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  • #1

    answering machine messages

    So today I had to call a group of people to talk about trades,http://customerssuck.com/board/showt...18#post1137418 which didn't make me ultra happy, since I think this is something that should be left to people who are trained in doing so. Thankfully my group of people were either very nice, not there, disconnected or an answering machine with one exception (please turn on your hearing aid before answering the phone....it'll only help.)

    My favorite response however, was from an answering machine, in this masculine, "I am attempting to seduce the world with mah sexy voice" combined with the laid back stoner tone

    "Heeeyy... this is _____ and I'm sorry, but I can't get to the phone right now... I might be busy... or can't find the phone... but you know what to do now... Just leave me that message... or... don't... It'ssss allllll coool. Anyway, you stay awesome now..." *beep*

    So on that note, have any of you ever ended up with an answering machine, and if so, what was the best one you've had?
    Tell a man there are 300 Billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you.
    Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch to be sure.
    -Unknown Author
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  • #2
    I found this one nice "I can't pickup the phone, because Im trying to avoid someone, leave your name and number and I'll get back. If I dont come back, its you Im trying to avoid."

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    • #3
      Quoth Opalin View Post
      So today I had to call a group of people to talk about trades,http://customerssuck.com/board/showt...18#post1137418 which didn't make me ultra happy, since I think this is something that should be left to people who are trained in doing so. Thankfully my group of people were either very nice, not there, disconnected or an answering machine with one exception (please turn on your hearing aid before answering the phone....it'll only help.)

      My favorite response however, was from an answering machine, in this masculine, "I am attempting to seduce the world with mah sexy voice" combined with the laid back stoner tone

      "Heeeyy... this is _____ and I'm sorry, but I can't get to the phone right now... I might be busy... or can't find the phone... but you know what to do now... Just leave me that message... or... don't... It'ssss allllll coool. Anyway, you stay awesome now..." *beep*

      So on that note, have any of you ever ended up with an answering machine, and if so, what was the best one you've had?
      I didn't actually call anyone to hear this, but found it on the web.

      It basically sounds like a "scene" from a Harlequin novel (or, as I've heard them referred to before, "Housewife porn"), where the man and woman are about to be in the throes of intimacy, and it ends something like:

      "...they both knew one thing...they sure as heck weren't going to answer the phone!"
      Skilled programmers aren't cheap. Cheap programmers aren't skilled.

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      • #4
        i remember hearing about the bushing their teeth message, though not if anyone actually used it.


        one of my friends had a long-one about beaming down to another planet and finding a piece of paper that read "after the beep" etc. but to be honest it got annoying after the first listen


        I think the best one i ever heard about was a guy pretty much saying, "You know how this works <beep>."
        Last edited by PepperElf; 05-03-2013, 06:42 PM.

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        • #5
          An old friend of mine makes up a new one every year or two that generally describe him being abandoned somewhere by friends and therefore unable to answer -- the agreed-upon favorite was the one where he claimed that his fiancee had sold him to the spice mines of Calcutta and he was mad that none of us had come to find him
          "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
          "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
          "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
          "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
          "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
          "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
          Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
          "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

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          • #6
            One I have always wanted to get:

            Hi. This is Dick. The [family name]s are not available right now, but if you leave a message, I promise I won't erase the tape. [/Richard Nixon]
            Life is too short to not eat popcorn.
            Save the Ales!
            Toys for Tots at Rooster's Cafe

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            • #7
              My favorite has always been the garfield jello one...

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              • #8
                It's the music ones that get me. I called someone back to see if they wanted to renew their ad for selling puppies....the tune they had on the machine was "I'm an Animal."

                OTOH, it's pretty annoying when someone's answering machine plays "I'm Sexy and I Know It"
                When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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                • #9
                  Back when I was at MW, my coworker had a customer with the name Bieber and set their message on the answering machine to "Meet the Biebers," a play off "Meet the Flintstones."

                  Had a few "Gone Huntin's" where in they will proudly tell you that they've gone out hoping to bag the big one and blah, blah blah blah.
                  If I make no sense, I apologize. I'm constantly interrupted by an actual toddler.

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                  • #10
                    In my repair days, I remember a voice mail message of a customer whose computer I was going to repair.

                    "Hello. The sprinkler goes ch ch ch ch ch. The helicopter goes whop whop whop whop. Leave a message and I might call you back, but I probably won't because I am cheap."
                    This site proves Corey Taylor right. Man really is a "four letter word."

                    I'm now using my Deviant Art page to post my humor.

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                    • #11
                      Quoth MoonCat View Post
                      It's the music ones that get me. I called someone back to see if they wanted to renew their ad for selling puppies....the tune they had on the machine was "I'm an Animal."

                      OTOH, it's pretty annoying when someone's answering machine plays "I'm Sexy and I Know It"
                      I wouldn't be surprised if someone's answering machine plays "Call Me when You're Sober."
                      This site proves Corey Taylor right. Man really is a "four letter word."

                      I'm now using my Deviant Art page to post my humor.

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                      • #12
                        Back in the day, mine had a rather mundane message, and BR5-49's 'Even If It's Wrong' (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaU_xTqYIvM) playing.
                        Seph
                        Taur10
                        "You're supposed to be the head of covert intelligence. Right now, I'm not seeing a hell of a lot of intelligence. Covert, overt, or otherwise!"-Lochley, B5, A View from the Gallery

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                        • #13
                          My favorite was an automated message (phone supplier provides the message, you just say your name) that started with a substance-abuse sounding female "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, you've reached *gruff middle aged man voice* ROBERT THIBODEAU+ *back to high lady voice* but this person is not available right noooooow"...


                          +Fake name
                          Now would be a good time to visit So Very Unofficial!

                          "I've had so many nasty customers this week, my bottomless pit is now ankle-deep."-Me.

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                          • #14
                            My machine used to do a fake-out, where'd it say "Hello. Hello? Helloooo. Hah, no one's at home right now (blah blah blah)" Yes, I know it's annoying but I thought it was funny at the time.

                            The best part? A local radio station was having a drawing for a big screen TV and they were calling the winner. DJ fell for that bothersome message on live air and I won a TV. Suddenly sis and I decided we needed to get cable.
                            A lion however, will only devour your corpse, whereas an SC is not sated until they have destroyed your soul. (Quote per infinitemonkies)

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                            • #15
                              I used to have, as background music, the song Linus and Lucy for my outgoing answering machine message

                              For a while my Ex and I had an outgoing message that went something like this:
                              HMMMMMM HMMMMMM We HMMMM are KINDA OOOOHHHHHHH YEWEEAAAAHHHHH busy right now A little lower ------OHHHHHHHH that's it sooo ummmmmm leave a a a a a message and we will OHHHHHHHH getbacktoyouwhenwecanbye.

                              We put that message on the machine when we had a heavy date night planned.
                              I'm lost without a paddle and headed up SH*T creek.
                              -- Life Sucks Then You Die.

                              "I'll believe corp. are people when Texas executes one."

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