He's onto his next victim...

[blas]

A maintenance man. Yes, you guys already heard the story of how I threatened that maintenance man with his life and his job if he ever talked about my breasts again......

Well, so get this......this 38 year old maintenance man............rrrr I can barely type this without wanting to punch something....

Before the temps were fired, two of them were my friends. They were my age. We all took break together, along with my best friend as well. This creepo would hit on my one friend (one of the temps) incessantly, and since she only dated men over 30, she loved the attention.

But then the temps got fired.

Creepo knows he isn't getting anywhere with me (in fact, one time before the sexual harrassment issue, I asked him if he had any kids. He said he had an 18 year old son. I asked him for his son's phone #. That still didn't get the message through to him I guess!), so what does he do now?

He's after my best friend.

Last night, my best friend's guy friend (who also takes break with us) told her that Creepo had came into their work area (without any call or need for maintenance to be done) and stood next to a machine and stared at her for quite a while, and since she was so busy, she didn't notice. That's when guy friend stepped in.

Her guy friend always makes his presence known when Creepo is around. If he tries to talk to her, guy friend walks up and gives him the Death glare (and why Creepo is scared of a 19 year old is beyond me!), and Creepo usually gives up and walks away. He always finds an excuse to talk to my friend now....

I told her that she needs to bring it to management's attention that this guy is watching her, making her feel uncomfortable, and has already made sexually suggestive comments to one of her friends (and fellow coworkers!), and he has already been told by one girl to stop it before she reports him.

No one should have to put up with working with perverts. I'm happy as a clam that he took my threat seriously and has been leaving me alone, but now he's after my friend! Will this guy ever give up?

[RecoveringKinkoid]

No, not until sexual harrassment proceedings are started by someone.

[Seshat]

I agree.

I moderate an IRC channel where one of the aims of the channel is for women to feel comfortable and safe. We regularly have people come in and act in the equivalent way to this.

I take them aside. It takes me hours, usually, to get them to understand that they're making people uncomfortable. Most of the time, I can't get them to understand that they're doing anything wrong, and they leave thinking 'women are weird'. But they do leave (or get banned).

Assuming this guy is like them: he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. He also isn't getting the message that you're unhappy with his behaviour. (We've had guys who've been told stuff as blunt as 'keep it in your pants' and totally missed the message!)

Someone has to be EXTREMELY BLUNT with him, preferably with at least one witness. And probably extremely (and uncomfortably) detailed. By extremely blunt, I mean something like:

"Creepo, you're creeping me out. You are this close to a sexual harassment report, the only way you're going to avoid it is to stop. Stop leering at me. Stop watching me. Stop asking me out. Stop discussing anything to do with sex, relationships, or dates in my hearing. In fact, stop talking to me about anything that isn't work."

If you care at all about how he feels, you can add something like:

"I know I'm willing to talk about these things with other men. That's because they know what does and doesn't cross the line. You don't. You also don't get it when we give you polite cues to stop. If you ever learn how to tell when women are asking you to stop, maybe you'll be welcome. But right now, you're behaving like a creepy sleazoid. So stay the hell away from me."


(This is basically the summarised form of the multi-hour marathon sessions I sometimes put in.)


Anyway.. yeah. Main point is: he isn't understanding the 'go away' signals. He probably isn't even noticing them. Polite isn't working, so go for totally blunt and even rude.

[blas]

Well, blunt and rude was how I got rid of him......I'm trying to tell my friend that that's the way to go. But she can't just keep being "protected" by her friend, because he can't always be right there when Creepo shows up. What if her friend is busy or calls in sick one night?

I'm amazed that so many women just let sexual harassment roll off their back and don't do anything about it.

[TNT]

I've dated a few women who were much younger myself. The odd part is, just a few years ago, a group of women in their early 20s officially voted me, "a man we can actually have an intelligent conversation with." (I know this because they told me.)

[RecoveringKinkoid]

It's also quite possible that your friend kind of digs the attention on some level.

Weird, I know, but it happens.

[zzapp the witch]

Or they're too nice to say anything. That used to be the case with me. I got picked on so much in school that I was afraid of hurting another person's feelings, even if they needed it or deserved it. That's no longer the case, but that's how it used to be.

[Sharsarannon]

I agree.

Assuming this guy is like them: he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. He also isn't getting the message that you're unhappy with his behaviour.
Someone has to be EXTREMELY BLUNT with him, preferably with at least one witness. And probably extremely (and uncomfortably) detailed. . Polite isn't working, so go for totally blunt and even rude.

A guy I am not fond of in a group I hang out with came up right behind me when I was facing a countertop, too close- like against my body, and put his hands on my upper arms and leaned over practically breathing in my ear. He started to say something...

but by that time my elbow had just barely halted on its blurring course through his face, an inch short of his nose.
I turned around and said, That was a warning. If you EVER come that close to me again without being married or engaged to me so help me I will break your face.

Apparently my tone of voice was frightening, and he could tell I was in no way joking, because he hasn't laid a hand on me since. No man touches me like that without my express permission.

[blas]

My friend absolutely hates him. She's blocked him from her messengers online.....but I think she's afraid she'll be unprofessional if she flat out curses at him or threatens him like I did.

But he had it coming when I did it. It was about damn time he was told to stop talking about a woman's breasts right in front of her. It SICKENS me that these perverted middle aged maintenance men are thinking about my breasts, I don't care if it's just over if they are real or not, it's just SICK.

And now that he's thinking of trying something with my friend, yuck.

I even told her last night that he's left me alone ever since I threatened to have him fired/reported for sexual harrassment, and she should do the same. She said she'd definetly consider doing it.

[MystyGlyttyr]

You could just do what I do and just beat the hell out of him. That usually shuts them up too. Granted, it's hard to talk when your jaw is wired shut...still.

I've had this issue exactly twice...once with a cook at the Awful Waffle, who got fired immediately after I finished pummeling him and threatening the manager's manhood with the waffle iron if he didn't do something about it, and once with a guy I went to a summer boarding school with who oh-so-accidently found himself facedown at the bottom of a flight of stairs.

One of my friends was this way...a guy started harrassing her and she wouldn't do anything about it, so I went and informed the people in charge to keep an eye on her and him because he had previously tried to assault me (semi-truth, he didn't get a chance to actually try, but he was thinking about it). They caught him in the act and he got shown the door. Previous experience can still be useful.

[blas]

Mysty, my friend is much smaller than you, but is capable of every type of physical pain that you have given to deserving people, lol.

I'm afraid of what will happen if she snaps and beats the shit out of him. It doesn't matter that he's almst 20 years older than her and twice her weight. She could kill him if she wanted to.

Trust me, I wanted to punch that smug little smirk right off of his face every time he stared at my breasts.

[Acolyte]

...remind me to NEVER piss you off, Mysty.

*Grimaces at the thought of an unfortunate union of junk and waffle iron*

[MadMike]

One of my friends was this way...a guy started harrassing her and she wouldn't do anything about it, so I went and informed the people in charge to keep an eye on her and him because he had previously tried to assault me (semi-truth, he didn't get a chance to actually try, but he was thinking about it). They caught him in the act and he got shown the door. Previous experience can still be useful.

My wife had an incident once with a security guard at the store where she worked. He'd keep harrassing, she'd keep telling him to back off, and he wouldn't listen. Then one day, they both ended up in the breakroom, and he tried to force himself on her.

Luckily, there were security cams throughout the store, including the breakroom, and the manager, who she was good friends with, happened to be in the office and saw what was going on. He ran back there, beat the shit of the guy, and fired him.

The guy tried to sue, for racial discrimination among other things, but thankfully that didn't go anywhere.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

"but I think she's afraid she'll be unprofessional if she flat out curses at him or threatens him like I did."

Oh, come on. I don't buy that. I do buy that she's one of these people that thinks she has to be nice all the time. A lot of people, particularly women, were raised this way. Brainwashed this way, really. It's unproffesional to let this sort of shit continue unchallenged.

So don't cuss or threaten, if that's not your cup of tea. I don't even think that is entirely the best course of action (though it might be the most fun.) REPORT him.

And also, to another poster, I don't think it's wise to make up stuff like this, even about a skeezy pervert. If you have to make stuff up, you don't have a case. If you do have a case, stick to the facts. Otherwise, you open yourself up to all sorts of liablity. Not to mention if you discredit yourself, your case goes out the window and score one for the pervert.

[Seshat]

My friend absolutely hates him. She's blocked him from her messengers online.....but I think she's afraid she'll be unprofessional if she flat out curses at him or threatens him like I did.

Point out to her that HE is being incredibly unprofessional.

If she wants a professional phrasing to use:

"Dear Sir,

I regret to inform you that you're a flaming idiot..."

Er. Okay. Take two.

(Date)
TO: flaming idiot
CC: management

Dear Sir,

Please be advised that your behaviour lately is unacceptable. In specific, you are required to desist from asking me out, commenting on my body, staring at me, or in any other way indicating any interest in my person.

You will have noticed that I have blocked you from my online message services. This is because your contact is unwelcome. You are not to contact me as a private individual in this or any other way.

At work, your contact with me is to be limited to that necessary for us to do our jobs.

Thank you.

(Her name)