No,I won't help you make your child hate music

[Frantic Freddie]

Many years ago I taught drums in the music store I worked at to the kids just starting out in band.

One day I get a new student,a 9 year old boy,seemed nice but very quiet.So I start with the usual beginners book,I assign him practice lessons,but by the 3rd lesson it's obvious he hasn't learned a thing or even touched the sticks.So I start going over the 1st lesson again,when all of a sudden he lowers his head & big tears start rolling down his face.

I immediately stopped & asked what the matter was.He didn't say anything at 1st,until I said "You don't really want to be here,do you? It's OK,I'm not upset with you,not everybody's cut out to be a drummer,tell me what's up."

So I get him to tell me that no,he doesn't want to play drums,so I ask him what he wants to do.He tells me he wants to play baseball,so for the rest of the 1/2 hour I told him about what a good thing it was that I went into music because I was such a lousy ball player,couldn't hit or catch or throw worth a darn.

I finally got him smiling & said I'd talk to his mother.So when she showed to pick him up,he went straight to the car as we'd agreed.I handed the check for that lesson back to her & said "Lady,your son doesn't want to play music,he wants to play baseball"
"But I so want him to be a musician!" she says.
"Lady,he's not going to be,he hates it,apparently has no aptitude for it & if you continue to force him into it he's going to hate music & resent you for making him do it."
"But I want him to play!"
"Look lady,he's NOT going to,he wants to play ball,you might have the next Babe Ruth or Joe DiMaggio here but you'll never know if you force him into this.I want you to take this check across the street to K-Mart,buy him a bat,ball & glove,enroll him in Little League & I never want to see him in this music store again!"

She left & I have no idea what happened to him.Later I found out that was the 4th instrument she tried to force him to play,I really felt sorry for the poor kid.

[Andara Bledin]

Wow. Vicarious life much?

Good for you for taking the time to get to know what the kid actually wanted and get on his mom's case for not listening to him.

^-.-^

[Frantic Freddie]

Thanks,even my boss said I'd done the right thing,he was a former school band teacher.

But here's a good story: I had a young girl student,enthusiastic as could be,her mother bought a used set from us & one lesson consisted of teaching the girl how to change & tune drumheads.

Fast forward several years,I'm working in a music store in a mall,no longer teaching,when a girl comes running up to me,throws her arms around me yelling "Freddie!!!" It was my former student,she told me that because of me,she'd just got a gig with a band that was getting ready to go on the road.It felt good to know I'd had a positive influence on her life.

[MoonCat]

Bless you. I hate parents who try to program their kids to be what they want them to be. Usually you hear stories about parents who force their kids to play sports that they hate. First time I heard about the reverse. I hope she got him the baseball equipment!

[fireheart]

Nice work, you did the right thing.

[telecom_goddess]

Yeah you can't make kids do what they don't want to do. I tried to get my oldest daughter interested in basketball with the ymca, but she sucked at it and didn't like it so after two sessions or so I dropped it. I figured I'd give it a shot and then give it up.

She ended up teaching herself to play the guitar

[Jay 2K Winger]

I wish my parents had cottoned to the idea that I just wasn't interested in sports. I'm not really that much of a competitive person, really.

They tried soccer, swimming, baseball, nothing clicked with me. They kept pushing anyway, which is probably why I'm not really interested in most sports to this day.

[wraiths_crono]

Thankfully I came from a sensible family that let me try different things to see what I liked because of that I am a drummer, played in the drum line in school, and even a drum corp. My ex on the other hand have their younger kids in about 15 different activities even if they don't like some just to keep them busy and 'broaden the things they will like.' bleh to them, and you are awesome for speaking up to the parent about the kid.

[Ironclad Alibi]

I had the opposite problem. My parents did not encourage me for the things I was interested in. The one I remember most is wanting to join the band in elementary school (5th grade), which was the earliest students got started in band. I didn't know how to play anything so I was assigned the clarinet. But my parents did not want to buy or rent a clarinet for me, so nothing ever came of it. Basically I was not encouraged for things that cost them money.

They also went cheap on some activities like Cub Scouts by holding me out of it until my younger brother (by 2 years) could also go. So when he started Cub Scouts I got to go to Boy Scouts, completely missing the Cub Scout experience.

The one thing I did enjoy that cost them nothing was read, so I became the intellectual sort.