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  • #1

    Add your own responses - You don't have any _____?

    Due to a series of ordering system and delivery snafus beyond our control, we recently ran out of several items, particularly cigarettes. This led to some fun times in the ol' fuel station. A typical conversation would go like this:

    SC: I would like <something>.
    ME: I'm sorry, but we're out of <something> until tomorrow.
    SC: You don't have any <something>?

    Here are a few of the replies that I would have liked to use. Please feel free to add your own!

    ~ME: Well, we didn't, but asking again unlocked the magic portal to <something>-Land, and the <something> Fairy just rode in on her unicorn to restock it.

    ~ME: Who said we don't have it? I said that? When? Oh, just now? Then why are you asking me again?

    ~ME: DIDN'T I JUST FKING SAY THAT??!?

    ~ME: We do, but you can't have it.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Me - Sure! We have some, but your suspicions were right all along! We reserve most of them for our employees!

    Me - We really DON'T want to sell tons of <current hot product du jour>, so we're just letting them all rot in the back room until the fad dies down. Come back in two years. We LIKE having fifty extra units of shit that nobody wants!

    Me - Well, we do have some, but we only sell them to people who do the chicken dance for us. Longest time each day gets to buy it. Today's record is currently 85 minutes. Beat that, and you can come back before we close to buy it.
    "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
    "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
    "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
    "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
    "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
    "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
    Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
    "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

    Comment

    • #3
      Rude: What part of "we're out" don't you understand?

      Smartass: Oh now that you asked a second time... nope still nothing.

      Tired of talking to idiots: <Sigh> Yes, I just TOLD you that!

      Musical: Tomorrow! Tomorrow! We'll have it tomorrow! It's only a day away!

      Weird: Unicorns.


      Or.. weird-smartass:
      You: Squirrel-toast!
      SC: What?
      You: Oh I thought you were saying silly things.


      Or... just talk like a pirate. They'll either think you're insane and runaway or they'll join in and you'll both have fun.

      Comment

      • #4
        Me: Nah, I'm just kidding. I like to make April Fool's Day a year-round thing!

        Me: You don't have the ability to listen?

        Me: Here, let me just pull some out of my ass for you. No? I guess you don't want <something> that badly then!

        Me: No, we just like playing keep away with our customers.

        Me: Inconvenience, at a convenience store. Imagine that. (That is, if you work at a c-store, like me)

        Me: No, and it's totally MY fault, you know. You should really yell at me, call me names, and cuss at me about it. Oh, and don't forget threatening to never shop here again. Really. You should also note the obvious sarcasm.
        "And though she be but little, she is FIERCE!"--Shakespeare

        Comment

        • #5
          Me: Did I say that?
          SC: Yes!!
          Me: Good, because I meant it!
          "Bring me knitting!" (The Doctor - not the one you were expecting)

          Comment

          • #6
            A couple years ago we had some major supply problems with our radiotracers. All non-STAT scans were off limits. That....did not sit well with the cardiologists.

            Them: BLARGLE YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TEST!
            Us: We can't. We have no tracer.
            Them: I'LL JUST SEND MY PATIENT TO <some other facility>.
            Us: Won't help. They don't have it either. Supply is down worldwide.
            Them: RAGERAGERAGE!
            Us: We'll keep you posted on when we can get more. Have a nice day!
            I am no longer of capable of the emotion you humans call “compassion”. Though I can feign it in exchange for an hourly wage. (Gravekeeper)

            Comment

            • #7
              Quoth CarcinogenCrunchies View Post
              SC: I would like <something>.
              ME: I'm sorry, but we're out of <something> until tomorrow.
              SC: You don't have any <something>?
              "I'm so very, very sorry, I wasn't aware that 'we're out of X item' was such a confusing and ambiguous statement. Let me try again. NO. Is that better?"
              I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
              My LiveJournal
              A page we can all agree with!

              Comment

              • #8
                Parking Customer: "There's no place to park."
                Me: "That's why the sign says FULL"

                I get to use this way too much.
                Meeeeoooow.....
                Still missing you, Plaid

                Comment

                • #9
                  PIzza customer on the Phone:: I would like to order <special we have not had for at least 2 months and could be up to a YEAR AGO. this includes mutipule specials, deals and product>
                  Me: I am sorry that <whatever> promotion ended 2 months ago
                  Customer: OLK)(&*())OHKJLGLJKHL_())LHJKLUIIOJKJKHKJHKJHKJH
                  I'm lost without a paddle and headed up SH*T creek.
                  -- Life Sucks Then You Die.

                  "I'll believe corp. are people when Texas executes one."

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    RM - At our old DaddyJim's, the managers would require us to honor those most of the time anyway (and ALL of the time if they had a physical coupon)....After all, "they must be long-time loyal custys if they remember that/have that coupon"...Most such people were first timers, meaning, NO, they never order from us, they just called because of the discount and probably won't call again til they clean under the couch again ...
                    "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
                    "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
                    "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
                    "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
                    "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
                    "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
                    Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
                    "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Quoth EricKei View Post
                      RM - At our old DaddyJim's, the managers would require us to honor those most of the time anyway (and ALL of the time if they had a physical coupon)....After all, "they must be long-time loyal custys if they remember that/have that coupon"...Most such people were first timers, meaning, NO, they never order from us, they just called because of the discount and probably won't call again til they clean under the couch again ...
                      OK I could see that with special prices or deals but that would NEVER work on special products most of which require special equipment or ingredents that we have long since discarded.

                      And most of the specials on deals or prices can only be accessed via a coupon or auto-price or "deal button" on our POS that is only on our system for a limited time. Unfrotuneately if our franchise corp office started to see an uptick on off-coupon discounts they would investigate and not be nice about it. People have been written up or fired over this.
                      I'm lost without a paddle and headed up SH*T creek.
                      -- Life Sucks Then You Die.

                      "I'll believe corp. are people when Texas executes one."

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        These were mainly things like 5-10-year old generic coupons such as "Large Works for $7" (when retail at the time was 17 and on special was 13). If it was for something like the (then) Lent-only spinach alfredo pizzas, we could just tell them to hang on to the coupon and call back when we had the stuff again.
                        "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
                        "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
                        "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
                        "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
                        "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
                        "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
                        Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
                        "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Quoth CarcinogenCrunchies View Post
                          ~ME: Who said we don't have it? I said that? When? Oh, just now? Then why are you asking me again?
                          I love this one. I've often wondered if getting them to say it would make it sink in, but I sadly/cynically suspect not.

                          Comment

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