let me help you tune your gaydar

[greek_jester]

When my friend S came out to me, she just dropped it into the conversation we were having.

Most embarrassing coming out story ever, from the late '90s - this is important as I was still on dial-up.

I was in a private online chat room with a friend of mine who lives in London. We were chatting away, & she mentioned that she wanted to tell me something, but she was a bit nervous, as it had lost her friends. I told her, don't worry about it, as long as it's not illegal I'm not going to have a problem. So she tells me, 'ok, I'll just come out with it. I'm gay'. I was just typing in 'and what's the big deal about that?' when... wait for it... my dial-up kicked me off because I'd been connected for 2 hours I lunged frantically for the mouse with one hand, hitting the reconnect button, while groping for my mobile with the other, hoping L had left her phone on. Thankfully she was still in the chat room when I reconnected, & I apologised profusely, but in the 30 seconds while I was waiting for my connection...!

[Marmalady]

When my friend S came out to me, she just dropped it into the conversation we were having. She had been telling me about a sales rep who had taken her out to lunch (as a buyer this happened reasonably regularly, all to oil the wheels of commerce) and how he had suddenly launched into a spiel about how he was always thinking about her, how he was always happy when he knew he was coming to see her, etc etc.... Poor S had sat there going redder and redder....
'It's a no-no for 3 reasons' she told me. 'First, he's married and I have rules about that. Second, he lives about a hundred miles away and that always makes things awkward. And third I'm gay anyway, which sort of makes the other 2 reasons unnecessary!'
I just laughed and said, 'So that has got to be the biggest waste of breath this year!'
To be honest I had actually suspected that she was gay, and I was very glad that she felt she could trust me to that extent (and not everyone where we worked was so tolerant).

[Magpie]

Does he carefully use non-gender specific terms when discussing trying to make a date?
More likely to be Gay or bi and worried about prejudice, although he could be straight with a good sense of humour/very queer-positive. (Turns out my friend was very careful to make sure that I wouldn't freak before he came out to me. Here I thought he kept showing me political stuff to make jabs at me for being RC, or to show that he was open-minded. My response when he came out was "ok, and? You said you had something really important." I didn't actually say that last part )

[Marmalady]

The only 'problem' that any of my gay friends, male or female, have ever caused me is knowing what to say for the best when someone else asks me 'Is X/Y/Z gay?'
If I said 'No' and they then found out it was a lie, it would look as though I'm ashamed of my friend's being gay, which I'm not. On the other hand, if I said 'Yes' and my friend was then on the receiving end of prejudice and unpleasantness because of what I'd said, I would feel terrible.
It's much easier when people ask me (because I have gay female friends and therefore must be at least bi) if I'm gay - I just say, 'If you're making a pass at me, I'll tell you. Otherwise it's none of your business.'

PS for the record - straight.

[smileyeagle1021]

Okay, this lady was in no way sucky, more amusing than anything else.
I was interpreting, and the deaf user mentioned meeting the guy from America's Next Top Model, the overly flamboyant one, I can't remember his name.
Anyway, on with the weird, the hearing user started going on and on about how cool it was that her (some relationship, never really did find out) was able to meet a gay guy and how she had never met a gay guy and she likely never would be so lucky. She even went so far as to say there were absolutely no gay people where she lived (a statistical inprobability, if I remember correctly there are self identified homosexuals in 99.something% of counties in the United States).
Now here's the funny part, she asked me if I knew how to tell if someone is gay (no, not at all )... of course I can't tell her because that would violate my role as an univolved interpreter.
So, if you read these forumns, dear hearing user who took a relay call last night, I will give you smiley's guide to find a gay guy, and show you that you have probably met many and just weren't able to recognize them.

*I know there is more than gay/bi/straight, but those being the most common, I will stick to those*
1. Does he dress well?
He could be gay, bi, or straight.
2. Is he well groomed?
He could be gay, bi, or straight.
3. Does he use gel in his hair?
He could be gay, bi, or straight.
4. Does he have a somewhat femine voice?
He could be gay, bi, or straight... though this is a better indicator than other things listed, it is still in no way conclusive.
5. Does he prefer tea to coffee?
He could be gay, bi, or straight... or British
6. Does he have a bumper sticker from the HRC?
He could be gay, bi, or straight (yes, straight people join the HRC too)
7. Does he belong to a church?
This one tends to lean more towards straight depending on the church, but could still be gay or bi, likewise, depending on the church.
8. Does he have a job?
Unless he is in the US military (and even then) could be gay, bi, or straight.
9. Does he have a love for theatre?
Could be gay, bi, or straight.
10. Does he listen to Lady GaGa?
Could be gay, bi, or straight.

now, for some that will actually help you.
11. Has he mentioned his boyfriend?
Yup, gay or bi.
12. Has he turned down an advance from you saying he is not interested in women?
He's either gay, bi, or a liar... but very few people would be willing to pick up that social stigma when there are so many other lies they could use.
13. Does he wear "pride wear"?
He just may be gay... or have a weird sense of humor.
14. Have you seen him be romantic with another man?
Yup, gay or bi.
15. Has he told you he is gay?
Then, yes, most definitely gay.

Have you gotten the hint that there is NO way to tell for sure unless you are familiar with them (or they are doing something indecent). So yes lady, most likely you have met many gay people and not known it, and probably in your life will see several straight people who you will mistake for gay. Now, please, your take home lesson dear hearing user is that we are really not that different than everyone else you know... we aren't some leprechauns at the end of the rainbow.