I don't drink the town water for this very reason

[Shironu-Akaineko]

My house is plugged in our personal natural well. Water is so tasty and sweet we can drink from the bathtub tap. The town's water tends to taste chemical-like and always gives me the runs.

It's only a theory, but I think they put something in the town water that makes people... um... Gravekeeper's customers.

How do I shot web?

Oblivious girl : OG
I can't get any clearer: Me

OG: Like hi! I heard you like, can get like, posters here?
Me: *preemptive cringe* No special orders. We give out our displayed movie posters when we're done with them. You're allowed to put your name down for some.
OG: Like, how do I like, do that?
Me: You ask.
OG: But like, how do I like, do that?
Me:... You're doing it right now!
OG: *vacant look* Like, what if I like, want that one? *points to wall across the hall*
Me: Which one?
OG: Like you know... that one?
Me: Can I get a title?
OG: Like you know, that dark one!
Me: Cafe de Flore?
OG: Like, yeah!
Me: *writes it down* okay, and your name?
OG: Like, can I get like, another one?
Me: Sure.
OG: Like, how do I do that?
Me: (SERIOUSLY?) you're doing it RIGHT NOW.
OG: Like, the one next to it?
Me: Puss n boots, fine. Anything else?
OG: Like, Senza?
Me: Senza?
OG: Like, that one over there. *points to a part down the hall where I can't see because posters/display/WALL*
Me: *leans over* OH, Sens. Sure.
OG: Like, what do I do now?
Me: Name and phone number.
OG: Like, OMG why?
Me: So we can reach you when we take them off.
OG: Like, okay. *rattles off name and phone number* Like, thanx!
Me: You're welcome. (Now go get watered, you look like your two weeks are up.)

If you think that was painful to read, it was even more painful to live.

Short Term Memory
I thought I was easily distracted.

Forgetful Lady : FL
I saw this coming a mile away : Me.

FL: Hi, a 25$ phone card please.
Me: Blah phone card? (they tend to forget we sell MANY phonecards)
FL: Yes please.
Me: *prints phone card, I give the total while I give her the card. she proceeds to slam her large wallet on TOP of the card printout. She pays, I print out the receipt. I SEE this coming, but no, I'm gonna let it play out for my own amusement*
FL: *stares at receipt* So! Where's my authorization number on this?
Me: That's your receipt. You slammed your wallet on your phone card.
FL: *stares at me. I see the hamster wheel grinding painfully, full of rust and arthritis, trying to process the information*
Me: *grabs and lift her wallet*
FL: *cricket chirp*
Me: Pushes the card print out towards her*
FL: OH! Oh my god, I'm starting the morning well! *groans at herself*
Me: Quite alright ma'am, have a nice day.

I will point and you will guess.
Pointer Lady who can't use her words : PL
Really ma'am, we have one of the richest languages in the world. Use it. : Me

PL: *points in the general direction of Her Left* What's that?
Me: What's what ma'am? *assumes she meant the Killzone display helmet, but just in case...*
PL: That! *points.....not more eagerly at all.*
Me: Ma'am, What are you pointing at? I got consoles, earphones, earbuds, collector's items and posters in that direction.
PL: THAT! *doesn't point harder or walk the literally 3 steps required for the furthest item or you know... giving me a hint or something.*
Me: Ma'am? Can I have a word?
PL: That.... Robot thing!
Me: *good enough for me* That's a Display Killzone Helmet. (I was right! 10 points to Gryffindor!)
PL: Oh. *walks off*

Pointing. I don't have the technology

Directionally challenged Local Musician : LM
My pointy finger is Dyslexic : Me

LM: Hi, I dropped some CDs here, I was wondering if you put them up anywhere?
Me: I'm not sure, but if the Buyer did, he probably put them over there *points to the VERY LEFT WALL* under the sign Made in Quebec.
LM: *goes in the very opposite direction* Over here?
Me: No sir, where I'm pointing, under the very large Made in Quebec sign I just mentionned.
LM: Ah! Thank you!

Depth perception fail

We have a big potted plant in the middle of the hall. Well, more of a pot of dirt with a lil bamboo shoot in the middle, because people trip over that pot EVERY DAY.
Why? Because they keep looking at something else instead of looking where they're going.
What are they looking at? A wall made of mirror.

Why do you do this?

You're 10. You KNOW GTA5 is coming out this year. This means you have some (UNSUPERVISED) access to the internet.
WHY do you keep harrassing me about the release date that doesn't exist yet? I won't sell it to you regardless, but why can't you google yourself?

While I'm at it, I don't listen to the radio and don't watch that show you all love. You know why? Because I'm not 60 years old and thus not awake at 4 in the morning. Give me a title, not "But it was mentioned on super early show 3 weeks ago!" If you liked it so much, why didn't you write the title down???

"Is this the best price you can do?" I can tack on a 10$ stupid question fee if you'd like.
"I can get it cheaper on the internet!" Then do so. enjoy realizing Shipping and Handling fees exist.
"The other one always gives me cost pricing" Funny how he does all these rock-bottom prices when he's not there to defend himself. Because when he's there, he always replies with "Who the fuck are you?" Also, no. If he jumps off a bridge, I'm not following him. I call the cops.

Door's to your left.

[Food Lady]

I think that potted plant is smarter than the people in your town. Have you been giving it well water?

[Shironu-Akaineko]

Nope (probably the other reason that plant is dying) and it's still smarter than the people in town.

[dragon_wings]

At least it's not a potted petunia.

[Pixilated]

Nope (probably the other reason that plant is dying) and it's still smarter than the people in town.

Hey, you should water it! Maybe since it's a plant the town water would work in reverse ... and eventually you could put it behind the counter to deal with your more stupid customers (some of whom may be sporting shoots and leaves by then ...)

And that first one was HORRIBLE. Kudos to you for not either telling her to go learn to speak properly -- or mocking her. Though I doubt she'd have picked it up, if you'd done the latter.

[Shironu-Akaineko]

Ya know, my ex-psychologist once told me to put myself in their shoes, so that I could see they weren't really stupid, just innocently ignorant.

I told her I couldn't think that low.

I know innocent ignorance. Innocent ignorance is a poor grandma who's never played a video game in her life walk in asking for "A mario game".
"My grandson told me there's a red Mario in the game."

Right. You, I forgive. Your grandson is how old? Okay, him, I wish a swift step on a lego.

There's ignorant and then there's no goddamn common sense.

[Chromatix]

Door's to your left.

No, your OTHER left.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I think that potted plant is smarter than the people in your town. Have you been giving it well water?

I hear one has to be careful with drinking well water . . . too much can make you see things that aren't there, hear things that don't actually exist and do things you wouldn't normally do.

That special-blend Texas Well Water that is . . .

[Ironclad Alibi]

I hear one has to be careful with drinking well water . . . too much can make you see things that aren't there, hear things that don't actually exist and do things you wouldn't normally do.

That special-blend Texas Well Water that is . . .

That is why it is recommended the well be at least 100 feet from the still, and uphill from it.

[RealUnimportant]

Hey, you should water it! Maybe since it's a plant the town water would work in reverse ... and eventually you could put it behind the counter to deal with your more stupid customers (some of whom may be sporting shoots and leaves by then ...)

"Feed me, Seymour!"