally recovered, but I need to vent very fucking badly right now.
We had a birthday show on the ground floor at the same time we had our normal show upstairs.
Me: I swear, I'm gonna kill someone one of these days.
SC: The intended targets.
CC: The ones who I hope will hold the SCs down.
C: Undecided as to what she is right now. Read below.
J: The owner of the bar.
D: The upstairs bartender.
K: The promoter. As an added bonus, he also acts as an ersatz bouncer for upstairs when we need it.
T: The door girl I covered for last week.
SBM: Yep, we had a Stupid Band Member tonight.
Yoink!
(T and I were talking outside. We notice immediately that what we thought was an SC snatch some wristbands from her table and run upstairs. T grabs him by the arm and shoves him towards me, and I complete what I think was his ejection by shoving him full-force out the door. He runs back in through my door and I chase after him, grabbing him by the bicep when I catch up to him.)
Me: What the fuck do you think you're doing?!
SBM: I'm with this band right here, the one that's about to set up right now.
Me: You don't do shit like that here!
SBM: Dude, I was just joking.
(I barely managed to control my temper at this point.)
Me: Listen, I'm going to let it go this time, but if you ever try to pull a stunt like that again, I will personally fucking ban you from this bar, you understand?!
SBM: Alright, alright.
(SBM slinks off and finishes setting up. J walks up to me and I explain what happened. He nods and pats me on the arm. Still seething, I go back to T.)
Me: He's one of the members from Second Downstairs Band.
T: Then why did he--
Me: He was trying to punk us. I told him point-blank not to do it again under threat of permanent ban.
(T facepalms.)
Me: I know.
I'm Going To Hell For This One
(The jury is still out on whether this was an SC or a CC. The C in this one is a small bisexual girl who's waiting on her friends when closing time came around. I noticed that she's... a little in the mood, and every time one of our more attractive female customers comes out, she leans outside my door making a low grabbing motion as the girl walks away. At one point, one of our regulars walks out, and I'll admit she's a good-looking girl. Her boyfriend is cool as hell, too.)
C: Daaaaaaaaamn, she's hot! You think she likes girls?
Me: She's straight.
C: Aw, that's ***! (I'm not typing it out in case of TOS violation, but it's pretty obvious what she thought.)
No Exceptions. Just Like Rule 34, Only SFW.
(A group of six CCs, with two SCs mixed in, walk up to my door. I ask for IDs loud enough for the group members in the back to hear me, and the CCs and SC1 offer them without question. The second SC, though... doesn't even have it. Walking around downtown during Fiesta without ID? The happy fuck?)
SC2: Uh... I don't have it.
Me: I can't let you in without ID. It's state law, and the cops are out in droves tonight.
SC2: I didn't think I'd need it, though!
(
)
SC1: Aw, come on! It's my birthday and I swear she won't drink anything!
Me: I can't do it. If the--
(SC1 starts tearing up. I swear it's a developed ability sometimes.)
SC1: But it's my birthdayyyyy! Come on, can't you let it go just this once?!
SC2: I swear I'm not gonna cause any trouble. Come on, can't you let me in just this once?
Me: And put you guys at risk for going to jail if we--
SC2: Okay, tell you what, go get the owner and let's see what he says.
(SC2, you read my mind! I go inside and get J, and explain things to him.)
J: Alright, here's what we can do. I'll let all of you go upstairs for free, but I'm marking SC2 as a minor. If we catch her with a drink in her hand, we're gonna have to run you guys outta here. Alright?
SC1: Oh, thank you! (repeats her birthday rant again)
Me: (Oh, Jesus...)
SC + CC1 + CC2 + Booze = ?
(SC, CC1 and CC2 all arrive at the same time. I go upstairs to check and see how things were, and from the looks of things, all three of them have some very pathetic alcohol tolerance. I pass word to D and K that the three of them were completely blitzed and that if they order alcohol again, get 'em downstairs. An hour goes by, and I get word from T that there's three guys on their way out.)
Me: Alright. I'll wait here for them. Who's bringing them down?
T: D and K. They should be down right now.
(Sure enough, here comes the parade. CC1 has a very enraged SC in a back bear hug, and SC looks pissed. CC2 is walking close behind them, with K and D leading them out. CC2 almost goes into our ground-floor bar, but I point him toward the door also. I help CC1 take SC outside, and CC2 apologizes for SC's behavior.)
CC2: Man, I'm sorry. I dunno what got into him.
(Enough booze to kill an elephant, maybe?)
CC2: Hey, we're getting thrown out, man. You be safe, vato, okay?
Me: Gotcha. You guys get home safe, too--
(The short of it: SC broke out of CC1's hold, the CCs manage to restrain him, and once they get across the street, SC and CC1 get into a shoving match while CC2 tries to keep everything under control. SC breaks off from the group and... falls to the ground. He starts crawling away from his friends.)
Me, K:
(Eventually, the group are out of visual range.
)
Me: Oh, Mr. Jagermeister, you're my only friend...
SC: ...and these guys are the reason why.
Wow. No road trip for you.
R, a long-time friend of mine, is trying to give directions to a friend of hers from Austin. This guy started his trip the right way: he was going down I-35S and was about to hit the exit he needed to take to make the three turns to get to us, so she gives him the directions to get here.
She comes out a minute later, frustrated. He overshot his exit and ended up on the other side of downtown from us. Some of the spots he called from were... odd. My knowledge of downtown's streets suck as it is, so I wasn't of any help for the most part, but at one point, he was two blocks away on the right street and ended up overshooting us again.
Repeat this another five or so times, with R's impatience growing to a point where she jokingly asks me if murder is still illegal (I tell her is it, but at this point, the only way to go is a chainsaw and maniacal laughter), and finally, SC gets there. I had to duck into the bar to hide my facepalm.
Just for a beer, then gone.
Very short story: SC parks in no-parking zone. I ask her to move her car. SC tells me she's only going in for one beer. I say okay. She comes out an hour later. Oy.
I don't have a list. Really, look at that board. NO LIST.
(Usually I don't get the list of bands. I'm working on curing that right now, but it annoys me when I get the questions about the show.)
SC: Hey, who's playing tonight?
Me: We have the line-up at the other door. This entrance is just for the ground-floor bar.
SC: What's the cover for tonight?
Me: I don't have that info. I think it's $5 for adults, $8 for minors. They can tell you for sure at the other door.
SC: Well, can you find out for me?
Me: I can't leave this door unless I'm relieved.
SC: Where's the other door?
Me: (leans out my door and points to the other one) Right over there.
SC: Why can't you go over there and ask them?
Me:
SATURDAY EDIT!
Right now, I'm listening to nothing but angry music. I kinda need it after the levels of stupidity I had to deal with.
I know I said I'd edit this this afternoon when I finally recovered, but I need to vent very fucking badly right now.
We had a birthday show on the ground floor at the same time we had our normal show upstairs.
Me: I swear, I'm gonna kill someone one of these days.
SC: The intended targets.
CC: The ones who I hope will hold the SCs down.
C: Undecided as to what she is right now. Read below.
J: The owner of the bar.
D: The upstairs bartender.
K: The promoter. As an added bonus, he also acts as an ersatz bouncer for upstairs when we need it.
T: The door girl I covered for last week.
SBM: Yep, we had a Stupid Band Member tonight.
Yoink!
(T and I were talking outside. We notice immediately that what we thought was an SC snatch some wristbands from her table and run upstairs. T grabs him by the arm and shoves him towards me, and I complete what I think was his ejection by shoving him full-force out the door. He runs back in through my door and I chase after him, grabbing him by the bicep when I catch up to him.)
Me: What the fuck do you think you're doing?!
SBM: I'm with this band right here, the one that's about to set up right now.
Me: You don't do shit like that here!
SBM: Dude, I was just joking.
(I barely managed to control my temper at this point.)
Me: Listen, I'm going to let it go this time, but if you ever try to pull a stunt like that again, I will personally fucking ban you from this bar, you understand?!
SBM: Alright, alright.
(SBM slinks off and finishes setting up. J walks up to me and I explain what happened. He nods and pats me on the arm. Still seething, I go back to T.)
Me: He's one of the members from Second Downstairs Band.
T: Then why did he--
Me: He was trying to punk us. I told him point-blank not to do it again under threat of permanent ban.
(T facepalms.)
Me: I know.
I'm Going To Hell For This One
(The jury is still out on whether this was an SC or a CC. The C in this one is a small bisexual girl who's waiting on her friends when closing time came around. I noticed that she's... a little in the mood, and every time one of our more attractive female customers comes out, she leans outside my door making a low grabbing motion as the girl walks away. At one point, one of our regulars walks out, and I'll admit she's a good-looking girl. Her boyfriend is cool as hell, too.)
C: Daaaaaaaaamn, she's hot! You think she likes girls?
Me: She's straight.
C: Aw, that's ***! (I'm not typing it out in case of TOS violation, but it's pretty obvious what she thought.)
No Exceptions. Just Like Rule 34, Only SFW.
(A group of six CCs, with two SCs mixed in, walk up to my door. I ask for IDs loud enough for the group members in the back to hear me, and the CCs and SC1 offer them without question. The second SC, though... doesn't even have it. Walking around downtown during Fiesta without ID? The happy fuck?)
SC2: Uh... I don't have it.
Me: I can't let you in without ID. It's state law, and the cops are out in droves tonight.
SC2: I didn't think I'd need it, though!
(
)SC1: Aw, come on! It's my birthday and I swear she won't drink anything!
Me: I can't do it. If the--
(SC1 starts tearing up. I swear it's a developed ability sometimes.)
SC1: But it's my birthdayyyyy! Come on, can't you let it go just this once?!
SC2: I swear I'm not gonna cause any trouble. Come on, can't you let me in just this once?
Me: And put you guys at risk for going to jail if we--
SC2: Okay, tell you what, go get the owner and let's see what he says.
(SC2, you read my mind! I go inside and get J, and explain things to him.)
J: Alright, here's what we can do. I'll let all of you go upstairs for free, but I'm marking SC2 as a minor. If we catch her with a drink in her hand, we're gonna have to run you guys outta here. Alright?
SC1: Oh, thank you! (repeats her birthday rant again)
Me: (Oh, Jesus...)
SC + CC1 + CC2 + Booze = ?
(SC, CC1 and CC2 all arrive at the same time. I go upstairs to check and see how things were, and from the looks of things, all three of them have some very pathetic alcohol tolerance. I pass word to D and K that the three of them were completely blitzed and that if they order alcohol again, get 'em downstairs. An hour goes by, and I get word from T that there's three guys on their way out.)
Me: Alright. I'll wait here for them. Who's bringing them down?
T: D and K. They should be down right now.
(Sure enough, here comes the parade. CC1 has a very enraged SC in a back bear hug, and SC looks pissed. CC2 is walking close behind them, with K and D leading them out. CC2 almost goes into our ground-floor bar, but I point him toward the door also. I help CC1 take SC outside, and CC2 apologizes for SC's behavior.)
CC2: Man, I'm sorry. I dunno what got into him.
(Enough booze to kill an elephant, maybe?)
CC2: Hey, we're getting thrown out, man. You be safe, vato, okay?
Me: Gotcha. You guys get home safe, too--
(The short of it: SC broke out of CC1's hold, the CCs manage to restrain him, and once they get across the street, SC and CC1 get into a shoving match while CC2 tries to keep everything under control. SC breaks off from the group and... falls to the ground. He starts crawling away from his friends.)
Me, K:
(Eventually, the group are out of visual range.
)
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