A bit of background: I am in my senior year of a Bachelor's Degree in Social Work (BSW). Half the year is spent in class, and half the year is to be spent in my senior internship.
It's always been my dream to intern with the county department of social services (DSS), particularly in child protective services (CPS). In a pinch, I'd accept adult protective services (APS). I'll do either so long as it gets my foot in the door, and then my plan is to shine and the best goddamn social worker they've ever seen so I'll get hired right off the bat from my internship.
No. That won't be happening.
This morning I went for my internship interview at DSS. The first sign of trouble was that he was visibly bored while I was answering the questions, and did not seem pleased with the answers I was giving. He told me that I lacked depth and compassion.
So I gave him more depth. That was when I was told that I was "offputting." Apparently there is a way to convey depth, particularly when it comes to your reasons for wanting to be in social work, but I did not know how to convey it without seeming weird, creepy, and annoying -- as those were the definitions I received for "offputting" when I later polled my friends as to what the hell that might mean.
So I lack depth and compassion and I'm offputting. Then he made the suggestion that I might want to consider a nearby, more rural county because those counties tend to have lower standards. The urban county where I live requires you to bring your A game.
And in any case, the urban county does not hire BSW's. To get a job here, you either need your master's degree or you need equivalent service.
So, I lack depth and compassion, I'm offputting, I might want to consider a nearby county with lower standards, and the county where I live won't be hiring me anyway even if I do manage to somehow, through some miracle, land an internship here.
I bombed this interview, apparently. I bombed it so badly that it left a crater. Now mind you, these criticisms were delivered constructively, and the interviewer did make it appear as though he would still attempt to pass me up the chain. However, to be informed that you are shallow, uncaring, and that you are also weird, creepy, and annoying are personality defects that cannot be readily overcome. Plus, if you do manage to fake it such that people overlook your defective personality, those people tend to become very upset when they realize they've been fooled.
Lastly, there's this little issue. I'd spoken with the interviewer previously and was told that one possible pitfall for CPS is that it requires extensive pretraining that, taken together with all my other obligations, would commit me to something or other for about ninety hours a week for the full month the pretraining runs. However, it's only offered in this part of the state once every four months. Otherwise, it's offered in the middle of the state or in the eastern part of the state, a drive of anywhere between three to eight hours from where I am. APS does not require it, but APS already has qualified master's degree interns and doesn't need anyone. CPS needs interns, but we've already established that I'm too hopeless to bother. I suppose I could look at all of this in a positive light and then ace my next interview with sheer determination, spunk, and pluck. The problem with that, though, is the way that only happens in the movies and on TV. In real life, if you blow your first chance you don't get another. The first chance is how they determine whether or not to give you a second chance, in fact.
I'm really beginning to believe that I have a few too many personality defects to keep trying. I was too stupid to keep my job at the Elongated Hexagon Inn, my current boss at the Dumpsterfire Inn likes to remind me that there were reasons I was fired from there whenever I disagree with her, and now today I was told I need to consider applying someplace where the standards are lower.
My self-worth has really taken a hit here, and I don't see any real evidence that the way I feel about myself now is not valid. I don't fit in. People do not like me. I have a nasty personality. There are a great many things wrong with me.
Perhaps too many.
It's always been my dream to intern with the county department of social services (DSS), particularly in child protective services (CPS). In a pinch, I'd accept adult protective services (APS). I'll do either so long as it gets my foot in the door, and then my plan is to shine and the best goddamn social worker they've ever seen so I'll get hired right off the bat from my internship.
No. That won't be happening.
This morning I went for my internship interview at DSS. The first sign of trouble was that he was visibly bored while I was answering the questions, and did not seem pleased with the answers I was giving. He told me that I lacked depth and compassion.
So I gave him more depth. That was when I was told that I was "offputting." Apparently there is a way to convey depth, particularly when it comes to your reasons for wanting to be in social work, but I did not know how to convey it without seeming weird, creepy, and annoying -- as those were the definitions I received for "offputting" when I later polled my friends as to what the hell that might mean.
So I lack depth and compassion and I'm offputting. Then he made the suggestion that I might want to consider a nearby, more rural county because those counties tend to have lower standards. The urban county where I live requires you to bring your A game.
And in any case, the urban county does not hire BSW's. To get a job here, you either need your master's degree or you need equivalent service.
So, I lack depth and compassion, I'm offputting, I might want to consider a nearby county with lower standards, and the county where I live won't be hiring me anyway even if I do manage to somehow, through some miracle, land an internship here.
I bombed this interview, apparently. I bombed it so badly that it left a crater. Now mind you, these criticisms were delivered constructively, and the interviewer did make it appear as though he would still attempt to pass me up the chain. However, to be informed that you are shallow, uncaring, and that you are also weird, creepy, and annoying are personality defects that cannot be readily overcome. Plus, if you do manage to fake it such that people overlook your defective personality, those people tend to become very upset when they realize they've been fooled.
Lastly, there's this little issue. I'd spoken with the interviewer previously and was told that one possible pitfall for CPS is that it requires extensive pretraining that, taken together with all my other obligations, would commit me to something or other for about ninety hours a week for the full month the pretraining runs. However, it's only offered in this part of the state once every four months. Otherwise, it's offered in the middle of the state or in the eastern part of the state, a drive of anywhere between three to eight hours from where I am. APS does not require it, but APS already has qualified master's degree interns and doesn't need anyone. CPS needs interns, but we've already established that I'm too hopeless to bother. I suppose I could look at all of this in a positive light and then ace my next interview with sheer determination, spunk, and pluck. The problem with that, though, is the way that only happens in the movies and on TV. In real life, if you blow your first chance you don't get another. The first chance is how they determine whether or not to give you a second chance, in fact.
I'm really beginning to believe that I have a few too many personality defects to keep trying. I was too stupid to keep my job at the Elongated Hexagon Inn, my current boss at the Dumpsterfire Inn likes to remind me that there were reasons I was fired from there whenever I disagree with her, and now today I was told I need to consider applying someplace where the standards are lower.
My self-worth has really taken a hit here, and I don't see any real evidence that the way I feel about myself now is not valid. I don't fit in. People do not like me. I have a nasty personality. There are a great many things wrong with me.
Perhaps too many.
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