Work Fantasies

[CloserToSane]

At this point, I want a week to deal with my admin, in a break out space.

[50 mission cap]

I would smoke a cigar at my desk.

[Dreamstalker]

Close the store down for a day, bring everybody in and completely clean, restock, and straighten everything. No customers to interrupt or mess up what we just straightened.

This is what needs to be done at my store. Forget trying to clean/block when there are customers about, kick everyone out of the store. It needs to be done during the day so we aren't getting in the way of night crew.

Any customers who linger after closing and/or complain about not having item X, force them to work with the night crew putting up stock (pay a nominal amount to keep the suits happy, split the lion's share among anyone who had to stay late because of them). G can put the fear of God into them; if they're down a man that night, even better. Ideally there would be a dayshift person there to keep an eye on SC; they would be paid double nightshift rate and get a place to crash and food at my apartment (two minutes' walk from the store).

I'd love to tell all the abusive asswipes exactly what I think of them, and be able to kick them out/permaban without a manager. And find a way to make a permaban stick.

[Emmeileia]

Actually be able to say something was a stupid idea when a student does it. (For example, attempt to stick their finger in the electric pencil sharpener, staple their hand, tilt their chair back on one leg after already taking a bad fall doing the same thing. All of these I have seen and all students were old enough to know better.)
In fact, I would like to be able to tell them to shut up without having to ask nicely. Just being able to say "Shut up, you're acting like an idiot" would feel so good some days.
Oh, and I would like to be able to explain that yes I *am* legally protected if they try something physical with me and I have to protect myself or other students. Hell, according to the criminal code I can still technically use physical discipline, not that I personally feel it would be useful or effective. But I should be able to tell a kid to shut up and sit down or I will sit on him if he's goofing around during lockdown practice.

[sms001]

Besides sharing some of the more common ones here, I've often thought it would be wonderful to "pay back in kind" some sucktomers' idiocy/meanness. Be able to go to THEIR workplace and treat them exactly how they treated you. Preferably with their boss right there so they are extra helpless.

[emax4]

It doesn't phase me much, but when a customer is checking out while on their cellphone I want to say real loud, "THANK YOU FOR SHOPPUNG ADULT MART!!!"

[KellyHabersham]

Mostly, what I would like to do is be able to charge customers for the following:

- returning library materials with very strong/bad smells. (stale tortillas and cigarette ashes being two examples)

- letting your kid(s) make a mess out of the blocks and puzzles, and leaving without cleaning up after them.

- leaving piles of library materials on the tables for staff to clean up. (especially the mothers who do this with picture books)

- putting unneeded library materials on the cart which a staff member is shelving. These are NOT "place your unwanted items here" carts, and we have no way of knowing whether or not it's okay to reshelve those items.

And for those customers who feel the need to be especially noisy with using the bookdrop, I'd love to use duct-tape them to the wall and make them listen it it being slammed loudly.

[Argus]

- leaving piles of library materials on the tables for staff to clean up. (especially the mothers who do this with picture books)

Piles would be one thing, but at least one branch here has signs asking patrons to leave books on tables rather than try to re-shelve them.

[greek_jester]

Piles would be one thing, but at least one branch here has signs asking patrons to leave books on tables rather than try to re-shelve them.

*raises hand* What if I'm putting it back exactly where I got it from? I'm a little OCD about things like that, and have been known to start tidying the shelves back into the correct order if I'm not due anywhere...

[gremcint]

go back to using my old exacto knives instead of these stupid auto retractable ones. Further I want to lose the rule about me needing steel toes for the pallett jack, it was not a rule for 4 years of me using them but then a couple months ago they decided it was needed.

[Tama]

It's probably because of some idiot hurting himself...

[gremcint]

well second shift with the new knife I sliced my thumb really good because I was used to my old ones with a longer blade and it slipped out of what I was cutting

[mhkohne]

go back to using my old exacto knives instead of these stupid auto retractable ones. Further I want to lose the rule about me needing steel toes for the pallett jack, it was not a rule for 4 years of me using them but then a couple months ago they decided it was needed.

The company probably either changed their workplace liability insurance, or noticed existing rules in same that they were not following. Steel toes with a pallett jack is not that new of an idea, but it's also of limited utility - it's not that easy to drop a load on your foot with a pallett jack. It does happen, but there's almost always something more likely to go wrong in a workplace.

[carryonnow]

On my last day, I would like to tell Dragon Lady the ultimate SC that she is the most nutty-psycho-mean-evil-vile-rude-obnoxious-non psych med taking-sorry excuse for a human being that I have ever had to deal with in any setting.

[bunrotha]

From my previous job in insurance, I wanted to make a big list of all the people who either forgot or "forgot" to change their driving licence/car registration from mummy and daddy's (cheap insurance) housing to their own (crime-riddled) address for years at a time, along with the proof that they didn't live, or keep a car, where they declared.

Then forward the whole lot to DVLA (UK's DMV), copying absolutely everyone including the media, demanding they actually collect the £1000 fines they keep threatening folk with for doing that.

Mostly because we had no power to apply any sanction ourselves, nobody ever did anything about it, and it always counted against us when trying to nail scammers.

Second favourite was to make a list of all the people who's previously exemplary command of English failed them the moment their scam was detected (or it was convenient) and forward as above, demanding they be stripped of their licences until they take a test in English to prove they can safely read road signs and the Highway Code, and follow instructions from the police at the roadside.